Mistakes
by cosmicwriter
Summary: Hoshi deals with the aftermath of Terra Prime- and her involvment in it. This is not a Hoshi/Trip love story. The pairings are Hoshi/Malcolm and Trip/T'Pol.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Mistakes

Rating: This chapter is PG I'm not positive what the other chapters are going to be like.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the star trek characters or anything.

Summary: AU. What if Hoshi had a hand in what happened with Terra Prime? How would it affect her and her relationships with people on the ship? I have a feeling this story will be longish.

Spoilers: Demons and Terra Prime

A/N- My beta Dinah helped me so much on this. Thanks!

=/\=

Hoshi sat on her bed, motionless. She had woken up this morning sure that all of the horrible things that had happened the day before were just a dream. However, she knew it wasn't.

The look on Trip's face -- haunted and sick -- when he left the sickbay. She had caused that pain.

She got up from the bed and took a black dress from her closet. When she had brought it onboard, she was sure that she would never have to use it. She had been wrong. She felt the soft fabric of the dress. She had always loved satin. It had been years since she had worn the dress. The last time she could remember was to her grandmother's funeral.

And Masaro. There had been so much blood. He had been so young. Hoshi couldn't understand why he had done it. It wasn't his fault. She had caused that pain.

The black fabric matched Hoshi's raven hair and made her skin look pearly white. She put on the dress, arranging it carefully so that it looked perfect. Then she picked up the black Vulcan sash T'Pol had given to her.

"_Trip considers you a close friend, as do I; your presence at our daughter's funeral would be welcome."_ T'Pol trusted her.

Attached to the sash were two pendants. One was the Vulcan symbol for "death", the other was for "child". She tied the sash around her waist. A single tear slid down her cheek.

Phlox had felt so guilty, as if he was sure there was something he could have done. It was the only time she had seen him cry. She had caused that pain.

She quickly brushed the moisture away. Hoshi took one last glance in the mirror then hurried out the door to the funeral of her friends' little girl and only child. The child she had killed.

=/\=

Hoshi wrapped herself tightly in her sweater. It was colder on Earth than she remembered it being last time she was here. Hoshi kind of liked it. The temperature was always the same on the _Enterprise_. She kind of missed having seasons. Hoshi looked at her watch. It was almost 1930 pm. Phlox would be here soon. Hoshi smiled to herself as she realized that she had never seen him out of uniform. As soon as the thought past her mind, she saw his smiling face come around the corner. She quickened her pace to meet up with him. As soon as he was close enough, she enveloped him in a hug.

"Hi," she said. "I never thought I would miss everyone this much. It's only been two days since I left the ship. I guess I'm just used to seeing everyone," she laughed to herself. "Where are you staying?"

"In a hotel a few blocks away."

"You know, I have an extra room, if you like. I wouldn't mind the company," Hoshi offered warmly.

"No, I'm comfortable where I am. Besides, I wouldn't want to intrude. It's only for a few more days."

"It doesn't really seem fair. T'Pol got to go back to Vulcan for leave. I guess Denobula is too far away."

"Yes, I'm afraid that by the time I got there I would have to turn around and come back. Do you know where everyone else scurried off to?"

"I believe Trip stayed on Vulcan with T'Pol. It probably would have been hard for him to come back and not see his sister. Then Malcolm went back home to visit his sister. I think Travis is still in San Francisco, and I haven't been able to get a hold of the Captain."

"That's good. It seems that everyone has been enjoying their leave. What have you been doing?"

"Well my apartment was pretty dusty since no one's been in it for a while, so yesterday I spent most of the day cleaning. Then today I went to a movie."

"What did you see?"

"It was called _Destruction, _it was a world war three epic. I found it to be rather depressing. It had a good ending though."

Phlox chuckled.

"There's a park we could walk around not too far from here. I feel weird standing in the middle of the sidewalk."

Phlox nodded and walked alongside Hoshi. "You've been having nightmares?"

Hoshi's smile faded and she nodded her head. "It's the same dream every night, ever since we stopped the super weapon."

"What happens in these dreams?"

"I'm with the Xindi again. They want me to decode the lockout for the super weapon."

Phlox nodded his head.

"At first I won't do it. But then the Captain is there, and they tell me that they'll kill him if I don't, so I try. Captain Archer begs me to do it and I try. But I just can't….and then they shoot him. The same thing happens over and over and over with Travis and Malcolm and Liz and Trip until everyone is dead and I'm in the room by myself."

"That is a very disturbing dream." Hoshi didn't say anything. "Do feel responsible for the deaths of your crewmates?"

"Well, that's kind of beside the point, isn't it? It's just a dream."

Phlox shook his head. "And the friends you lost on the mission?"

"You mean like Major Hayes." Hoshi thought for a moment. "I feel sad that he's gone, but I don't feel responsible for his death. Mostly, I just feel afraid all the time that the Xindi will come back, or that someone else will decide that humans should be exterminated. I mean what if next time they don't fail? What if I hadn't failed? What if I had been able to decode that lock?"

"But you didn't. Everything is fine now. Your crewmates are safe and so is your world. We accomplished the mission, Hoshi."

Hoshi gave him a small smile. Phlox could always make her feel better.

"Things will be as they were; it will just take some time.

A gust of wind rushed past them and Hoshi shivered. "It's getting kind of cold. Do you want to go get a cup of tea? I know a great place not too far from here."

Phlox smiled, "That sounds wonderful. T'Pol has gotten me quite attached to chamomile tea."

"Really? T'Pol? I didn't even know…" Hoshi, not paying attention to where she was going, bumped into to a rather large man. When she turned around to apologize, her heart caught in her throat and she uttered a startled yip. Phlox turned around to see what had startled her.

"Hoshi?" Then he understood. He took her shoulders and sat her down on a sidewalk bench. "Hoshi, that is a Kreetasean."

She looked again. "In the dark… I could have sworn…" She put her face in her hands and slowed her breathing. "I did the same thing yesterday."

"It's all right, Hoshi," he said gently.

Hoshi looked up from her hands. "I'm sorry, Phlox, but I think I'm just going to go home. If you're not busy, we could have lunch together tomorrow."

"I would like that. Would you like some company on your walk back?"

Hoshi gave him a small smile, but shook her head. "No, I think I just want some time alone."

"All right, I'll see you tomorrow for lunch."

Hoshi nodded. She said goodbye then turned to walk back to her apartment.

This wasn't fair. She shouldn't feel afraid all the time. She finally reached her door and was about to go inside when something caught her eye.

A yellow flier.

It read: EARTH BELONGS TO TERRANS.

She pulled the flier off the door and put it in her pocket.

=/\=

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Mistakes

Author: Auroraborealis

Rating: This chapter is PG I'm not positive what the other chapters are going to be like.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the star trek characters or anything.

Summary: AU. What if Hoshi had a hand in what happened with Terra Prime? How would it affect her and her relationships with people on the ship?

Spoilers: Demons and Terra Prime

A/N- Thank you to my beta, Dinah. Also, I know zero about Vulcan funerals and I couldn't really find anything, so I just made it up. This story will gradually become more TnT, I promise. And I'm sorry if it starts to drag a little bit, I'll get there, just bear with me. Thanks for reading!

**Chapter 2**

=/\=

Hoshi sat in one of the foldout chairs close to the back of the room. This place reminded her of a church one of her old boyfriends had taken her to once. The room was Spartan with nothing at the front except a small podium and a large yellow banner with the message EARTH BELONGS TO TERRANS printed across it. The room was kind of dusty like it hadn't been used in a while, and Hoshi didn't see any indication as to what the building had previously been. She was a little early so only a few small groups of people were sitting in the front of the room. They seemed familiar with each other, carrying on soft conversations about the weather and their families.

A couple walked by Hoshi. When she looked up, they smiled pleasantly as they sat next to another group of people. Hoshi was relieved. She wasn't exactly sure what kind of people she had been expecting to find, but she had been a little worried that she was going to walk into a room full of zealots. These people all seemed so normal, even nice. She relaxed a bit in her chair. Five minutes passed and before long the entire room was full of people; the noise level had risen to an excited hum.

"Excuse me, Miss."

Hoshi jumped, startled slightly. She turned to look at who had addressed her. He was a man with tanned skin and dark brown hair. He, like so many others, smiled pleasantly at her.

"I'm sorry, is this seat taken?" he asked, gently indicating the chair to Hoshi's right.

Hoshi shook her head. "No, go ahead," she said, returning his smile.

He sat down and stuck out his hand. "Hi, I'm Evan. Are you new?"

Hoshi took the man's hand and nodded her head. "Yes, I've never been here before. I'm Hoshi. Hoshi Sato."

The man's eyebrows knitted together in concentration. "That sounds so familiar. Have we met before?"

Hoshi blushed slightly and shook her head. "I was one of the senior officers on the mission to the Xindi planet. You may have heard my name somewhere."

Recognition spread across his face. "Of course, you're the communications officer, Ensign Hoshi Sato. The entire planet owes a great debt to you."

Hoshi gave him a small, embarrassed smile, and then turned her face away. For some reason she felt guilty every time someone thanked her or told her how much they appreciated her.

Seeing that he had made her uncomfortable, Evan tried to lighten the mood with another dazzling smile. To Hoshi's surprise, it actually worked.

"Well hey, you're going to love Susan. She's a great speaker."

Almost immediately after the words left his mouth, the room erupted in applause. A shortish, squat-looking woman walked towards the podium. She had straight blond hair and wore her make-up like she was trying to cover her true age, but wasn't doing a good job of it. She wasn't an ugly woman; in fact, she looked motherly and kind to Hoshi. When the woman reached the podium she stood smiling until the applause died.

"Good afternoon, everyone."

"Good afternoon," everyone parroted.

"I see new faces in the crowd today." Hoshi could have sworn the woman made eye contact with her, if only for a moment. "For those of you who don't know me, I'm Susan."

"Hi, Susan," was the collective response.

"Well, now that we've gotten introductions out of the way, let's get down to business. We're all here today because we share a common interest. While we should all be happy that so many different species of aliens have freely given us knowledge and technology, it's safe to say that often times we're uneasy around them. Am I right?"

There were several nods from around Hoshi.

"Many of them have strange customs and completely different morals than we do. Of course this is not to say that they are bad people. Just different. How many of you have had a misunderstanding with a non-human?"

Many people raised their hands.

"Okay. Wouldn't it be better if there were people who were trained in customs and languages of other species who dealt with these aliens?"

"Yes."

Susan nodded her head. "There are many people who hate anyone who isn't human…."

"Yeah," yelled one man, midway through her sentence. Susan seemed slightly startled by the interruption. Everyone turned to look at the man.

"I'm sorry," Susan said firmly, "but if that's the way you feel, you're in the wrong place." Everyone clapped in agreement.

"Now, I'm sure all of you have heard about the violence against aliens recently. I believe that gentlemen like this are the cause," she said, motioning to the man.

Again everyone nodded their heads. For Hoshi this was the first time she had heard anything about it.

"I also believe that it could have been prevented. Even though there are many people who are comfortable with aliens, there are many others who blame aliens for all the problems of the world. Wouldn't it be safer for the aliens if they didn't live so closely with people who were afraid or who even hated them? Wouldn't it be in the best interest of both parties if we were separated?"

"Yes."

"Because while there is no excuse to hate them, we SHOULD have the choice of living with or without them… because after all…." She made a large sweeping motion towards the banner on the wall.

"EARTH BELONGS TO TERRANS."

Everyone, including Hoshi cheered together. Susan's smiled broadened until it was stretched from ear to ear.

The woman went on and on, and the more she talked, the more Hoshi found herself agreeing with her. After about an hour, the woman finally brought her remarks to a close.

"I want to thank you all for coming. Don't forget, if you're new, get an informational packet on your way out. My personal number is stapled to the outside of every folder, if you have any questions. And please remember, don't hate, but be cautious."

Hoshi got up. She felt great being in a group of people who all seemed to have similar beliefs to her own. It seemed like no one else on the ship had the same concerns. They wouldn't understand. She picked up one of the packets and was about to leave when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"I told you that you would like her." Evan smiled.

"Yeah, I really did."

"I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to get a cup of coffee with me." Hoshi thought about it for a moment. She really didn't have anything to do for the next couple hours.

She nodded her head. "Yeah that sounds nice. There's a place right around the corner. Is that all right?"

Evan smiled, "Lead the way." Hoshi put on her sweater and started in the direction of the corner coffee shop, Evan at her side.

=/\=

**On Vulcan**

To everyone else, they looked so strong. They stood together – faces blank, eyes dry – but Hoshi saw the little things. She always saw the little things. The slight trembling of T'Pol's hands before she hid them behind her back. They way Trip's nostrils flared every so often, or how Trip leaned into T'Pol so slightly that it was hard for even Hoshi to notice. It was obvious that he loved T'Pol very much.

Hoshi felt numb.

They had both lost so much: T'Pol, her mother and Trip, his sister. And now they had both lost a child. Even if they hadn't known Elizabeth for long, she was theirs. They had been prepared to change their lives for her, to live with her as their center.

Hoshi walked by the tiny casket with Captain Archer in front of her and Travis behind her in the precession. She gently laid her hand in the fashion of the ta'al on the smooth metal. Hoshi was suddenly glad that it was a Vulcan ceremony. She would have felt wrong pushing dirt onto such a small coffin.

Hoshi's eye's prickled with tears. It was like the events of the last few months were on an endless loop in her head. She saw her mistakes over and over and over again.

After she passed the casket, she took her position to the left of T'Pol. Since T'Pol had no family to speak of, Hoshi played the role of her Nenikaya. Trip's father stood next to his son and gently took his hand. Hoshi looked around. There were so many people. Human political figures, Vulcan diplomats, and members of other species that had traveled all the way to Vulcan to pay their respects to the tiny child who had gotten caught in the crossfire of a pointless demonstration.

The service was beautiful. It was held at T'Pol's family's ritual grounds. Red sand danced around people's feet in sharp contrast with everyone's black robes. Wreaths of flowers from Earth and Vulcan surrounded the entrance to Elizabeth's tomb. Her stainless steel casket had intricate engravings surrounding the rounded edges. At the top were engraved the names of T'Pol's entire lineage dating back one thousand years. In the middle was Elizabeth's full name in English and under it was her name in Vulcan. Beneath that was Trip's family lineage as far back as it could be traced.

The Vulcan priest said the ceremonial Vulcan funeral speech, blessed Elizabeth, and asked that her katra have peace, thereby closing the public ceremony. When everyone had left, Hoshi followed Trip's father, Trip, T'Pol, and the priest into T'Pol's family tomb. The priest said something in old Vulcan that Hoshi, surprisingly, didn't understand and then slid the tiny casket onto a stone shelf. Trip and T'Pol moved to stand on either side of the casket. T'Pol picked up the tall purple candle next to her and lit it.

"Sochya," she whispered reverently.

Trip followed suit, despite his best efforts, a tear slid down his face.

"Peace."

He paused for a moment, then reached into his robe and pulled out a small jar of something and placed it gently next to the candle.

At first Hoshi didn't know what it was. But when she looked closer, she realized it was rich, brown soil from the world Elizabeth would never have the chance to visit.

Earth.

=/\=

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Mistakes

Author: Auroraborealis

Rating: This chapter is PG I'm not positive what the other chapters are going to be like.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the star trek characters or anything.

Summary: AU. What if Hoshi had a hand in what happened with Terra Prime? How would it affect her and her relationships with people on the ship?

Spoilers: Demons and Terra Prime

A/N- Thanks again to my beta Dinah.

**Chapter 3**

=/\=

Since it was almost midday, the coffee shop wasn't very busy; Hoshi got coffee and sat down in a booth next to a window. She had a view of the park right across the street. She loved the different colors of the leaves this time of year. She even liked the type of clothes people wore. She had always thought coats and sweaters made people look elegant. Maybe it was because it left more to the imagination. Hoshi's thoughts were interrupted, as Evan sat down across from her with his coffee. She smiled at him, waiting politely for the question she knew was coming.

"So you are part of the Enterprise crew? That must be a pretty interesting job."

Hoshi took a sip of her coffee; it was a bit too strong for her taste. She picked up a sugar cube and dropped it into the steaming cup. "Yes."

"What was it like, the Expanse I mean?"

Hoshi looked down at her coffee.

"I'm sorry. Sometimes my curiosity gets the better of me. I didn't mean to be rude."

"No, it's all right." Hoshi swallowed hard, not looking up from her coffee, "Honestly, the Expanse was terrible. The media portrays us as heroes, but really we were all afraid. We didn't go out there to be saviors of the world. We did it because there was no one else. I lost too many friends. I saw things I don't ever want to see again." She paused, took another sip of her coffee, then added another cube of sugar. "Starfleet wasn't created for warfare. We were supposed to be explorers."

"Well, what are you now?" Evan seemed to be completely enthralled.

Hoshi looked up at him. "I don't know," she said simply.

Evan couldn't seem to find the right way to respond.

Hoshi felt suddenly embarrassed by her outpouring to this almost complete stranger. "I'm sorry; I don't know why I dumped that on you. I'm sure there is something much more pleasant we can talk about."

"No, I'm glad you feel like you can talk to me. I want to get to know you."

Hoshi blushed slightly, but covered it by taking a sip of her now too sweet coffee. Now that she actually looked at him, Evan was very attractive. He was large in stature, but with a boyish face. He looked more like an artist than a warrior. His hair was brown and just long enough to be stylish, but not so long as to be impractical. His most striking feature, however, was his eyes. They were a lovely, golden color, which made them look gentle and kind, but at the same time wise and strong. Most importantly, he looked to Hoshi like someone who _could_ be trusted. She was almost never wrong about a person's character.

"So what did you think of Susan?"

"When I walked in there, I was afraid it might be a room full of rabid xenophobes, but actually, I found myself agreeing with a lot of what she said."

"Yeah, and the way things are right now, it probably _would_ be a lot safer if aliens lived in designated areas."

"What do you mean? Susan said something about that, but I didn't really know what she was talking about."

"You haven't heard?"

"I've kind of been out of contact for a while."

"Right." Evan smiled. "There have been some pretty violent attacks against aliens."

Hoshi gasped, "Really?" Her first thought jumped to Phlox; she would defiintely have to tell him at lunch. "That's terrible," she sighed. "I'll admit that I wouldn't mind running into fewer aliens on the street, but that's really just disgusting. I happen to be very good friends with a Denobulan."

Evan gave her an odd tight little smile, "So are you going to vote for the Terran Protection Act?", Evan asked changing the subject.

Hoshi gave him a questioning look.

"It limits the number of aliens that can be in San Francisco at any given time, except for specially designated places like the Vulcan Compound, of course," Evan explained, "It also restricts the amount of time they can be in San Francisco."

"I don't think so. I skimmed thorough the packet and it seems like it would take away some important rights from aliens. Besides that, I may be shipped out again by the time the polls open."

Evan shook his head. "First of all, it only restricts certain types of behavior in certain places. If they don't like it, there are other places on Earth where they can live. And secondly, when a Terra Prime member on Enterprise was concerned about not being able to vote, we assigned him a surrogate."

"Terra Prime?"

Evan laughed, "Apparently you didn't read very much of the packet. That's what we call ourselves."

"Who else from Enterprise?"

"I think his name is Manaro."

Hoshi thought for a moment then her face lit with recognition.

"Masaro? I know him. He's newer. I thought it was sad that his first mission was to the Expanse. But he's a very nice person. I ate lunch with him a couple of times. He's on Trip's team."

Evan stared at Hoshi thoughtfully for a moment. "You know, you could be a very valuable member of Terra Prime."

Hoshi didn't say anything.

"Some people see us as radicals. It would be good for them to see someone who believes in what we do but also works so closely with other species of people."

Hoshi nodded her head. "I'm not sure I believe everything that you believe. A lot of what Susan said I agree with, but that's not to say that I agree with everything she said. I just… I don't know. Things happened and now things are different for me."

"And that's alright," he laughed. "We're not a cult, you know. We expect people to have different views, just like any other organization."

Hoshi looked at her watch. "I have to meet a friend in half an hour for lunch, but I'd like to see you again before I have to ship out." She pulled out a pen and wrote something on a napkin. "This is my comm. address." She got up and handed it to him.

He smiled. "Thank you, Ms. Sato."

Hoshi laughed as she walked off. "Call me Hoshi."

Evan smiled and waved the napkin at her. "I'll comm. you."

=/\=

Malcolm spun around in his chair as he gently tapped his temple with his pen. What was he missing? He had been sitting in his quarters for four hours going over every scrap of information that was even remotely related to Terra Prime. So far he had come up with nothing. All roads led back to Masaro. Malcolm knew that he should have let it go hours ago but he couldn't. Yes, they had found who had done it and yes, Masaro had been taken care or rather the man had taken care of himself. Malcolm gritted his teeth at the image that came to mind. It had been messy. He let the thought pass then moved on. There was something missing. How had Masaro contacted Terra Prime? How was the DNA transported off the ship? Unless he had extensive knowledge of the communications systems, it would have been hard to pull off. Not only that, Malcolm knew that Hoshi monitored all of the incoming and outgoing messages. Masaro would have had to get past her, and Hoshi hadn't mentioned anything unusual. Malcolm paused for a moment.

Hoshi would have been able to communicate with Terra Prime without anyone noticing.

He took a deep breath and looked at the clock. It was 0200. Lack of sleep and Masaro's betrayal was making him paranoid. Hoshi had been with the Enterprise since its first mission. She loved Trip like a brother and admired T'Pol. Hell, she was closer to Phlox than anyone on the ship. Definitely not a xenophobic zealot. Malcolm smiled. Hoshi had a bigger heart than anyone he had ever met.

Malcolm rubbed his hands over his face. This could have been prevented. There was a solid chain of command in place. If Trip and the Beta shift leader hadn't seen anything, surely Masaro's team leader noticed something: a change in behavior, anything. It was a simple communications breakdown with tragic results. Malcolm would talk to Ensign Stevenson tomorrow. And Hoshi. Maybe she had noticed something. Maybe it just hadn't seemed relevant until now. Malcolm sighed. This was all so wrong. Masaro had attacked people he had lived and worked with for two years. A number of people on the ship had considered him a friend. He had worked beside Trip as long as he had been on the ship. Malcolm couldn't understand why he had done it.

Malcolm looked at the clock again. 0238. Malcolm got up and stretched his back. If he didn't go to sleep now, he would be dead on his feet for his morning shift. Not only that, it was obvious that he was no longer making any progress. Malcolm turned off the computer, pushed in his chair, and went to bed.

=/\=

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Mistakes

Author: Auroraborealis

Rating: This chapter is PG I'm not positive what the other chapters are going to be like.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the star trek characters or anything.

Summary: AU. What if Hoshi had a hand in what happened with Terra Prime? How would it affect her and her relationships with people on the ship?

Spoilers: Demons and Terra Prime

A/N- Much thanks, as always, to my beta Dinah.

**Chapter 4**

=/\=

Hoshi had met up with Phlox for lunch earlier in the day, but through the entire meal she felt distracted. It was nice to see him again after their meeting the day before had been cut short. Hoshi was also a little worried. She noticed a couple of people who gave the doctor angry looks. Hoshi told Phlox that she had heard about some violence towards aliens. He told her that Malcolm had told him the same thing before he left the ship. He said that it was probably blown out of proportion by the media and that so far he hadn't had any trouble. Hoshi felt a little better, so they moved on to other topics. They talked about Phlox's family; he missed them very much. They also talked about her own family, who she planned on visiting tomorrow. They talked about the food and the weather and their friends on board the ship. Hoshi hadn't felt this normal since they had left for the Expanse, and it was nice.

After lunch Hoshi had plans to visit Travis and see what he was up to, but she had gotten a migraine an hour after lunch, so she went home instead. That was ten hours ago, and while her head still throbbed, it had quieted from a thunderous beating to a dull pulse. Hoshi was about to go to sleep when she heard her comm. board beep. She looked at the clock on the screen; it was almost midnight. Then she pressed the receive button to see who it was.

"Phlox," she said with a smile, "miss me already?"

Phlox didn't reflect her happy demeanor. "I'm sorry to call you so late; I was just going to leave a message."

"Don't worry about it, I was up. What's going on?"

Phlox seemed hesitant. "It seems that you were right about the mistrust between aliens and humans."

Hoshi felt all the blood drain from her face. "Oh my god, Phlox, are you all right?" Hoshi thought of the hateful man in the meeting. "Please tell me that you're all right."

"Calm down, Hoshi, everyone is fine."

Hoshi sat in the chair at her desk and listened.

"There was an incident at the bar Travis and Mr. Reed took me to. It seems that a couple of the patrons were disturbed by my presence there."

"What happened?"

"They asked me to leave, and Travis and Mr. Reed protested. I believe everyone had had quite a bit to drink, and there was a fight."

"But you said everyone was fine."

"Nothing more than a few bruises."

Hoshi was silent for a bit. "I'm so sorry this happened."

"It's not your fault, Hoshi. I do think, however, it would be wise for me to spend the rest of my leave on the ship. I was just calling to tell you where I would be in case you needed me."

Hoshi nodded her head. "Thanks. I think that's a good idea." Then she remembered something. "Malcolm's staying in San Francisco, right?"

"Yes."

"Do you know where he is?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact we're staying in the same hotel. I believe he's in room 625."

"Thanks. I'll visit you tomorrow on the ship, okay?"

"All right, tomorrow then."

=/\=

Hoshi couldn't put a finger on the emotion she was feeling at the moment, but it was roiling off of her. Whatever it was, Hoshi felt the need to unleash it on someone, and Malcolm seemed as good a person as any. When she entered the lobby of the hotel, the elevators were off for the night so she took the stairs. By the time she got to room 625, she was slightly out of breath. Hoshi rapped frantically on the door and waited for a response. When Malcolm answered her knock, Hoshi noticed at once that he wasn't wearing a shirt, and he looked a bit like he had been asleep. "Yes?"

"Why didn't you leave when those men told you to?"

Malcolm backed up, confused by the anger assaulting him so soon after being woken up. Hoshi followed him into the room and slammed the door shut.

Malcolm turned on the lights, squinting as his eyes adjusted to the sudden change. "Hoshi, it's very late, and I haven't the slightest clue what you're talking about."

"At the bar," Hoshi shouted, "you should have just left and not caused any trouble."

"They were being completely ridiculous," Malcolm protested.

Hoshi threw up her arms. "I don't care. You're the chief of security, Malcolm. You should have been able to recognize the 'hostile situation' there."

"Hoshi, I don't understand why you are so upset?"

"They could have hurt him. What if they had killed him?"

"I doubt very much that they would have killed him. Besides, it was actually Phlox who ended the fight."

Hoshi paused, confused. "How?"

His eyebrows furrowed together. "He puffed up his head," Malcolm said deliberately.

Hoshi stared at him like he was a crazy person, then she started laughing. Malcolm joined her, happy that he was no longer under siege, but then her laughter started to sound much more like crying. Malcolm put his hand on her shoulder. "Hoshi?"

She waved him away. "I'm sorry," she said wiping at her eyes. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like the whole world has gone crazy since we left. I'd almost rather be back on the ship except for the fact that now I'm afraid every species we encounter wants to kill us."

When Malcolm didn't say anything, Hoshi looked up at him. He looked slightly bewildered, "I'm sorry, but I'm absolutely horrible with crying women."

Hoshi made a sound of disgust and slapped his arm. "Of course, what man isn't," she laughed.

Malcolm picked a shirt up off a chair, put it on, and then sat down. Hoshi sat on the bed across from him. Both were silent for a bit. "If you like, I believe there's a waffle house open across the street. It closes at 0200." He glanced at the clock sitting on the bedside table. "We have about an hour."

Hoshi smiled at his offer. "Typically, I wouldn't turn down waffles, but I'm actually not feeling that well. Next time?"

Malcolm's eyebrows furrowed with concern. "Of course, do you want me to call Phlox? I'm sure he's up."

"No, I'm fine; I think I just had some bad food at lunch. By the way, why did you come back from visiting your family? You didn't stay very long."

Malcolm laughed. "I only can take so much time with my family, if you know what I mean. Why haven't you gone to see your family yet?"

"Same reason," Hoshi said, laughing. "I plan on seeing them tomorrow, though. I just wanted to get my land legs again first…you know readjust."

"I understand. Have you heard from the Captain?"

"No, but after everything that's happened, it wouldn't surprise me if he's on a beach somewhere with Porthos." When Malcolm smiled, Hoshi suddenly became aware of something. Squinting at Malcolm, she moved closer to inspect his face. There was a small cut above his right eyebrow. In the dim lighting of the hotel room, it was hard to see, but there was a slight purpling on his right cheek. Hoshi reached out and gently touched it.

"Does it hurt?" she asked softly.

Malcolm shook his head. "No, you should see the other guy."

Hoshi laughed at the cliché then yawned. "You're right, it _is_ rather late. I think I'm going to go back home. I'm sorry I woke you up… and yelled at you."

Malcolm stood up with Hoshi. "Don't worry about it. I'll call you a taxi."

"Malcolm, I live three blocks from here."

"I don't care. It's one o'clock in the morning; you're not walking back."

When the taxi arrived, Malcolm escorted Hoshi downstairs. Hoshi smiled as he opened the door for her. "Always the gentleman, Mr. Reed."

"Always. Comm. me when you get back to your apartment, or I'll feel obligated to send out a search party."

Hoshi laughed. "All right. Good night, Malcolm, and thanks."

"Any time, Hoshi. Good night."

Hoshi got in the cab and drove back to her apartment.

=/\=

Archer hadn't seen Trip since the funeral. He had been buried under reports and paperwork, not that it would have mattered much. From what he had seen, it looked like Trip was making himself scarce. Honestly, he wasn't surprised. In all the years Archer had known the man, his coping methods hadn't changed. Archer wasn't in engineering for five seconds before he found the man he was looking for.

"Trip," he called out. Trip looked up from what he was doing, wiped off his hands and walked over to the captain.

"Something I can help you with, Cap'n?" Trip's tone was forced, an imitation of his normally relaxed demeanor. Archer picked up on it immediately. He gave his friend a sad smile.

"No, Trip… we just haven't had a chance to talk… since the funeral. I just wanted to check on you, and see how you're doing."

Trip scrubbed the back of his hand against his forehead. "You know, we're really busy right now. Another time?"

Archer gave him an incredulous look. "Trip, we're going to be docked for two more days. Ten minutes. You have time."

Trip seemed to think it over for a moment then, seeing this was becoming something other than a request, gave in. "Ten minutes, then I really have to get back to work." He led them to his office and shut the door behind them. Archer took a seat across from the desk, forcing Trip to follow suit.

"So how are you holding up?" Archer asked gently. "I'm sorry I haven't been around much the last couple days."

"I'm fine. Don't worry about it."

"And T'Pol? Have you talked to her?"

He had tried, but every time they were within earshot of each other, she suddenly had some other place she urgently needed to be.

"Not really. She's been really busy too."

Archer stared at the man sitting in front of him, searching for any sign of cooperation. "Trip, are you going to talk to me or am I just wasting my time?"

Trip sighed and crossed his arms. "Listen, Cap'n, we've been friends for a long time and I appreciate what you're tryin' to do here, but I really just prefer to deal with things on my own."

Archer nodded his head. "I know, Trip. But if you need someone to talk to, you know where to find me. And hell, if you don't want to talk to me, there's a grief counselor on ship…"

"Jon… please. I don't want to talk to anyone." He stood up, very clearly done with the conversation. "Now, can I get back to work, sir?"

Archer, seeing this was a futile effort, got up too. "Yeah. I'll come by tomorrow and see how the repairs are coming."

Trip nodded his head and left the office, leaving Archer standing by himself.

=/\=

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Mistakes

Author: Auroraborealis

Rating: This chapter is PG I'm not positive what the other chapters are going to be like.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the star trek characters or anything.

Summary: AU. What if Hoshi had a hand in what happened with Terra Prime? How would it affect her and her relationships with people on the ship?

Spoilers: Demons and Terra Prime

=/\=

**May 14, 2154**

"When I said I would come see you today, this wasn't exactly what I had planned."

Phlox smiled, "It's quite alright Hoshi. When did you start feeling the symptoms?"

"Yesterday, I got a headache and started feeling nauseous a couple of hours after lunch. Then I got sick later that night. I thought it might just be some lingering effects of the parasites, but I still felt pretty awful this morning so I thought I would check and make sure."

"So you haven't seen your parents yet?"

Hoshi shook her head. "No, I think I'll go tomorrow. So what's the verdict? Am I going to live?"

Phlox looked at the hand scanner. "I believe you were right. It was just some aftereffects. Your parasite count is almost negligible. This should dispose of the rest of them." He injected her with a hypo. "But I want to keep an eye on you just and case. You need to come in and let me check you out at least every other day until I'm satisfied." Phlox smiled warmly.

Hoshi smiled back, Phlox was always looking out for her—really for everyone on the ship. He went above and beyond what was the bare minimum for his duties. Her smile broke suddenly. What would he think about what she was doing? The people at the meeting weren't bad people, but they wanted to separate aliens for human society. That included Phlox. She didn't want that. She felt a stab of guilt, how could she ever want that? It was over. As soon as she got back to her quarters she'd throw everything away. It was like Phlox said: "Everything would be as it once was." Hoshi would be happy again; it would just take time. Her friendship with Phlox wasn't something she was willing to lose for a group of people she barely knew. She smiled again.

"I guess you're not going to make it tonight," she said.

"Hmm?"

"Madame Chang's."

"Oh, my osmotic eel is under the weather. I should stay aboard until she's feeling better."

"I understand. Maybe it would have been better if you had just stayed on the ship in the first place."

Phlox paused and glanced at Hoshi, then shrugged his shoulders. "Perhaps you're right. But anyway, don't let my absence keep you and Mr. Mayweather. I'm sure you will enjoy it. They have wonderful egg drop soup."

Hoshi laughed. "I know. You've been talking about the soup at this place as long as I've known you. But honestly, I'm not much in the mood for food at the moment." Hoshi put her hand to her stomach. "If you know what I mean. By the way, I spoke with Malcolm last night. What exactly happened to you at the bar?"

"Oh, you must mean the, er…" Phlox held his breath and puffed his cheeks. "Nothing more than an instinctive defensive response."

Hoshi giggled. "You didn't tell me that part." Hoshi turned serious. "I'm glad you decided to stay on board. I would feel terrible if anything happened to you. You're one of the closest friends I have."

Phlox smiled gently. "This should help settle your stomach." He injected her with another hypo.

Hoshi hopped off the biobed. "I'll go tell Travis that dinner is cancelled."

Phlox nodded. "Then I would recommend you get some sleep."

Hoshi returned the Denobulan's smile and left sickbay.

***

Phlox put away the equipment he was using and sat at his desk to write the report. Earth had changed so much since his last visit. The first time he had been on planet he was intrigued by the friendliness of the culture. People smiled at him as he passed them on the street and children looked at him with curiosity in their eyes. Now the only thing he saw in people's faces was fear, sometimes even hate. He understood it, though. Earth had suffered a devastating attack. In fact, he wasn't sure his own people wouldn't have reacted in a similar manner.

But there was something else. Phlox was afraid for them. He could see patterns of behavior similar to that between Denobulans and Antarans. Those wars were instigated out of fear. Even three hundred years later, the hate still remained. It saddened Phlox to think that the same thing could happen to the Humans. They had such potential as a race, and unlike the Denobulans, if this type of xenophobia continued, they wouldn't be cutting ties with one civilization but dozens. Phlox shook his head at the thought. He looked at the chronometer on the wall and got up to feed his flock of hungry animals. Maybe he was wrong. Perhaps the Humans would change before things got out of hand. Something would happen, but Phlox had a feeling deep in his gut that either outcome would bring grim results.

=/\=

**Present**

Trip had been standing in front of the door way longer than would be considered polite to many people. Ever since the funeral, T'Pol had completely shut him out. It wasn't as if this was unusual behavior for her, but he still didn't understand it. This time it was different though – he needed her. The pain of Elizabeth's death was crushing him; he didn't think he could bear to be alone in this anymore. Trip took a deep breath and pushed the door indicator. After what seemed like forever T'Pol stood facing him. She looked at him for a bit then moved aside.

"Come in."

Trip obeyed and stepped in. The first thing he noticed were two half-packed bags sitting on the bed. For some reason this made him angry. It didn't seem fair that she was going to run and leave him with everything.

"Where are you going?" His voice came out more harshly than he had anticipated. T'Pol seemed slightly confused by the anger in his voice and took a step back.

"I am going to Vulcan." A mixture of emotions flooded through Trip all at once: first anger, then regret, and finally loss.

"T'Pol…"

"I am sorry that I have been…avoiding you, however…"

Trip cut her off. "Just listen, okay. Our relationship has never really been all that steady. I've never really thought about us having a future together. Mostly I just concentrate on how long I can keep our relationship from breaking up. But as soon as I saw Elizabeth that changed." Trip paused for a moment. His throat tightened at the thought of her. Then he cleared it and continued more softly, "I started thinking about what a life with you would be like, a real life. With a house and some kids, maybe a dog or something."

T'Pol's nostrils flared slightly at the last suggestion.

"Well the thing is, after Elizabeth… when she…" Trip felt moisture rise in his eyes and he cleared his throat again. "I still want those things, T'Pol… with you. I don't mean right now, maybe not even five years from now. But I want those things someday. Now I know how you are and I'm begging you… don't run off. Hold on for just a little while and we can get through this together."

T'Pol looked at him, and he at her. Neither said a word for what seemed like forever. "I believe a sehlat would be a more appropriate domesticated pet for a Vulcan child."

Trip was utterly confused for a moment, then he understood. "You mean..?"

T'Pol nodded her head, "I am not going to 'run off.' It would be illogical to deny any longer what both of us have known for some time. We are bonded."

"But you're packing…"

"You misunderstood my intentions. There are some things I must attend to on Vulcan, but I will come back before we leave space dock. As I said before, I am sorry I have neglected our relationship. I felt the need to think about things before I talked with you. In fact, I was going to go to your quarters before I left; however, it seems that you have…beat me to it."

Trip seemed stunned. "I don't understand. And the thing is I don't know if I can trust you." This caused a raised eyebrow in his direction, but T'Pol let him continue. "There've been so many times when I felt our relationship could have gone somewhere. Times when I felt like we were so much more than colleagues or friends. But then something always happens. You run away, you shut me out, something… I'm not sure how many more times I can dance this same dance. I'm getting tired."

T'Pol stood up from her bed and walked over closer to Trip. "You came here for a specific purpose. You succeeded in your task. Yet now you hesitate. Have you changed your mind?" There was an infinitesimal amount of hurt in her face.

Trip picked up on it. His voice softened. "No. I just need to know that this is it. That you're not going to change your mind tomorrow or the next day. I just need to know that you're going to give this a fair chance."

T'Pol looked deeply into the eyes of the man she longed to call her mate. She took his face in her hands and kissed him gently. "Vulcans mate for life." She kissed him again, this time more passionately. She felt a tingle of excitement as Trip pulled her closer. "This is all that matters now."

=/\=

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Mistakes

Author: Auroraborealis

Rating: This chapter is PG I'm not positive what the other chapters are going to be like.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the star trek characters or anything.

Summary: AU. What if Hoshi had a hand in what happened with Terra Prime? How would it affect her and her relationships with people on the ship?

Spoilers: Demons and Terra Prime

A/N- Everything in italics are people speaking in Vulcan. You'll know it when you see it. Also along with specific dates, I'm going to start putting BTP (Before Terra Prime) and ATP (After Terra Prime) on the time stamps

=/\=

**May 20, 2154 (BTP)**

It had been almost a week since they had left space dock and almost three days since Hoshi had gone a day without a headache. When she entered the gym she had expected it to be empty, but was surprised to see that she wasn't the only one who had decided to use it at 2 o'clock in the morning.

Malcolm was beating a workout bag at a frantic pace.

Hoshi smiled to herself. The muscles in his arms were tense and defined and his shirt and face where wet with sweat. If the bag had been a person rather than an inanimate object, Hoshi would have feared for its life.

"Having a bad day?" she called from across the room, a hint of sarcasm in her voice. Malcolm stopped what he was doing and turned around.

"Why would you ask that?" Interlocking his fingers, he placed them on top of his head and breathed deeply. Hoshi walked towards him.

"I don't know. It just looks like you're ready to kill someone."

Malcolm relaxed his face, making an effort to look less like he was "going to kill someone."

"Why are you still up?"

"I couldn't sleep. Are you going to tell me why you were trying to destroy the punching bag?" Malcolm released the grip on his hands and let his arms hang loose by his sides.

"Today with Malic…" Despite his efforts, his face tightened again. "The bastard gave me a bloody warning and I still wasn't fast enough."

"Malcolm you can't be so hard on yourself. They're called Augments because their DNA has been _augmented_. They've been engineered to be faster and stronger than us. No one blames you."

"He had the Captain by the throat and there wasn't a thing I could do about it. It's my job to protect the people on this ship."

"Is the Captain dead?"

"That's beside the point, Hoshi. Next time…"

"It's not beside the point. No one expects you to be perfect, Malcolm. You are the Chief of Security on Starfleet's flagship. That means you're the best. We're all the best at what we do. But being perfect and being the best are two different things. You can't get them confused."

Malcolm wiped at the sweat that was dripping in his eyes. "You're right."

Hoshi smiled. "I know."

"It's been a while since I was that unevenly matched. It's not just that, though. He was playing with us. It was completely infuriating." He glanced over at Hoshi and smiled. "I apologize for subjecting you to my midnight ranting. I suppose it has something to do with you being the only other person in the gym at two in the morning."

"Or because we're friends and we like to talk to each other."

Malcolm smiled again, "Or that." He started stretching out his arms. "So you didn't answer my question."

"Yes, I did. I said because I couldn't sleep."

"All right, but I spend a moderate amount of time here, and I've never seen you pop in this late."

"Well I've tried everything else. This was kind of last on my list. Phlox says that the headaches are most likely from stress."

"Headaches?"

Hoshi scrunched up her face, "Yeah, I've been getting these headaches since we got back from leave on Earth. But everyone's been under a lot of stress lately so I'm not too worried about it. I think it's just like Phlox said. And exercise relieves stress, so here I am."

"At two in the morning?"

"I told you, it was last on my list."

Malcolm smiled and nodded his head. "Well, I was about done, but if you'd like some company in your midnight workout, I'd be happy to oblige."

Hoshi smiled. "Yeah, I'd like that. I could use a sparring partner."

"What style?"

"Aikido."

"I'm not familiar with that."

Hoshi smiled again. "I'll teach you."

=/\=

**Present - On Vulcan (ATP)**

T'Pol walked through the tall gates of Fo-don Eshikh. It had been almost seven years since she had last been there, however very little had changed. Even the uniforms had remained the same since her last visit. T'Pol wasn't surprised. They had been designed to be simplistic yet efficient. There really wasn't much you could change about them. T'Pol put her hand on a scanner one of the guards pushed towards her, then she handed another man her I.D. chip. He nodded and let her pass.

It was easy for T'Pol to pick out the operatives walking along the paths. They wore red-brown uniforms that almost perfectly matched the Vulcan sand; a small sheathed blade was attached to the left side. The uniforms for operatives were tighter against the body than the flowing black robes of the Command. The uniform also covered the majority of their face, protecting them from the harsh elements, but also concealing their identities.

Finally, she reached the main building. It wasn't very impressive. It was made primarily out of sand-colored bricks with a large domed top. It had no windows and no decorations or inscriptions outside of a large line of script that read, "Command." But in terms of security and defense it was one of the most important buildings on Vulcan. She walked through the heavy metal doors to the large desk in the middle of the room.

"_State your purpose_," a man asked as she approached.

"_I've come to speak to Vel'ek of Command." _

"_Why should I grant this request?" _

"_I'm operative four-seven-two. It is important." _

The man nodded to a guard to escort her. When they reached the door, T'Pol thanked him and entered. A small woman was sitting at the desk in front of her; T'Pol recognized her immediately.

"_T'Pring, it is agreeable to see you again." _

T'Pol had helped to train this woman and had been on several missions with her, including the last one she had been involved in before being assigned to the Enterprise.

"_And you, T'Pol."_

"_It is also agreeable to see that you have risen to such a prestigious position. A member of Command's personal guard." _

"_Yes, it is. State your purpose." _

"_I have come to speak with Vel'ek of Command."_ T'Pring glanced at a PADD and nodded.

"_Vel'ek is unoccupied at the moment. You may see him."_ She pushed a button on her desk and T'Pol went through the door.

When she entered T'Pol held up her hand in the sign of the ta'al. The man returned the gesture.

"_Sit down."_ T'Pol complied. _"State your purpose."_

"_I have come to resign my position as an operative." _

"_Have you entered into a marriage?" _

"_I was married, but the relationship has been dissolved." _

"_Then you may not resign." _

"_Vel'ek, this is very important." _

The use of his first name seemed to iron out all of the hardness in the old Vulcan's face.

"_Explain this to me, T'Pol." _

"_I am sure you have been keeping me under surveillance, so I doubt any of this information is new." _

"_You may be correct, however, I would like to hear it; it has been some time since we have spoken." _

"_You gave me the position on Enterprise. Since then, many things have changed." _

"_I have noticed you have picked up a slight Human accent." _

T'Pol's nostrils flared slightly. _"Yes. Along with that, I have also formed many new working relationships on board the ship. Human relationships are much different than that of Vulcan's. They require different things."_ Vel'ek nodded, but let her continue. _"Recently, things have happened that have tied me more closely to the humans. I have adopted a Starfleet rank, my betrothal has been dissolved, my mother has perished, and I have had a child with a member of the Enterprise crew." _

"_You are referring to the clone created by Terra Prime." _

"_Yes, but I felt that child was as much mine as one I would bear myself." _

"_That is understandable. However, this does not explain your desire to resign." _

"_I no longer feel that this is my place. I believe I belong elsewhere, and I want to give myself the opportunity of finding that place." _

Vel'ek looked at her thoughtfully for some time. _"I anticipated something like this would happen when I gave you the Enterprise mission. It is part of the reason why I gave it to you. I was convinced that you would be an excellent communicator between the Humans and our people because of your ability to empathize. You have always been… different from many of my other students._" T'Pol nodded her head. _"I understand how you may have become attached to these humans; however, I cannot grant your request."_

"_My next training cycle is in seven months and ten days." _

"_I am aware of that, and I regret that I cannot help you. T'Pol, I am not First Command. The law has not changed in one-thousand years, nor will it today." _

T'Pol could not help feeling defeated; she hoped that she had kept the emotion from touching her face. "_I understand. I appreciate your time."_ T'Pol got up to leave.

"_Before you go, I wish to discuss one more thing with you." _T'Pol turned back around to face him._ "There has been a schism in the Ministry. Many in Command and a large number of operatives were loyal to the High Command. The change in government has upset the balance in power. Many of those who were loyal to the old ways resent you and the part you played in the overturning of the High Command, along with anyone who supported it. I would suggest that when you come for your training cycle that you are very careful at all times." _

"_I appreciate the warning, Vel'ek. It was agreeable to see you again." _ Vel'ek held up his hand in the sign of the ta'al. _"Live long and prosper, T'Pol."_

T'Pol returned the gesture. "_Live long and prosper, Vel'ek of Command_."

With that she left the office, and then the building. When she got to the gates, she took a long drink of water and started her twenty-mile walk back through the desert to the city of Komi. When she reached the monastery where she had been staying, she gathered her things and returned to the shuttle pod she had brought down from the ship. T'Pol went through the start up sequence quickly, eager to get back to Enterprise. Vulcan wasn't the same as it had once been. It was no longer a place T'Pol felt comfortable calling home.

=/\=

**May 22, 2154 (BTP)**

Another splitting headache drove Hoshi through the sickbay doors. Phlox had taken a brain scan two days ago. He had been concerned by the frequency of the headaches so soon after Hoshi's ordeal with the parasites. Strangely enough, Hoshi was almost getting used to the constant throbbing in her head. It had become like breathing, except it was unpleasant. As soon as Hoshi walked through the doors she saw Phlox feeding his animals. It made her smile to see how gentle he was with his pets; however, today he seemed a bit different, almost unhappy.

"Hoshi, I'm glad you came by," he said solemnly.

"I just have a headache again. Can you give me something for it?" Phlox nodded and injected her with something.

"Hoshi, we need to discuss the results of your scan."

The smile on Hoshi's face faded. "Is everything okay?" Phlox's brow knitted across his forehead.

"Why don't you sit down?" Hoshi was suddenly scared as she walked over to one of the biobeds and sat down.

"What's wrong? They're… just headaches, right?"

Phlox looked sadly at his frightened friend. "I'm afraid not, Hoshi."

Hoshi's face crumpled, "Then what is it?"

"It seems to be a result of the parasites that were injected into your brain."

"I thought that you removed all of them."

"I did. However, it looks like they left behind some sort of toxin."

Hoshi found that breathing had suddenly become rather difficult, "Am I going… going to die?"

"No." Phlox put a calming hand on top of Hoshi's. "This doesn't appear to be life threatening. However, there will be other consequences." Hoshi nodded. "The headaches you've been experiencing are a result of this toxin. They will get progressively worse until they develop into extremely severe migraine-like episodes. These migraines may cause you to be very sensitive to lights, sounds, smells, and possibly touch."

"How long until that happens?"

"I'm not sure. It could be weeks or it could be months. But eventually it will begin to affect your work."

Hoshi felt like a giant weight had been set on her shoulders. After everything that happened on Earth, after everything she had been through, the last thing she truly cared about was being taken away. It was almost more than Hoshi could bear.

"And I'll be discharged," she said softly.

Phlox nodded his head. "You need to be aware of that possibility, yes."

Silent tears streamed down Hoshi's still face, "But this is my home."

"I know. I'll keep your condition confidential until I believe that it is affecting your work. But at that time, I will have to tell the Captain." Hoshi nodded. "I'm so sorry, Hoshi." Phlox squeezed her hand, then he took a box of tissues from the table and set them next to Hoshi. She pulled one out and wiped her face and eyes.

"I've already started working on something. I have some samples of the parasite that I removed from you. Even though I can't get directly to the toxin that's in your brain, I'm fairly certain that I can recreate it and study it. I'm not going to give up. Alright?" Hoshi nodded her head. "You're not in this by yourself. You can always talk to me anytime you need me." Hoshi nodded again.

"Thank you, Phlox," she said softly. "I think I'm going to go back to my quarters now, if that's all right."

"Of course, would you like me to escort you?"

Hoshi stood up. "No." She walked towards the door. "Thank you," she mumbled again as she left.

As she walked down the corridor to her quarters, she felt something slowly replace the grief she felt. By the time she was in her room, the feeling had filled her completely.

Anger.

This was all their fault: the Xindi and every race that had refused to help the Humans in their time of need. They were the ones who had killed her friends, they were the ones who had changed everyone on the ship from explorers to fighters, they were the ones who were going to take away Hoshi's one true home.

Hoshi yanked open her desk drawer and searched frantically for what she was sure she had thrown away. She almost gave up until she found a small napkin shoved in the back of the drawer. She pulled it out and put it on the desk, smoothing out the creases. It had a name and a comm. address on it.

Evan.

=/\=

**Present- On Enterprise (ATP)**

Malcolm listened as the door indicator made a little beep on the inside of the room. A moment later he was greeted by Hoshi.

"Malcolm," she said, with a smile on her face, "come in." She went over to sit on her bed, waiting expectantly for him to join her. Instead he chose to sit in the desk chair across from her. She frowned slightly. "We haven't really seen each other in a couple of days."

Malcolm nodded his head. "Things have been busy…with Terra Prime."

"Right." There was something tight about Malcolm that Hoshi couldn't really place. The only other time he had acted like this around her was when they had first met. She frowned, he was distancing himself.

"That's actually what I came to talk to you about." Hoshi gave him a quizzical look, but let him continue. "I was just wondering if you noticed anything unusual in the months leading up to what happened."

"What do you mean?" Hoshi felt her heart beat faster, but she concentrated on remaining calm. There was no way he suspected her; she hadn't left a single trace behind.

"Well, I'm not convinced that Masaro was the only one involved. Someone would have had to help him interact with Terra Prime. Unless he had an understanding of the communications systems, I don't see any other way."

"So you're asking me if I noticed anything like piggy-back messages or encrypted frequencies leaving the ship?" Malcolm nodded.

"I don't think so. I was a little… distracted at the time. But I can go over the logs for the last four months." Malcolm nodded his head again.

"That would be very helpful."

Hoshi smiled softly. "I'll do anything I can to help. It will take me about a week."

"That's all right." Malcolm paused, looking at his hands clasped in his lap.

"Is there something else?" Hoshi asked.

"Yes, there's one more thing. Did Marsaro ever ask you to do anything, anything that might have seemed odd at the time?"

"You mean…" Malcolm just looked at her.

Hoshi stood up. "You don't think I could tell if he was asking me to do something illegal?" she asked, suddenly angry. In reality the anger stemmed from fear, but he couldn't see that.

Malcolm stood up too. "Of course, but…"

"So you're asking me if I **willingly** participated in helping Terra Prime." Malcolm stood completely still, obviously uncomfortable with the direction the conversation had taken.

Hoshi's voice softened, "God, Malcolm..." She ran a hand through her hair. "After everything… you don't trust me?" Even if he was right, Hoshi was genuinely saddened by the fact that he had suspected her even a little. A single tear fell from her eyelashes and landed on her cheek.

"That's not it, Hoshi…"

She wiped the moisture away. "I understand," she said coldly, "the answer is no. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a lot of logs to go through." She motioned towards the door.

"Hoshi…"

"Please… just go."

Malcolm stood silently for a moment, then nodded his head and left.

As soon as the door closed behind him, Hoshi sat on the edge of her bed. She gently rocked for a moment trying to gather her thoughts, then she began to sob.

She had lied, and it was one of a hundred more she would have to tell to keep her secret. For a single moment, she had wanted to tell him, but she couldn't. What would that have really accomplished? Admitting what she had done could only bring one person peace, and that was herself. Everyone had already lost enough. Another betrayal would destroy them.

There was something else, too.

She loved him.

How could she let him know what she'd done? What would he think of her? Hoshi made a silent declaration. She would stay on the ship. She would carry the burden of what she'd done. Every day, she would look into the faces of the people she had hurt. She would protect them from what she had done. Staying here, keeping her secret – that would be her penance.

=/\=

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Mistakes

Author: Auroraborealis

Rating: This chapter is PG I'm not positive what the other chapters are going to be like.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the star trek characters or anything.

Summary: AU. What if Hoshi had a hand in what happened with Terra Prime? How would it affect her and her relationships with people on the ship?

Spoilers: Demons and Terra Prime

A/N- Thanks to my beta Dinah.

**May 26, 2154 (BTP)**

=/\=

Evan's face lit up the screen. "Hoshi, it's been a while." Hoshi returned his enthusiasm with nothing more than a weak smile.

"Yeah, it has."

Evan picked up on Hoshi's mood. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, everything's fine." She tried reassuring him with a more convincing smile. "I'm just tired, that's all. We've been really busy. I'm sorry it's been so long since I've contacted you."

"I was worried I'd lost you there for a while. Like I said, a member of _Enterprise_ would be great for the cause."

Hoshi frowned. "I'm not sure how much longer I'll be on _Enterprise_," she said softly. Evan looked confused, but didn't say anything. "I may be discharged soon."

"Oh, I'm so sorry. May I ask why?"

Hoshi shook her head. "It doesn't matter. The point is that I want to help you while I still can." Evan nodded. "I've spent my entire life studying languages, and for the majority of my adult life, alien languages." Hoshi smiled. "I love it. Each language is like a song. Learning how to speak them is more an art than a science, but things have changed."

Tears filled Hoshi's eyes. "No matter how much you love something, whenever the struggles grossly outweigh the benefits, it's no longer worth anything. I've spent the last three years of my life out here, I've met dozens of different aliens, and more often than not they would like nothing better than to kill us."

Evan seemed to flinch at the coldness that crept into her voice. "I've never lost so many friends or suffered as many hardships as I have at the hands of these aliens. But we stay out here because everyone hopes that "next time" things will go better, "next time" we'll gain an ally instead of an enemy. But we won't. Despite the good that may have come from our mission, the pros no longer outweigh the cons."

Evan was silent, his previous jovial attitude completely squashed. "I don't really know what to say. I'm really sorry."

"Let me help you."

Evan nodded his head. "I'll talk to Susan and get back with you. I'm sure you can be very helpful." Hoshi thanked him and cut off the transmission.

She sat back in her chair and closed her eyes. The dull throbbing that had been in the back of her head all day had turned into a steady beating against her temples. Finally, she got up and went to the bathroom to wash her face in cool water, hoping it would provide some relief. It helped a little. Hoshi patted her face dry and paused as she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror.

When had she changed so much? On the outside it was little things, a tiredness in her eyes, a sadness in her face. She looked older, and by much more than three years. She hadn't aged nearly as much as Trip or the Captain, but it was still there. Aging that had come from grief and hardship. On the inside the changes were even more obvious still. Her heart felt heavy and the world was not as bright as she had once remembered it being. Hoshi knew that she would never be the same person she had been before she left, and while it caused her some sadness, at the same time she was relieved. That Hoshi had been ignorant and weak.

Hoshi filled a cup with water; she drank half of it then dumped the rest out into the sink, setting the cup on the counter. Her headache wasn't really getting any better. She lay down on her bed, deciding that sleep would probably be the best thing for it. Hoshi concentrated on the rhythm of her breathing while trying to block out the steady thumping in her skull. Finally, consciousness left her and she was at peace.

=/\=

**Present- On Enterprise February 2, 2155 (ATP)**

=/\=

Trip leaned in closer to try to identify the sound, a low whining. He realized what it was a second too late; the conduit exploded sending sparks and small pieces of debris towards Trip. He instinctually shielded his face with his hands, leaning away from the spray. Trip hissed in pain as he felt something hot and sharp rip through his hand. Sparks still sputtered from the open conduit, but two of his people were already working on putting it out. Someone else came over to help him up. Trip glanced at his hand to assess the damage.

"Shit," he cursed. A thick jagged piece of metal stuck a half inch out of his hand. It didn't seem to be that deep, but he wasn't about to try and pull it out himself. He pulled a clean rag from his pocket and wrapped it around his blood-smeared hand, then pushed the comm. with his free hand. "Hess," he barked, "I need you to take over for a while."

"Is everything okay, sir?"

Trip realized how harsh he sounded and tried to calm his voice. "Yeah, it's all right. There was some type of malfunction; the conduit I was working on exploded. But it's under control. I hurt my hand, but I shouldn't be gone for more than an hour. I need you to cover while I'm gone."

"No problem, sir."

"Thanks, Hess." He looked over at the conduit and was pleased, but not surprised, to see that his people had already taken care of it. "Is everyone all right?" he asked, genuinely concerned. Everyone nodded.

"Yes, sir," answered Moyer, the most senior of the group. He was also one of the newest of his engineering crew. "Sir, your hand…"

"It's all right. I'm about to head down to Phlox." Trip glanced at the group of four people standing around him. "All right, I want someone to figure out what happened here. If it was faulty equipment, I don't want the same thing happening to anyone else."

Moyer nodded his head. "I'll take care of it, sir."

"All right, be careful. I want a report no later than 1500." Trip turned around and walked toward sickbay.

Today was not going well. His shoulder was still tight and sore from the injury on the moon, two of his people had called in sick so he was shorthanded, and T'Pol was three hours late getting back from Vulcan. When he entered the sickbay, Phlox looked at him expectantly. "What can I help you with today, Mr. Tucker?"

Trip held up his hand; blood had already soaked through the rag. "There was a small malfunction with one of the conduits I was working on." Phlox nodded his head and motioned for Trip to sit on one of the biobeds. When Trip sat down, Phlox pulled up a chair and took hold of his wrist, examining the injured extremity.

The doctor made a small exclamatory grunt. "That's quite extraordinary, Mr. Tucker. It seems that it's missed all of the tendons and bones in your hand. It's going to hurt when I pull it out, but it should heal fairly quickly." Phlox gave him a reassuring smile then picked up a pair of forceps. Trip gave a pained grunt as Phlox carefully pulled the object out of his hand. Phlox then dabbed the area with an antiseptic and a numbing agent. He squeezed skin adhesive into the small gash and pushed the edges together, then taped a small clean piece of gauze over the wound.

"That should do it," he said cheerily, then gently cleaned the blood off the rest of Trip's hand. "If the wound reopens, I would appreciate it if you didn't wait until the last possible moment to come see me." Phlox handed him a small roll of gauze. "Change the dressing twice a day. On a scale of one to ten, how bad does your hand hurt?"

Trip shrugged. "About a two." Phlox poked his hand with a swab and Trip winced. "More like a four," he amended.

"And how is your shoulder today?"

"It's still pretty tight, but I think it's okay."

Phlox nodded. "And everything else?"

Trip didn't speak for a while, but then finally answered, "Better. It's easier with T'Pol."

Phlox nodded and injected Trip with a hypo. "Okay, that's about all I can do for it. I want you to take the rest of the day off."

"Oh, come on, Doc. I can still get some paperwork out of the way."

Phlox thought about it for a moment, then agreed. "All right, but I'm going to tell Anna to keep an eye on you."

"Don't worry about it; I'll go straight to my office." Trip smiled and lifted up his wrapped hand. "Thanks, Phlox."

Phlox smiled again. "I'm always here, Commander."

Trip nodded his head and left the sickbay.

=/\=

Trip was changing the dressing on his hand when he heard the chime from his door. He got up to answer it then smiled when he saw who was standing in front of him. "I didn't know you had gotten back yet."

T'Pol nodded her head. "I arrived less than fifteen minutes ago." She set down her bag as the door closed behind her. Trip pulled her into an embrace; T'Pol felt a warmth fill her body as she relaxed into his arms.

"I was worried when you didn't come in on schedule."

"It took longer than I expected it would." Trip smiled and caressed her face with his uninjured hand; he kissed her gently on the lips. "There is something we need to discuss," T'Pol said gently.

Trip's brow furrowed, "All right."

T'Pol took his hand, but released it immediately as he winced in pain. "You've injured your hand," she said, a hint of concern in her voice. She took him by the wrist, much like Phlox had, to inspect the damage. "How did this happen?"

Trip shrugged. "Don't worry about it. There was just a malfunction in engineering."

T'Pol's voice took on a distressed edge. "Are you sure it wasn't sabotage?"

The thought had actually crossed Trip's mind, but still it seemed a little far-fetched. "You're being a little bit paranoid, don't you think?"

T'Pol picked up the gauze from the bed and finished wrapping his hand. "It seems to be very unlikely that you would be injured so soon after what happened with Paxton. I'm simply concerned for your safety."

"Masaro was an isolated incident. I know all of my people," he said soothingly. "Despite what happened we have to trust that the people on this ship are our friends. They have our backs, T'Pol."

T'Pol nodded her head but still didn't seem convinced.

"I have one of my teams going over it. I'll know if they find anything in a couple of hours. If it will make you feel better, I'll have one of Malcolm's teams go over it with them."

"Alright."

"Okay," Trip smiled, "Now, what did you want to talk about?"

"We can discuss it later." T'Pol kissed the wrist of Trip's bandaged hand. "I missed your presence while I was away."

Trip smiled. "I missed you too." He ran his hands over her short-cropped hair, tracing her ears with his fingers. A small gasp escaped her lips, and she pulled him closer to her, closing the distance between them. Trip kissed her gently on the lips, and she reciprocated more hungrily, her need seemingly more desperate than his.

Trip stopped her, his eyebrows furrowed. "Are you all right?"

T'Pol didn't say anything.

"I feel something... like you're… I don't know." Trip touched his head.

"It's very complicated. We can discuss it later." She kissed him again, but he seemed hesitant. "Please."

"We'll talk about it later?"

She nodded her head.

"Alright." He smiled and kissed her ear. "Later."

=/\=

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Mistakes

Author: Auroraborealis

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the star trek characters or anything.

Summary: AU. What if Hoshi had a hand in what happened with Terra Prime? How would it affect her and her relationships with people on the ship?

Spoilers: The Forge

A/N- Thanks to my beta Dinah. And also the first part I lifted from the beginning of the Forge, in case it seems vaguely familiar to you.

**Chapter 8**

=/\=

**July 12, 2154 (BTP)**

Archer stood surrounded, not knowing exactly what to do.

"Captain!" Reed shouted. He was open, Archer threw him the ball.

"Here!" called Hoshi, waving her arms, Malcolm passed the ball to her. Hoshi caught the ball and threw it up into the hoop, just before it reached though, Trip knocked it out of the way, sending the ball in Phlox's direction. The Denobulan caught the ball where he was standing, several feet away, and casually threw the ball up to the net himself. This time, however, it went effortlessly through the hoop.

"That's another game. Twenty one to two." Trip gloated, a goofy smile spread across his face.

"Time to switch sides again, Doctor." Hoshi pleaded, feigning annoyance. It was funny that Phlox was so good at the sport, Hoshi didn't really know what kinds of games they had on Denobula, but she had a feeling that whatever they were, Phlox didn't partake in them.

Phlox smiled, obviously pleased with his popularity, "Certainly. This is a most enjoyable sport. Reminiscent of Octran fertility contests."

T'Pol entered the bay, her professionalism putting a damper on the relaxed atmosphere, "Except we're fully clothed, which is probably for the best." Phlox continued.

"Captain, I've just spoken with Starfleet Command." T'Pol inclinded her head slightly indicating that she needed to speak to him alone. Archer nodded and followed her out of the room.

"I wonder if, T'Pol would be any good at Basketball," Trip mused as soon as the two had left the room. Hohsi laughed at the thought. "Good luck finding that out, Sir," said Travis doubtfully. Hoshi smiled as she wiped the sweat from her face with a towel. This was more fun than she had had in a very long time. Malcolm picked up his water bottle and took a long swig, "You're quite the basketball player," he said, while screwing the lid back on the water.

Hoshi scrunched up her eyebrows and laughed. "You obviously know nothing about the sport. The point of the game is to get the ball into the basket. Something I have yet to do."

Malcolm shrugged his shoulders. "Well, you look good doing it." Malcolm seemed to immediately realize what he had said. "Or rather, you look like you know what you're doing," he amended.

His momentary blunder was caught only by Hoshi. There had been no change in his face, no quaver of nervousness in his voice. Malcolm absolutely fascinated her. His ability to recover almost instantaneously from any misstep was inhuman. Malcolm was able to make whomever he was talking to understand only what he wanted them to and nothing else. The ability confused Hoshi slightly. Malcolm was an honest person. His ability, however, was a form of deceit, however harmless it may be. Hoshi knew very well that lying was not something that came naturally to humans. It was something that she could almost always pick up on; there were just too many signs. For Malcolm to be as proficient as he was in this aspect, could only mean one thing: he had practiced, for years perhaps. Hoshi often wondered about Malcolm's past. There were so many things about him that screamed… something. Hoshi just didn't know what.

Hoshi was pulled from her musings as the Captain re-entered the room. She could tell by the look on his face that she should prepare for unpleasant news.

"There has been an attack on the United Earth Embassy," Archer said solemnly. "Right now the casualty count is nineteen, thirteen dead. We'll be arriving at Vulcan in sixteen hours. I need everyone to be squared away by then." With that Archer turned and left the room.

The constant burden of sorrow she had been carrying for so long returned to her. Her smile faded and the light in her eye dimmed. Everyone slowly picked up their things and left, not sure what to say to one another. Perhaps there was nothing to say. Accepting tragedy had gradually become more and more natural of a thing. It seemed to hurt less now.

Except for Hoshi.

For her it felt like each new death piled on top of one another, slowly crushing her under their weight. She walked numbly down the corridor to her quarters and was startled when she felt someone place a hand on her shoulder. She turned around to see Malcolm.

"Are you alright?" His voice was gentle and caring, and there was a look of concern in his face.

Hoshi gave him the same weak smile that had recently become her trademark. "Yeah," she answered, her voice low and controlled. "Yeah, I'm alright." Hoshi had turned back around to continue to her quarters, when she felt his gentle grip on her arm. He pulled her back to face him. His eyes moved across her face, seeing everything that was there and everything that was beneath it. In some ways Malcolm seemed to be as intuitive as Hoshi. The feeling that Malcolm was looking directly into her soul had a strange effect on her and, for some reason, she could no longer contain the hurt she felt.

"There's just been so much death," she whispered, tears brimming in her eyes.

Malcolm nodded and gently squeezed her arm. "I know," he said, his voice full of understanding. "We just always need to remember the things that are most important to us. Those are the things that keep us sane." He smiled gently. "Our friends, our duty. That's why we're still out here."

Hoshi wiped her eyes with the heel of her hand. "You're right. I don't know, sometimes it just seems like too much." They were both silent for a moment, then Hoshi finally broke the silence. "I really need to take a shower," she mentioned, offering him an exit. "I guess I'll see you later." Hoshi turned back down the corridor and continued to her quarters. It seemed as though as the distance between them grew with each footstep, Hoshi's burden gradually got heavier.

"Hoshi," Malcolm called from behind her, and Hoshi, once again, turned around. "Have lunch with me."

"Malcolm, really I'm fine," she said, not meaning a word of it.

Malcolm shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "Well, that's all fine then, but I'd rather not eat alone."

Hoshi smiled again and this time it was genuine. "All right, just let me take a quick shower."

Malcolm nodded his head. "I'll see you in the mess in thirty minutes."

This time a smile lingered on Hoshi's lips as she went back to her quarters.

=/\=

**Present- On Enterprise February 3, 2155 (ATP)**

Archer smiled softly as he cut through his pork chop. It was good to see Trip happy again. Even though it had been less than a month, the rigidness of his body had disappeared, and the casual air of his personality had returned. Jon knew that it would take time for him to heal, but this was a good start. And he had a pretty good idea why things had been working themselves out.

He put the small piece of meat in his mouth and chewed appreciatively.

Even though they were discreet about their relationship, the body language between the two commanders had always been very loud. Archer smiled as the two bantered across the table. That was the other thing; it used to worry him that they "argued" so much. He could see a thousand potential problems with his two senior-most officers constantly at each other's throats. Later he had realized that there was only a problem when the two _weren't_ arguing with each other.

"So Malcolm told me the good news," he said casually, once there was a break in the conversation. Trip looked at him for a moment, trying to place what he was talking about. "The incident in engineering yesterday…" Archer reminded him.

"Oh, that." Trip indicated to his hand, "Yeah. He hasn't said anything to me yet. But you seem pretty happy, so I'm assuming it was just a malfunction." Archer nodded his head. "I thought an investigation was a little overkill."

"Then why did you ask Malcolm to conduct one?"

Trip turned to face T'Pol.

"It was logical, Captain," she replied. "It seemed unlikely that something like that would occur so soon after the events of… Terra Prime."

Archer nodded his head again. "You made the right call," he reassured her, "but honestly I think Masaro was the only one. I don't think anyone else would ever become involved in anything like that. He even told me…" Archer's fork combed through his mashed potatoes. "…he regretted what he did, Trip."

Trip sat very still and Archer regretted the turn this conversation had taken. "I don't hate him," Trip said finally. T'Pol raised an eyebrow. "I wanted to, just so I would have someone to blame. But I couldn't. I worked with him. He was a good guy. He was just a young kid who made a bunch of stupid mistakes. I blame Terra Prime for everything, including what happened to him." Trip shoveled a forkful of peas into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully.

Archer wasn't really sure what to say. Trip hadn't been this open with him in a very long time. Before he could think of anything Trip changed the subject.

"Well, anyway, if it wasn't sabotage, then from the reports my guys gave me, I know what happened. There was just a glitch in the power grid. We'll just give it a tune-up, replace the coupling that burned out and everything should be good as new. It should only take about a day and a half at most."

Archer nodded, ignoring the sudden change in topic. He pointed at Trip's hand. "And that?"

Trip scowled. "Phlox says I'm outta commission for at least another day. I've been confined to my office and Phlox has assigned Anna to babysit me." He smiled mischievously. "You wouldn't mind talking to him for me, would you, Cap'n?"

Archer smiled back and raised his hands. "Hey, you know I don't really have any pull in the matter."

Trip nodded. T'Pol sniffed and looked at the clock on the wall then back to Trip. Trip took his napkin from his lap and put it on the table. "Well, Cap'n, I think I'm gunna hit the sack. It's been a long day."

T'Pol followed suit. "I agree with Commander Tucker."

Archer could barely contain a grin. "Of course." He had a pretty good idea why they were both so eager to leave… at the same time. T'Pol got up and Trip followed, but Archer caught him before he was out the door. "Hey Trip," he called.

"Yeah?"

"It was really good talking to you."

Trip smiled, "Yeah, it was."

Archer sat at the table for another five minutes pushing his food around the plate before he, too, got up to leave. Things were working out; everyone was getting back on their feet. Now all they needed was a mission.

=/\=

**July 12, 2154 (BTP)**

As planned they met in the mess hall thirty minutes later. Hoshi could see that Malcolm's hair was damp and he had changed into his uniform, indicating that he had taken a shower as well. As they went through the line Hoshi picked up a bowl of rice, some fruit, and some leftover plomeek soup. Malcolm picked up a turkey sandwich. They sat down at a table together and ate in silence for almost five minutes, finally Hoshi spoke up.

"I'm sorry about the way I acted in the hallway."

Malcolm immediately shook his head in disagreement. "You never need to apologize for the way you feel."

"Yes, well, it seems that I spend a great deal of time being upset around you. I don't want you to think that I'm a perpetually sad person."

"Well, as long as it's not a direct reflection of my company."

Hoshi smiled. "Of course not."

"Hoshi, there's nothing wrong with being open with your friends."

Hoshi giggled.

"What?" Malcolm asked, looking slightly confused.

"Well, I don't know. That just sounds so strange coming from you."

"Why?"

"Don't act so naïve. Malcolm, you know full well you have a reputation on this ship for being a recluse."

Malcolm sat quietly. For a moment, Hoshi thought that maybe she had hit a sore spot, although she wasn't entirely sure why.

"I suppose that's true," he said lightly. But there was something in his eyes that had changed – a spark that hinted at something in his past that only he knew.

Hoshi leaned forward and lowered her voice to make the conversation more private, even though there were only two other people in the mess at the moment. "Malcolm, why don't any of us know you? You know, you're really depriving the ship of an interesting person."

Malcolm laughed which, in turn, made Hoshi smile. "I'm not that interesting. And besides, you know me. Trip knows me. Your theory has no basis in fact."

"Of course I know you, but it's like you actively hide half of who you are from people. Like what were you like as a child? Why did you join Starfleet? What kind of music do you listen to? Do you know how much work I put into trying to figure out something as simple as the type of food you like? You let people know you superficially, but anything deeper seems unobtainable."

The smile that had been lingering on Malcolm's lips slowly faded while Hoshi talked. "A person's past is not always worth explaining, and often has nothing to do with who the person is in the present." Malcolm was shutting down.

"Okay," Hoshi conceded. It had become very obvious that this conversation was a touchy matter.

Malcolm saw the hurt expression that had spread across Hoshi's face. "It isn't a matter of trust," he said softly, reassuring her that it was nothing personal.

"Isn't it, though?" Hoshi asked.

They continued their meal in silence. When they'd finished, Hoshi walked back to her quarters with Malcolm accompanying her. They both stopped at her door, standing awkwardly in silence.

Neither wanted to leave the conversation the way it had ended, but neither really knew what to say. After a good thirty seconds, Hoshi entered her door's access code.

Right as she walked into her quarters, Malcolm spoke up. "I'm actually quite partial to Russian opera."

Hoshi poked her head out the door, utterly confused. "What?"

"That's what I like to listen to." A small smirk played across his face.

Hoshi laughed and went inside, it wasn't much but it was something.

=/\=

**Present- On Enterprise February 3, 2155 (ATP)**

Malcolm felt like it had been much too soon to be investigating another act of sabotage. He had been relieved when he had come up with nothing. An equipment malfunction had caused a conduit to overload. There had been no malicious intent. Malcolm scrubbed his hands over his face. Apparently he wasn't the only one who had become paranoid. Even T'Pol saw danger everywhere she looked. Although he was happy not to be the only one, Malcolm could see the problems that came along with it. In fact, a very good example of that had been sitting in the back of his mind for the last four days.

He had accused Hoshi of being involved in Terra Prime. Malcolm shook his head at the thought. Malcolm had let his overly cautious personality come between what he knew to be true: Hoshi would have never been part of Terra Prime. Malcolm thought back to the night Hoshi had come to his hotel room. She had been furious that Phlox had been in danger. In fact, Phlox seemed to be one of Hoshi's closest friends. Hoshi's job was to interact with and learn the languages of aliens. If Malcolm had taken the time to think about any of that for more than one second, he wouldn't be in this mess.

He had hurt her. By accusing her, he had proven to her what she had always thought of him: he didn't trust anyone. That, however, was far from the truth. He trusted his friends, but he trusted her above anyone else. In the last few months, they had become very close. There was a connection between them that Malcolm couldn't put into words. If he was really honest with himself, he had feelings for her that extended far beyond that of just friendship. It didn't really matter now, though. When he accused her of something that she obviously had not done, he had destroyed whatever trust there was between them. And as Hoshi said: "Without trust, there's really nothing." Now there was nothing. Malcolm didn't blame her for being mad. If Hoshi had come to him and asked him if he had killed the child of one of his closest friends, Malcolm would have taken a great deal of offense at the thought.

There was only one legitimate reason he could think of which explained why he had let himself do what he did. He had seen where their relationship was going. Even if, technically, they were only friends, Malcolm could feel that that balance was inching closer to something far more serious. It was better for her this way. If it hadn't been this, he would have ended up hurting her in some other way. I was better that it had happened before they got any closer.

Malcolm got up from his desk and went to turn the shower on. He got in and started washing his hair.

But it wasn't what he had wanted. Even though he felt like he was protecting her, he couldn't let the thought go. Hoshi was… hard to describe in words. She was passionate and brilliant. She always put the needs of others before herself. And her smile... Just the thought of it caused the edges of Malcolm's lips to inch upwards.

That was it. She made him happy. That's what made her so unique, so special.

Malcolm finished with his shower, stepped out, and dried off, then he pulled on a clean shirt and a pair of briefs. Even though he knew he should let things be, he couldn't. Hoshi was important to him, and tomorrow he intended to make sure she knew that.

=/\=

**July 13, 2154 (BTP)**

Hoshi lay in bed with a pillow over her head. Even in the quiet of a darkened room, her skull still pounded. It had been like this all day long, and being on the bridge for six hours hadn't helped. Hoshi swore that if she looked in the mirror, her head would be pulsating. And she was tempted to do so, but that would require getting out of bed, which she didn't want to do. Hoshi scrunched her eyes up tighter and curled into a ball. She wanted to take another dose of the analgesic that Phlox had given her, but since she had taken her last one only an hour ago, that didn't seem like a very good idea. As Hoshi was going through the list of things that she could do to make the headache go away, her computer screen started beeping, indicating that there was a new message. She would have just ignored it, but the incessant beeping was making the pain in her head worse, so she answered. She was actually kind of surprised by who was on the screen.

"Evan. Wow, it's almost been two months. I thought you'd forgotten about me."

"Sorry, some things came up." Hoshi flinched at the volume of his voice and turned the speakers down. "But if your offer still stands, we have an assignment for you."

Hoshi nodded. "I told you I wanted to help."

"I don't know if what I'm about to ask you to do is legal. I want to make it perfectly clear that this is your own choice. If you choose not to do it, no one will hold that against you. But we believe this will greatly help the cause."

Hoshi nodded again, so Evan continued. "We want you to send us all of the ship's mission reports: every alien threat, every hostile situation, all of them."

It wasn't exactly what Hoshi had expected. "A lot of that information is sensitive, and with good reason. It could cause mass panic in the general public."

Evan smiled. "That's what we're counting on. If people understood what's happening out there, like you do, they would understand why aliens are so dangerous. As it stands, all anyone really knows is that the Xindi attacked Earth. But what about all of the other hostile aliens you've encountered? I'm sure there have been quite a few. Shouldn't the people on Earth have a right to know about those as well? The reason more people on-planet don't feel the way we do is because they don't know what's going on out there. If everyone can understand the dangers that come with aliens, fewer people would be so nonchalant about letting them on our planet."

Hoshi was starting to see the logic in this plan, but it being illegal wasn't even the worst of her problems. "I'm not sure I can get access to those files."

Evan shook his head. "That's already been taken care of. You know Masaro? He'll get the information you need and he'll encrypt it. All you need to do is send it to us and make sure that the transmission can't be traced."

Hoshi rubbed her face with her hands. She saw the validity of his plan, and he was right, it would help the cause. But if anyone found out, it would cost Hoshi her job, not that it really mattered now. Hoshi closed her eyes tight; the light from the screen was exacerbating her headache.

"Hoshi?"

Hoshi opened her eyes. "I need some time to think about it. I'll contact you tomorrow."

Evan nodded, but didn't seem disappointed. "Of course. I didn't expect an answer right this instant." He smiled. "We can't do it without you, Hoshi. Have a good night."

Hoshi smiled tightly and turned off the screen. He was right. This would be the information that changed people's minds. When Starfleet finally decided that she was no longer fit for duty, at least she could go home to a place that was safe.

Hoshi lay back down on her bed and stared at the ceiling. She would do it.

=/\=

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Title: Mistakes

Author: Auroraborealis

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the star trek characters or anything.

Summary: AU. What if Hoshi had a hand in what happened with Terra Prime? How would it affect her and her relationships with people on the ship?

Spoilers: Kir'shara and Awakening

A/N- The past tense for this chapter is set during the time of the Forge arc, specifically Kir'shara and Awakening. And just a reminder, BTP stands for Before Terra Prime and ATP stands for after Terra Prime. Also, as always, thank you to my beta, Dinah.

**Chapter 9**

=/\=

**July 17****, 2154 (BTP)**

Malcolm fists clenched and unclenched involuntarily as he walked down the corridor to the armory. Were they doing the right thing? Should they really be involving themselves in the Vulcan/ Andorian conflict? Like Trip had said, they were already involved, but should they really put the whole ship at risk based on the intel given by a Vulcan, whom, in the past, had been anything but supportive of _Enterprise's_ mission? On the other hand, Admiral Forrest had sacrificed his life to save that of his friend, Soval, someone he had trusted.

Malcolm's brow furrowed. It wasn't as if any of this really matter, as it wasn't his decision. Right now he just needed to concentrate on getting the shuttle back up and running. Preoccupied by his thoughts, Malcolm was paying very little attention to where he was walking, and as he turned the corner, he bummed into Hoshi, sending the armful of PADDs she was carrying clattering to the ground.

"I apologize. I wasn't paying attention," Malcolm said quickly, as he bent down to help her pick them up.

Hoshi got the three lying closest to her. "Don't worry about it," she said casually, as she gathered them back into her arms. Malcolm picked up the other four and handed them to her. As she got up, Hoshi seemed to waver slightly and her arm shot out to the wall.

Malcolm grabbed her other arm to steady her. "Hoshi?" he asked, with a twinge of concern in his voice.

Hoshi took a deep breath. As quickly as the dizziness had come, it seemed to pass. "I just got up too fast." She smiled as she waved him off. "I'm okay."

Malcolm nodded and started walking back in the direction he was going with Hoshi by his side. "I could have sworn you were going in the opposite direction," he goaded lightly.

"I was. And then I decided to take the long way." She smiled brightly up at him. "Besides, with you almost getting shot out of the sky, I had to come see if you were all right." Her attitude was still playful, but there was a tone of relief in her voice that could have only stemmed from true distress.

"You needn't worry so much. You'll get sick. Travis and I are fine," Malcolm said, attempting to disperse any lingering anxiety she may have been feeling.

Hoshi's face changed as if she had just remembered something. "So we're going to Andoria?" she asked in a tone of disbelief.

Malcolm gave her a stiff nod. "Yes."

"Why?" she asked as she shifted the PADDs from one arm to the other.

"Soval believes that the High Command is attempting to start an intergalactic war with the Andorians based on false pretenses. However, if that's the case, I'm not exactly sure what Commander Tucker plans to do to stop it."

The two stepped into a turbo lift. "Perhaps this will all turn out in the long run, but I have some concerns at the moment that I wish he would consider." Realizing what he had said, Malcolm proceeded to backpedal. "Not that I think that Commander Tucker is an incapable leader, on the contrary I…" Landing on the floor they needed, the two left the turbo lift.

"No, I know. Malcolm, you need to realize that I'm not going to judge everything that comes out of your mouth," Hoshi laughed. "But if Trip, as a person, is any indication of how this will turn out, I think we'll all be just fine. He's gotten himself in more trouble than anyone else on the ship." Her brow creased in thought. "Except maybe you, of course, but that's beside the point. As many times as he's been in a bad situation, he's always found a way out of it."

"I know. But with the Captain and Commander T'Pol still on Vulcan, in a potentially hostile situation, and then with our weapons still off-line, if Commander Tucker sets us down in the middle of a firefight, I'm not sure exactly what kind of options, if any, will be open to us." Malcolm ran his fingers through his hair. "Really, right now I just need to concentrate on getting the weapons back online." The armory was now in sight. "Well, this is my stop," he informed Hoshi, before walking towards the door. "I'll talk to you later," he called, ducking inside.

"All right. Hey, Malcolm?" Hoshi waited for a response.

Malcolm turned around. "Yeah."

"Don't worry so much. You'll get sick." Hoshi smiled as she walked away, and Malcolm noticed that a hint of her scent was briefly left behind. Malcolm smiled back, even though she could no longer see him, and got started on the weapons systems.

=/\=

**P****resent - On **_**Enterprise**_** February 8****, 2155 (ATP)**

T'Pol woke up due to the absence of him. It was strange how quickly she had become accustomed to his presence, so much so that the absence of him was unsettling. The room was too dark to see where he was but she could hear him breathing, and felt his weight pressing into the bed.

"Trip?" She turned the light on. "Can you not sleep?" she asked gently.

Trip was sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands as if concentrating very hard on something. "We had a baby girl," he replied his voice thick with emotion.

"Yes," she replied softly.

Trip roughly rubbed his hands across his face and sniffed. He got up and put on a pair of sweat pants. "There's something in engineering I should check on."

T'Pol looked at the clock on the desk. "It is 0200."

Trip glanced at the clock too. "It doesn't matter," he mumbled.

T'Pol grabbed his arm before he left. "Trip, stay," she pleaded.

Trip let her drag him back towards the bed. "Let me share in your dream."

Trip seemed taken aback. "How…?"

"You speak when you are asleep, and we bonded. I believe your dream may be what is keeping you from sleeping."

"How long have you noticed me not sleeping?" Trip asked curiously.

"Since we began sleeping together." Trip said nothing, "I had hoped that you would come to me."

Trip took T'Pol's hand. "I'm sorry."

"Trip, we are bonded. There is nothing that you have to face alone."

Trip smiled weakly and kissed her gently on the lips. "I know." He sat down next to her.

T'Pol searched his face and found only sadness. "Then why didn't you come to me?"

Trip shook his head. "I don't know. I didn't want you to worry about it."

She gently stroked his face. "Will you let me in?"

Trip hesitated, sensing what she meant, but then nodded his head. T'Pol situated them so that they were sitting straddling each other's waists, their chests almost touching. She gently placed her fingers in the appropriate spots on his face.

"My mind to your mind," she recited softly. Trip closed his eyes.

"Your thoughts to my thoughts." Trip felt something like the feeling you get right before you fall asleep come over him.

"Our minds are merging." T'Pol felt the intermingling of each other's minds so much more strongly than usual.

"Our minds are one." The last part was uttered as much by her voice as it was spoken inside their two minds—their single mind.

Trip opened his eyes to find himself in the same white space he had experienced when he had transferred to the Columbia. "I've been here before."

T'Pol nodded. "I want you to concentrate on your dream."

"All right." Trip breathed. He closed his eyes and when he opened them again, they were standing where his dream always began, the infirmary where Elizabeth died. Trip walked cautiously over to where the lifeless form of his daughter lay in the incubator. Tears sprang into his eyes.

"Then what happens?" T'Pol asked gently.

Trip picked up the body of his child and held her close to his chest, rocking her back and forth. Trip closed his eyes tightly. "I just stand here for hours…holding her," he whispered. "That's what my dream is. Every night."

T'Pol took his hand and pulled him a couple of steps. Suddenly they were back in her white space. "Why?"

Trip shook his head. "I don't know."

T'Pol held his hand more tightly. "Rather than focusing on the tragedy that was, focus on what has come from it. What can come from it. Elizabeth brought us together. This is what I see."

The image changed again. This time the two of them were sitting in a field somewhere on Earth. Trip looked around, then he saw a five-year-old girl. When he looked closer, he immediately saw the resemblance. She was his.

"Daddy!" she squealed as she ran towards him. Trip scooped the girl up into his arms; he stared at the grinning face looking back at him. She had bright blue eyes, a faint spattering of freckles, pointed ears and short cropped brown hair.

Trip hugged her close to his chest, stroking her soft hair. "Hey, sweetheart," he murmured past the lump in his throat.

T'Pol touched his shoulder. "This will be ours one day."

Trip closed his eyes and found himself back in the white space. Rather than feeling the loss he had felt so deeply for the past few months, he felt a renewed sense of hope.

T'Pol broke the connection and found herself entangled in Trip's grasp. Rather than letting her go, when Trip opened his eyes, he held her closer.

"I love you." He smiled.

T'Pol felt her heart jump. Although she had felt it for some time now, it was the first time he had said it to her directly.

"And I you," she reciprocated.

Not entirely ready to part from the intimacy the two felt, T'Pol pushed herself closer to Trip, kissing him deeply. He greeted her mouth warmly, allowing her to explore his mouth while at the same time exploring hers. Suddenly the clothes between them were offensive. The two pulled at each other's garments until there was nothing but skin touching skin.

Trip rolled T'Pol onto her back and felt the warmth of her slight yet muscular body beneath his. He wanted every inch of him to be touching her. Feeling his desire, T'Pol put her hand back to the points on his face, this time only creating a half connection. Both of them gasped as their desire for each other was doubled. Trip broke the constant contact between their mouths and let his lips trail down T'Pol's neck. T'Pol wrapped her legs around her bond mate, her ashel'veh, her thy'la, the man she would spend the rest of her life with, and they made love.

Afterwards, Trip held T'Pol in his arms, the warmth of her body reflecting the warmth of his soul. Trip knew that T'Pol was right; he would never be alone in anything.

_Parted and never parted, _Trip heard whispered in his mind.

He smiled. Yes, never parted.

=/\=

**July 23****, 2154 (BTP)**

Hoshi was three quarters of the way done with her work out when Masaro entered the gym. It was just as they had agreed to keep attention from themselves. It was late, so no one would be using the gym. And if the two of them happened to have a conversation while being the only two in the gym, there was nothing suspicious about that either. Hoshi ran in silence for five more minutes before she addressed him.

"Did you get what I we need?" she asked casually.

Masaro just nodded and handed her a small envelope. She stopped jogging and took it from him. She had almost finished her run anyway.

"This is everything," he said, while handing it to her.

She tucked the envelope into her gym bag and took a swig of water. Masaro was still standing in front of her. She looked at him expectantly.

"Are you sure?" he asked a bit abruptly.

Hoshi didn't need clarification to know what he meant. Was she sure this was worth breaking the law? Was she sure this was worth her career, his career? If Earth was truly a democratic planet then the people should be able to choose whether or not to continue in this endeavor. It was important that they had all information they needed to make an informed decision, they need to see all sides, good and bad. She had already made up her mind. "Yes, I'm sure."

Masaro seemed to relax. "Okay, thank you, ma'am." He got on the now empty treadmill and started his workout.

As Hoshi was leaving the gym she almost ran into Malcolm. Her heart leapt into her throat. For one second, she was sure that he knew. But of course he didn't, so she smiled. Malcolm returned her smile.

Hoshi had realized sometime in the last week that she was a privileged person. There were very few people on the ship who had ever actually seen Malcolm smile. Even those who did only got the tight short smile. The only other person Hoshi had seen Malcolm smile wholly around was Trip, and even that was rare.

"It looks like you just finished up, but if you'd like, you can join me for some light sparring. I've been working on some of those Aikido moves you showed me. I think you'd be rather impressed," Malcolm joked.

"You know, I would love to, and typically I would, but I have another headache, so I think I'm just going to turn in for the night."

Malcolm frowned slightly. "Another headache? Have you seen Phlox about that?"

"Yeah," she replied a bit too quickly. "He said everything's all right." She hadn't been lying exactly about the headache, they were almost a constant now; however, the severity waxed and waned throughout the day. Right now, thankfully, it was fairly mild.

Malcolm nodded. "All right then, sleep well. I'll see you tomorrow."

Hoshi smiled. "Better yet, join me for breakfast," she suggested.

"0800?"

Hoshi nodded her head in agreement and left.

As soon as she got back to her quarters, Hoshi pulled the encrypted data chip out of the envelop and put it into her computer. She sent it on a piggyback communication signal, then she wiped the signal from the memory, and destroyed the chip.

No one would find any evidence of it, or even have any reason to look.

It was done.

=/\=

**Present - On **_**E**__**nterprise**_** February 9, 2155 (ATP)**

Hoshi opened her door when she heard the indicator beep. She was a bit surprised to see Malcolm, especially since she had been very obviously avoiding him for the past couple of days.

Hoshi didn't say anything, not because she was still angry, but because she didn't really know what to say. He had been right, after all. She had been involved in Terra Prime, whether she wanted to admit to it or not. He was right to accuse her, and still she had put up a fight. She had made him feel like he was in the wrong. Hoshi cringed slightly at the thought. Why did she keep doing these things? If she admitted what she had done, she would go to jail. It wasn't that she was afraid – in fact, that would almost be easier – but what about the people on the ship? How would Trip and T'Pol, or anyone for that matter, trust anyone again? It was one thing for one person to betray everyone, but for two? Not only that, but Hoshi had been with the ship for going on five years now. She knew everyone onboard personally. How would they handle her betrayal? How could they ever understand? Was it really fair to put them through that? No, Hoshi reminded herself. She was doing the right thing. It was as if she had decided that this was her penance. Walking the corridors of the ship she still saw the pain she had caused. Who was to say that wasn't punishment enough? To be reminded everyday that you betrayed everyone who trusted you.

"Hoshi, can we talk?" Malcolm's voice pulled her out of her thoughts when she realized he was still standing outside her door. Hoshi moved aside but didn't sit down, urging him to do the same. The two ended up standing only a couple of feet away from her door.

"I want to apologize for what happened the last time we spoke." Hoshi didn't say anything, but immediately felt guilty. He wanted to apologize? This was all her fault. "I shouldn't have accused you like that." Malcolm rubbed the bride of his nose. "I suppose what happened with Masaro left me a bit paranoid."

"You were just doing your job," Hoshi replied flatly

"That's just it though. I wasn't. I don't truly believe that you could have had anything to do with Terra Prime."

"Malcolm, that doesn't make any sense."

"I suppose I convinced myself that you were involved—so that things between us would be easier."

"I don't understand." Hoshi was now thoroughly confused, then she realized what he meant. "Oh, you mean…"

"Our friendship… it seems that it has evolved into something more complex, something I wasn't expecting."

"You weren't expecting to have a friend, Malcolm? That's ridiculous." Irritation crept into her voice.

"Hoshi, we're more than just friends, and you bloody well know it. It's made things very complicated." Malcolm's lips pinched together.

All of the defensiveness in Hoshi's face disappeared. She had known that they would have this conversation eventually. The obvious attachment between the two of them just seemed to only be growing stronger. Malcolm seemed to forcing himself to stand still, every muscle in his body rigid.

"Well," she said finally, "what do you want to do about it."

"I don't know," he replied; frustrated.

Hoshi reached out and gently took his hand. His body softened in reaction. "Really, there are only two options open to us. We could end our personal relationship and go back to having a strictly professional one…" Hoshi took a step closer, moving into Malcolm's personal space, "or, we can both accept that we have deeper feelings for each and move on from there."

"Hoshi, there are regulations…"

"The Captain has granted the crew an amount of leeway in that matter and you know it." Hoshi looked pleadingly into his eyes, "I don't like the first option, Malcolm." Malcolm stood awkwardly silent for a beat, but Hoshi could feel him letting go of the last of his reservations.

"Neither do I." he agreed.

She smiled and closed the remaining distance between them. Malcolm pressed his lips firmly against hers, apparently relishing the feeling of her mouth beneath his own. Every feeling either of them had felt over the past months seemed to be expelled through the action. Hoshi felt electricity pulsing through her body. She gasped as Malcolm pulled her closer to him, pushing her body against his. Her hands, without thought, reached for the zipper at his throat. But Malcolm stopped her, ending the kiss and pulling away. A warm satisfied smile spread across his face.

"I'm still on duty," he said softly.

Hoshi nodded her head, understanding. He kissed her gently on the lips.

"Come to my quarters tonight," he requested, "and we'll have dinner." He squeezed her hand then left.

Hoshi sat on her bed, feeling the warm blush slowly leave her face. What was she doing? Hoshi knew she didn't deserve this, deserve him, after what she had done.

She also knew she couldn't keep herself away from him.

=/\=

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

Title: Mistakes

Author: Auroraborealis

Rating: This chapter is PG-13 I'm not positive what the other chapters are going to be like.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the star trek characters or anything.

Summary: AU. What if Hoshi had a hand in what happened with Terra Prime? How would it affect her and her relationships with people on the ship?

Spoilers: Marauders, The Seventh, Terra Prime, and Daedalus

A/N- As always, thank you to my beta, Dinah.

**Chapter 10**

=/\=

**Present - On **_**E**__**nterprise**_** March 2, 2155 (ATP)**

It had been almost two months since _Enterprise_ had received any specific mission orders. Of course they had spent the majority of said time on Vulcan, including almost two weeks of just floating around.

They had run into a new species of aliens a couple of days ago. Despite their seemingly ominous name, the Vicilrins were actually quite pleasant people. They had needed help with repairs when their cargo ship had been attacked by Orions. Really, aside from that small encounter, nothing had happened. Archer felt his people getting antsy. So when Admiral Gardner had commed him with new orders, Archer was more than a bit pleased. He knew this was what everyone needed. The way things were, people had too much time to think, and with everything that had happened recently, Archer wasn't sure that was a good thing.

As he entered the briefing room, he was surprised to see that everyone had arrived before him. He checked the clock on the wall; it was 1513 and he smiled to himself. Archer wasn't late, they all just had too much time and nothing to do with it. However, that was about to change. "I know the briefing was scheduled for 1530 but since everyone is already here, I'm sure you won't mind if we just get started early." Archer handed Trip the stack of PADDs he was carrying and motioned for him to pass them around. "Starfleet contacted me about two hours ago. They have a mission for us." Everyone seemed intent on what he was saying. "Remember that little mining colony we helped out a while back? The one the Klingons were taking advantage of? Well, we

got a communication from Tessic. The Klingons are back and the colony wants our help again."

"What do the Klingons want?" Trip asked. "It's been almost two years. You'd think they would have forgotten about them by now."

Archer shook his head, "Tessic said he didn't recognize them. So it's not Korok and his men. Anyway, we've offered them a more permanent solution than coming by and fighting off the Klingons every so often. Starfleet suggested to them that they move closer to Earth. We have a planet pretty close by that has deuterium deposits, but there's something in the mining process that is harmful to humans. They've been trying to come up with a safer alternative but so far, nothing. Our miner friends, however, would be happy to mine the planet in return for protection and a small percentage of the deuterium yield. It would be a mutually beneficial arrangement. Tessic accepted on behalf of the colony."

"What about their people or the Klingons? Aren't we kind of interfering?" Hoshi asked

"It's not a colony of Klingons so this has nothing to do with the Empire. It's not as if we're taking the planet, just the people on it. As for Tessic and his people, they traveled a great distance away from their home world many years ago. There have been at least five generations on that planet with no word from their home planet."

"So, Cap'n, what exactly are we doin'?"

Archer smiled. "_Enterprise_ will be responsible for the transport of the personnel and equipment from their colony to the new planet. We will also be responsible for re-settling them, making sure they have everything they need."

"What is the expected time allotted for this mission?" asked T'Pol, while scanning through the information on the PADD.

"At the very most—eight months. However, I'm fairly confident it won't take us that long."

At that, Trip seemed ready to jump out of his chair. "Eight months?"

Archer cut him off before he could go any farther. "With everything this ship has been through," he said, pointedly looking at Trip, "Starfleet feels that, especially with _Columbia _out here and _Intrepid_ so close to completion, it's time to take _Enterprise_ off the frontlines. This mission puts us in a position to be more readily available to help out the _Columbia_ if she gets in trouble. Not only that, but with us having the most experience out here, we're also the best fit for diplomatic missions such as this. However, I have been assured that this is strictly temporary. We finish this one mission and it's back to business as usual."

Archer looked around the room, although he hadn't been expecting cheers or excitement, the look of loss on the faces of his subordinates wasn't exactly expected, either. "Are there any questions?" he asked finally. He received nothing in return but a mumbled mixture of 'no, sir.'

"All right then, you're all dismissed. Your specific mission tasks are included in the information on the PADDs. Please be sure to disseminate all information to your subordinates," he ended officially. Everyone got up and quietly left the briefing room.

He didn't quite understand their reaction. Yes, this mission would be a bit tedious, but it was a nice change of pace from what they'd been doing the last two years. Was that it maybe? Did his people not feel useful unless they were doing something inherently dangerous? Was it that once things were a certain way it was hard to remember how they were before? He could see that they had all changed, but he was convinced that, for the most part, it was for the better. But, perhaps it was only he who had changed. Maybe he was getting too old for this, so he welcomed the change to a slower pace.

He quickly shook the thought from his head. No. He was as annoyed with this assignment as the rest of them. But as much as he hated to admit it, Starfleet was right. This ship needed a break or its crew was going to burn out. They had really never been allowed a respite between the Expanse and the political hell that had been this year. He felt that this mission would maybe give people time to heal much of the damage that had been caused. Whether they liked it or not, Archer was convinced this was what they needed.

=/\=

**October 5****, 2154 (BTP)**

Today was not a good day.

Hoshi knelt as she retched the very little she had in her stomach into the toilet. Even though she hadn't had any more than a few swallows of coffee this morning, her stomach seemed particularly uncooperative today. It also seemed that her bad days were becoming more and more frequent.

When she thought she was finished, Hoshi let her head, eyes closed, rest against the wall for a moment. She then got up and washed her face in the sink. The cool water helped with her aching head. This was a pattern that was becoming all too frequent in Hoshi's opinion. Thankfully, her shift was over, and she knew that if she just got some sleep, things would be better when she woke up. Generally they were; so far these incidents hadn't lasted more than a day.

Hoshi slid into bed and pulled the covers over her head to block out any remaining light in the already darkened room. She couldn't remember the last time she had used the lights in her quarters at full power. It was nice to come to a dark room after spending half the day in the presence of too bright lights. In fact, Hoshi was almost positive that if she could just avoid the lights, her headaches would be cut in half. But that, of course, was not an option.

Hoshi's thoughts were interrupted when her door indicator beeped, and although she knew she really didn't have a choice; it took quite a bit of effort to convince herself to answer the door. Rather than actually getting up, she switched on her bedside lamp, pushed herself up to a sitting position, and took out a PADD sitting on the table beside her. Perhaps if she feigned being incredibly busy whoever it was would leave her alone.

"Come in," she called. Hoshi was very surprised to see Malcolm at her door, and then less surprised when she remembered they had had plans to work out later tonight. "Oh, Malcolm. I'm sorry," she apologized before he got a word in. "I completely forgot about our plans." She scooted out from under her blankets to sit on the edge of her bed.

"That's all right," he answered. "You look busy. I'm sorry I disturbed you."

Hoshi shook her head. "No, not at all."

Malcolm nodded. "Well, I'll let you get back to work."

Hoshi was about to let him go, but stopped him when she remembered something. "Malcolm," she asked in a concerned voice, "how's Burrows?"

Malcolm's semi-relaxed demeanor faded. "Not good," he said, looking at the floor.

Hoshi searched his face. "How are you?"

Malcolm avoided her eyes in an attempt to conceal some emotion from her, "He hasn't been on board more than two months. We're in the bloody Barrens; there's not even supposed to be anything out here."

Hoshi's lips pressed into a thin, hard line. Everyone thought that Malcolm was so detached that things didn't really affect him. But Hoshi felt sure that he felt every loss as deeply as everyone else. He just made it his duty to keep it hidden, for some unknown reason. Hoshi got up, hoping to offer him some amount of comfort; however, as soon as she did so she regretted the action. Her vision speckled and her balance wavered, probably from the lack of food in her system more than anything else. Luckily, Malcolm caught her as she stumbled.

"Are you all right?" he asked, concern creeping into his voice.

"Yeah," she assured him. "I just got up too fast." As she spoke, the overwhelming scent of soap filled her nostrils. It wasn't really any different than the way he usually smelled – not at all unpleasant – it was just so strong. Suddenly, the familiar nausea that had plagued her all day came back in full force. Hoshi pulled away from his grasp, hoping to make it back to the bathroom in time. Instead, she collapsed half way there, coughing as she retched bile and spit onto the tile floor.

Malcolm knelt beside her. "Hoshi?" Even though his voice was calm, his body language was tense, ready to do anything he needed to.

Hoshi was still kneeling on the ground, breathing deeply in an attempt to qualm the nausea, not exactly sure if she wanted to move yet.

Malcolm pulled her hair away from her face and soothingly stroked her back. "Hoshi, what's wrong?" he asked gently.

She moved to sit against the wall, rubbing her hands across her closed eyes. "I have a migraine."

Malcolm knew that what she said could easily be the truth. But he also knew it wasn't. She was too guarded; there had been too many little hints that something was wrong. Malcolm knew there was something she wasn't telling him. "Hoshi…"

Hoshi shook her head, then unexpectedly retched again, this time bringing up nothing.

"That's it. I'm taking you to Phlox," he said, moving to pick her up.

Hoshi waved him away. "It doesn't matter; he already knows."

The hand that had been stroking her back tensed and stilled. "Knows what?"

She took one more deep breath. "It's a side effect of those parasites they injected me with," she said quietly. "It's been getting worse since we got back."

Malcolm looked confused for a moment, but then it seemed click. His hands tightened into fists and a darkness came over his face, "What's going to happen?" he asked, his voice tightly controlled.

Hoshi shook her head. "Phlox has been working on something, but it will take time." Her throat constircted as she admitted something to him that she hadn't yet admitted to herself. "I don't know how much longer I can stay on board the ship. Phlox told me that as long as it wasn't affecting my work, he would keep my condition confidential."

Malcolm slowly nodded his head, seeming to take the information in stride. "Are you still feeling sick?" he asked gently.

Hoshi shook her head. "No, I'm better." Malcolm helped her up and guided her back over to her bed, which Hoshi settled back into, feeling much better than she had ten minutes ago. Malcolm moved the small trashcan out from under her desk next to her.

"I'm going to go ask Phlox for some anti-nausea meds. I'll be right back," he said soothingly.

"Thank you, Malcolm."

She was almost asleep by the time he came back, more from exhaustion than any comfort he provided. But it was sleep all the same. She felt him press a hypo against her neck and quickly decided that it had been combined with a sedative. Hoshi heard Malcolm moving around, but the sounds moved in and out, merging together. At one point, she heard him rustling around in the bathroom, and cringed as she realized that he must have been cleaning up the mess on the floor. But she relaxed a bit as she knew she would do the same for him. Hoshi was sleeping soundly in under five minutes.

Malcolm had questions: why hadn't she told him, and how long had it been this bad. But he knew this wasn't the time to ask. Right now his priority was making sure Hoshi was all right, and the best way to see to that was to make sure she got some sleep. When he had gone to Phlox, the doctor didn't seem surprised at his request for her. He did seem surprised, however, that Malcolm knew. Malcolm put it down on his mental list that he would find out from Phlox exactly what this was. Hoshi had been hiding this from the entire ship. She didn't deserve this. Hoshi had been through so much at the hands of the Xindi; to add this to things just didn't seem fair. Hoshi was such a good person, and had become one of his closest friends.

When he got back to her quarters, she was already asleep. He pressed the hypo against her neck and pulled the covers up over her shoulder, careful not wake her. He was hesitant to leave her alone, but thought it would be inappropriate to sleep in her chair, especially since she hadn't really asked for his help. Instead, he put her communicator on the table beside her, along with a glass of water and a note: _Comm. me if you need anything_. Confident he had done all he could, he turned off her light and went to his own quarters, troubled by what he now knew.

=/\=

**Present - On **_**E**__**nterprise**_** March 2, 2155 (ATP)**

T'Pol looked at the screen in front of her. Even though she had known it was coming, she had hoped that it wouldn't. There was a message from the Ministry of Security:

_Operative,_

_You will report to the gates of __Fo-don Eshikh __in at the third hour in 128 Vulcan days in order to conduct your fourth cycle for the purpose of rehabilitating your specific skill sets._

_Command_

The last three times she had been recalled, she had been willing, even eager, if that was the right word. But not this time. After her first cycle she had been an active operative until her next cycle. She had relished the experience, and was very good at what she did, so after her second cycle she had remained active. But then things started to change. She had felt things inside of her twisting, bits of who she had once been being pulled away. She had requested to be allowed to change her status to inactive. She was then stationed aboard the _Seleya. _Since that time she had remained inactive, aside from the incident two years ago on Pernaia Prime.

Things were so different than they had been when she was young. _Enterprise_ was where she belonged now. She didn't want to leave her colleagues, her mate. Even if it was only for six months, she knew when she came back, things would be different. They always were. Whether it was her or the people she had left behind, things were never the same as they had been when she left.

She deleted the message and switched off the screen just as Trip walked into their quarters. He smiled as soon as he saw her.

"I thought you had the late shift tonight," he commented casually before he kissed her briefly on the mouth.

T'Pol kissed him back then shook her head. "I was assigned to the early shift today."

"Oh." Trip shrugged his shoulders. "Well I was just stopping by to pick up something I left here. I have a couple more hours until I finish up, but I shouldn't be too late tonight."

T'Pol nodded her head. "Then I will see you tonight."

Trip picked up a PADD from the desk, then turned to leave again. Before he walked out the door, T'Pol grabbed his hand. She kissed him again and was rewarded with another smile before he left their quarters.

She didn't want to leave this.

=/\=

**TBC**


	11. Chapter 11

Title: Mistakes

Author: Auroraborealis

Rating: This chapter is PG I'm not positive what the other chapters are going to be like.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the star trek characters or anything.

Summary: AU. What if Hoshi had a hand in what happened with Terra Prime? How would it affect her and her relationships with people on the ship?

Spoilers: Terra Prime

A/N- As always, thank you to my beta, Dinah.

**Chapter 11**

=/\=

**October 12****, 2154 (BTP)**

Hoshi opened the door to her quarters, mostly out of curiosity to see who had been ringing her door chime this late. She was surprised when she saw Masaro, a huge grin spread across his face. As soon it registered who it was, she yanked him inside, letting the door slide shut behind her.

"What are you doing here? We shouldn't even be talking to each other," she scolded.

"Don't worry so much." Hoshi's harsh tone hadn't seemed to diminish the young man's excited attitude. "No one saw me. Everyone's asleep."

Hoshi's arms hugged tightly around herself, waiting for an answer. When one didn't come, she threw up her hands in exasperation. "Well… what?"

"I thought you would want to know. They contacted me. The DNA has reached its destination and they've begun with the plan."

"Wait..." Hoshi waved her hand at him. "DNA?"

"Yes, we made the difference. Now everyone will see."

"What do you mean DNA?"

Masaro's brow creased and his smile gradually faded. "The DNA we sent them. Why do you seem so surprised?"

Realization hit Hoshi with full force, almost knocking her off her feet. She took three quick breaths. "Get out."

"What?" he asked confused, "I thought you would be happy."

"Get. Out. Do not contact me again unless the matter is purely professional. Do you understand me?"

The smile occupying the young man's face finally vanished. He nodded in compliance, then turned and left. Hoshi paced back and forth across the floor. What was going on? What had he been talking about? Hoshi knew there was only one way to find out.

=/\=

**Present - On **_**E**__**nterprise**_** March 9, 2155 (ATP)**

Malcolm stroked Hoshi's hair as she leaned against him, her soft breathing an indication that she was falling asleep. Malcolm couldn't help but smile.

"What?" Hoshi asked sleepily.

"We've been lying here for five minutes."

Hoshi scowled up at him. "I'm tired." She closed her eyes again. "And happen to be very comfortable."

"Ah." They were both silent for a bit. "So are we still having lunch tomorrow?"

Hoshi opened her eyes. "I'm sorry, Mal. I can't. I'm supposed to be finding quarters for our to-be guests. It's probably going to take all day to find people willing to give up their room for a couple of months."

"Why don't you just set up a lottery?"

"Eh… I thought about that, but if I can find people who are willing, why force people who aren't?"

Malcolm nodded then was silent for a moment, "I just don't understand it."

"What?"

"We do a few diplomatic missions and all of a sudden we're intergalactic babysitters."

Hoshi giggled, "Malcolm, you don't think you're overacting just a little bit?"

"Of course not. Do you want to spend the rest of your career dealing with the Andorians and the Tellarites? I guarantee you the next time either of them have a spat we're going to be the ones taking care of it. We've become the government's political checker piece."

"You had to have known something like this was going to happen eventually. I mean, look at the last year, Malcolm. We've played an important hand in completely reconfiguring Vulcan's political construction, we've diffused a war between the Vulcans and the Andorians, we've stopped a war between the Andorians and the Tellarites, and we're on our way to making a cohesive coalition of planets with our intergalactic allies. Starfleet needs someone out here to keep the peace. Who better than us?"

Malcolm didn't say anything, and let Hoshi drift back into sleep. He looked at the clock on her desk; it read 2309. It was time to go. He gently slid out of the bed, careful not to wake Hoshi, but as soon as he felt he was clear, she gently grabbed his hand.

"You know you can stay here for the night. You don't have to leave," Hoshi mumbled, half awake.

Malcolm thought about it for a moment. If he woke up an hour earlier than usual, he could leave without anyone noticing. "All right." He kissed Hoshi's forehead then got up and took off his jumpsuit, laying it carefully over her desk chair. When he slid under the blanket, Hoshi, asleep again, instinctively cuddled closer to him. Malcolm smiled as she burrowed into his chest, then he turned off the lamp on the bedside table before he draped his arm protectively over Hoshi.

Even though it had only been a week, there was something so right about this relationship, like moving on from their friendship had been the natural next step. It wasn't just that though; this was one of the very few relationships he'd been in where he felt there was some sort of a future in it. This wasn't just a fling. Malcolm loved her.

=/\=

**October 12****, 2154 (BTP)**

Hoshi sat down in front of the screen on her desk. It was time to get answers. She dialed Evan, and was a bit surprised when his face popped on the screen.

"Hoshi… it's late. What can I do for you?" he asked a bit nervously.

At the moment, Hoshi didn't' feel she had the time for pleasantries. "I need to know what Masaro was talking about. He said that I had sent you DNA. Whose DNA? Why?"

There was a long pause before he responded. "I guess I knew you would find out about it at some point. Commanders Tucker and T'Pol."

"How did you get their DNA?" she asked softly, knowing the answer but not wanting to believe it.

"You gave it to them."

Hoshi shook her head. "No. No, I gave the mission report files. That's it."

Even let out a deep breath. "That's not what Masaro gave to you."

"Then you knew?"

"Of course not," he said defensively. "I didn't lie to you, Hoshi. I thought you were getting mission reports. I didn't find out about this until later."

"Oh," she said sarcastically, "so Masaro just decided that he should send the DNA instead. That doesn't make any sense at all."

"No, he was told what to do, whose DNA to take. I wasn't his handler, though. We never made contact."

"Who was?"

Evan shook his head, "It doesn't matter. It's done."

"Evan…"

He fidgeted with a pencil lying on his desk. "It was Susan."

Hoshi closed her eyes and asked the final dreaded question. "What are they doing with the DNA?"

"Hoshi…"

"Tell me." She demanded, anger now pumping through her freely.

"They're attempting to clone a Vulcan/ Human hybrid," Evan said quickly

Even though they were talking Hoshi didn't feel like the situation was becoming any clearer, "Why, what message does that send?"

"That aliens are incompatible with Humans."

"How?" Hoshi asked incredulously. "That just proves the opposite."

"No, they're trying to integrate a defect that will prohibit the child from living past six month.

They're manipulating the results to fit their needs."

Hohsi stared blankly at him, "They're going to kill a baby?" her face crumpled and silent tears streamed out of her eyes. "What have I done," she whispered into her hand.

Evan leaned towards the screen. "No, Hoshi. This wasn't your fault. We were lied to."

Hoshi shook her head vigorously. "No, I should have never become involved." Her trembling hand covered her mouth. "Oh god… How… What can we do…? I mean… To stop them… T-to stop what they're doing. There has to be something."

"No. There's nothing we CAN do. They have the DNA. That's it."

"We can't just let this happen," she barked.

"So far, they haven't been successful," Evan said soothingly. "They're a far way away from making this work."

"I have to tell them…Trip and T'Pol."

"No, Hoshi, you can't. If they find out, Terra Prime will shut the project down. Your friends won't find anything. And then Paxton will just start it up again whenever things calm down."

"Paxton?"

"He's…"

"Never mind. What am I supposed to do?"

"Stay on the ship." He said slowly, "Hoshi, it's where you can do the most; it's where you have the most resources. Like I said, nothing's happened yet. I can't condone some of the things I've seen Terra Prime doing, but I haven't resigned yet either. I've been talking to some people, I think I'm going to stay close… try to help take them down. They need to be stopped before they do real damage. I can tell you what's going on, give you opportunities to sabotage them."

"I'm not even close to Earth. What could I possibly do?"

"They don't operate out of Earth."

Hoshi closed her eyes tight and laid her head down on the desk in front of her, wishing this would all just go away.

"Hoshi, I'll tell you if anything happens."

She didn't say anything.

"Don't worry, everything will be all right."

Hoshi turned off the comm. system and just stared at the blank screen in front of her.

When had everything gone so wrong?

=/\=

**TBC**


	12. Chapter 12

Title: Mistakes

Author: Auroraborealis

Rating: This chapter is PG I'm not positive what the other chapters are going to be like.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the star trek characters or anything.

Summary: AU. What if Hoshi had a hand in what happened with Terra Prime? How would it affect her and her relationships with people on the ship?

Spoilers: Terra Prime, Observer Effect

A/N- As always, thank you to my beta, **Dinah.** Also, thank you so much to **Panyasan **who put a time and effort into helping me with the Japanese parts of the story. I didn't put the translations anywhere because I like the effect not knowing has. It gives more of an insight into Trip's POV. If anyone wants them though, I'll post the translations in the comments. Also, much of this chapter is direct dialog from Observer Effect. I obviously don't take credit for that episode, it was just important to this chapter to use it word for word. I hope you enjoy the chapter.

**Chapter 12**

=/\=

**November 3****, 2154 (BTP)**

Hoshi sat in the co-pilot chair, completely exhausted, but a different kind of exhaustion then the one she had become so accustomed to. This exhaustion wasn't the result of pain and lack of sleep. This was from using her muscles and trekking through territory. Hoshi smiled slightly; she didn't mind the feeling. It was comforting somehow. Really, since she had gotten down to the planet she had felt better than she had in weeks. Hoshi couldn't imagine why. It looked like it was nothing more than an old waste dump, not that Hoshi was complaining. She brushed off her sleeves and pulled a piece of bark… or something, out of her hair. Despite how agreeable the little adventure had been, Hoshi was definitely ready for a shower.

"I can't wait to get back," she said.

Trip smiled. "Two days ago, you couldn't wait to get off the ship."

She hadn't known it had been that obvious. After what Evan had told her, the ship had seemed very claustrophobic. She had jumped at the opportunity to leave, but was less excited when she had found out who her partner would be. She had been afraid that somehow he would know, or maybe even find out. But after the first couple of hours, Hoshi saw that it was ridiculous to think that. Maybe Evan was right. Maybe this would all just go away on its own. Like he said, Terra Prime hadn't even figured out how to do what they were planning yet. Maybe everything would be okay.

"Sifting through a Klingon garbage dump? Not my idea of exploring strange new worlds."

"Getting tired of exploration, Ensign? All the planets starting to look alike?"

"Not a chance, sir." Not in a million years. After everything that had happened, it had become clear to Hoshi that this was what she wanted to do.

Trip smiled at the remark, and Hoshi was sure that he felt about the same way. "I didn't think so." Trip coughed harshly into his hand. "I feel like I'm still breathing dirt," he remarked off-handedly while he pushed the button on the comm. system. "Shuttlepod One to _Enterprise_."

Archer answered back over the comm. Hoshi could hear a smile in his voice. "Welcome back. How did your treasure hunt turn out?"

"Well, nothing worth bringing home. The Klingons must've been here years ago. All they left was an old power cell and a bunch of empty ration packs."

"And a latrine," Hoshi added.

"Yeah. A long, hot shower is looking pretty good," Trip said, mirroring Hoshi's previous thoughts. "Shuttlepod One out."

As soon as the communiqué was cut off, Trip started coughing violently, immediately causing a knot of worry to form in Hoshi's stomach. "Trip? What's wrong?"

"Take over," he commanded, still coughing as he got out of the pilot's seat. Hoshi promptly took his place, then looked back at Trip, unsure what to do. "Gotta dock," he prompted her, gasping as he forced air into his lunges between the intense bouts of coughing. He got almost to the back of the shuttlepod, when he collapsed. Although Hoshi was glad he was no longer coughing, she couldn't say she was any more comfortable with him wheezing weakly on the floor.

"Shuttlepod One to _Enterprise_." Hoshi could hear a tremble in her voice. "I have a medical emergency. Commander Tucker's collapsed."

"Can you bring the shuttlepod in?" the Captain asked calmly.

"Yes, sir," Hoshi replied, not completely confident in her answer, "at least in simulations."

"Slow and steady, Ensign," he assured her. "I'll see you in Decon."

Hoshi nodded her head even though she knew no one could see her. "Understood."

=/\=

**Present - On **_**E**__**nterprise**_** March 28, 2155 (ATP)**

Malcolm was a naturally light sleeper, so when he woke up to Hoshi shrieking, he was completely aware as soon as he opened his eyes.

He flipped on the bed lamp and glanced quickly around the room, looking for what had terrified her so thoroughly. It was then that he realized she was asleep.

He took her by the shoulders, trying gently to wake her. "Hoshi…" he called.

"No… no, no. Please let me go," she cried, while writhing away from her imaginary captors.

He shook her gently. "Hoshi, it's all right."

That seemed to wake her up. Hoshi shot straight up as she opened her eyes, her hands grasping frantically at the two little scars on either side of her head. She was still crying. "There in my head…" she cried frantically. "I can't…Ican'tIcan't…" she babbled on.

Malcolm grabbed her wrists. "Hoshi," he shouted, "you're on _Enterprise_." She stopped struggling and seemed to finally get her bearings. "You're all right," he said gently as he pulled her to his chest and stroked her back soothingly. "It's all right," he repeated. Hoshi stayed wrapped in his embrace until her breathing was back to normal.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, wiping at her eyes. "I'm sorry I woke you."

"Don't be." He ran his hands over her hair, smoothing it down the sides of her face. He was surprised by how wet it was. Sweat. He took her hand in his. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Hoshi thought about it for a moment, then shook her head. "No," she said softly.

Malcolm nodded. "All right."

Hoshi let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you." Hoshi leaned forward and kissed him. "I feel safe with you." She kissed him again.

Malcolm smiled. "Try to go back to sleep." She lay down again and Malcolm wrapped his arms around her, holding her against his chest. "I'll be here."

He felt Hoshi nod her head against him. After a while her breathing slowed, and only when he was sure she was asleep did he let his own heavy eyes fall closed.

=/\=

**November 3****, 2154 (BTP)**

As soon as they had landed, Hoshi was at Trip's side. He was still breathing, but it was a wheeze more than anything else. Luckily, it was only moments before he woke up. Hoshi, eager to get him to the watchful eye of Dr. Phlox, put his arm over her shoulder and hoisted him up.

"Hoshi, I'm fine," he protested weakly. Hoshi didn't say anything; instead she led him to Decon and sat him down on one of the benches.

Captain Archer was already there on the other side of the glass. "Trip, how are you feeling?" he asked, concern evident in his voice.

"Like I've been gut-punched by a Tellarite," Trip responded, his voice still weak but strong enough to convey a hint of humor.

"Doctor, should we start with the bio-gel?" Hoshi asked hurriedly.

Phlox shook his head. "Not until we know what we're dealing with. Three other landing parties returned from the surface with no ill effects."

"We need to check out the shuttlepod, too. See if any of its environmental systems were at fault," the Captain added

"I can do that, Captain," Trip said, but before he could get up, Hoshi gently pushed him back down onto the seat. "I should've thought of that myself."

"Stay where you are, Trip. Phlox needs blood samples."

"Here are the medkits," Phlox said as he pushed the small cases through the chamber wall. Hoshi got up to get them; however, before she reached the wall, she coughed hard into her hand. A surge of fear welled up inside her. Whatever was affecting Trip was affecting her too.

The Captain seemed to sense her discomfort. "Hoshi, what is it?"

"Before Commander Tucker passed out, he started coughing."

"Are you feeling any other symptoms?" Phlox asked gently.

Before Hoshi could respond, her stomach clenched painfully. She darted to the waste facilities, barely making it in time.

"I'm going to guess that's a yes," Trip said flatly, obviously not looking forward to what was inevitably to come.

"I'll prepare anti-nausea medication. You get me those blood samples as soon as you can," Phlox said gently.

As soon as he had left, Trip was next to Hoshi. "You okay?"

Hoshi nodded her head. "Yeah, it's okay. I think it was a onetime thing."

Trip helped her up and they went back to the main decon room. "Ugh, this sucks," she said, "All I wanted was a shower."

Trip laughed. "Yeah, somehow I don't see that happening in the near future."

Hoshi was about to say something else when she saw T'Pol at the observation window. She pointed in her direction and Trip turned around. Hoshi noticed that T'Pol had a strange look on her face. It wasn't something she could place.

"I've come to see how your condition is progressing."

Trip's entire demeanor changed almost instantly, his shoulders straightened and he cleared his throat. "We're okay, T'Pol," he said gently, like he was trying to convince her. He took a step towards the window and Hoshi noticed that both of them seemed to be talking directly to one another, like there was no one else in the room. "Don't worry so much."

"Vulcan's do not worry," T'Pol replied quickly. "I was simply concerned, I'll stay advised of your condition as I'm helping Phlox with research. If you or Ensign Sato requires anything, don't hesitate to ask."

Trip smiled. "I'm sure you and Phlox will have us out of here in no time." T'Pol nodded, she seemed like she was about to say something else but turned around and left. As soon as she was gone, Trip sat down heavily on the bench beside him.

"Are you all right?" Hoshi asked.

"Yeah." Trip nodded. "I just hope Phlox hurries up with that anti-nausea medicine." Hoshi nodded in agreement then fixed her gaze on the floor.

This wasn't good.

=/\=

**Present - On **_**E**__**nterprise**_** March 29, 2155 (ATP)**

"Malcolm, can you hand me that?" Trip asked, pointing to the scanner. When he didn't get an answer, he turned around. Malcolm hadn't seemed to hear him and was still picking through the wires of the power coupling, looking for whatever was causing the short in the phase cannons. "Malcolm…" He still didn't get a response. He tapped his friend's shoulder. "Mal..."

That got his attention. "I'm sorry, Commander. What was it?"

Trip gave him a weird look. "Can you hand me that?"

Malcolm nodded his head and gave the scanner to Trip. Trip finished what he was doing then turned back to Malcolm. "Hey, are you all right?" Trip asked.

"I'm fine."

Trip had learned a long time ago that if Malcolm didn't want to talk about something, then they weren't going to have a conversation about it. Trip decided to just let it go when Malcolm seemed to change his mind. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

Trip grinned. "I've never been all that modest. Shoot."

"When we were in the Expanse, you frequently had… unpleasant dreams…" Trip's smile faded, but he nodded his head. "How did you deal with them?"

Trip shrugged his shoulders. "I don't really know. For a while I was getting Phlox's help, you know. But obviously that wasn't a permanent solution. Then T'Pol offered to help me out. At first, I really objected to the idea, but it really helped a lot to have someone to talk to, even though sometimes I didn't want to."

"But eventually they went away?"

"Yeah… well for the most part. I still have them every once in a while, but they're not as bad. Unless something stirs something up, you know?"

Malcolm nodded his head thoughtfully.

Trip's brow furrowed together. "Are you sure you're all right? Are you having dreams?"

"No, I don't dream anymore." Malcolm went back at looking though wires.

"Ever?" Trip asked in disbelief.

Malcolm paused. "Never."

"That's weird."

"I think it's rather peaceful."

"Did you dream when you were little?"

"Of course," Malcolm laughed, "Who doesn't?"

"So one day you just stopped dreaming?"

"Something like that."

"How long ago?"

Malcolm shrugged his shoulders, "Sometime before I was assigned to _Enterprise_."

"Huh."

Malcolm found the problem wire and yanked it. He looked at the clock. "I'm going to get another one of these," he said, holding up the damaged wire.

Trip nodded his head. "Well, I'm done with this, so I'll see you later, all right?" Malcolm nodded his head and left.

Trip wiped off his hands and gathered up his tools. Even though Malcolm's lack of dreams was weird, Trip wasn't really surprised. Malcolm had some things about him that were just a little strange. Trip shook his head; it seemed like kind of a loss though. Trip was sure that if Malcolm did dream, they would be very interesting.

=/\=

**November 3****, 2154 (BTP)**

When Hoshi woke up Trip was still sitting on the bench next to her. However, he didn't look half as good as he had when she had gone to sleep. His face was much paler than it was an hour ago and looked slick with sweat. Hoshi reached up to touch her own face and found that it was damp as well. She wasn't surprised; she could feel the fever in her bones. It made just sitting uncomfortable, and she was freezing cold and burning up at the same time. She pulled the blanket more tightly around herself.

"Do we know anything else?" she asked, surprised by how soft her voice sounded.

Trip seemed startled, apparently unaware that she had woken up. "Yeah, but Phlox and T'Pol are working on it so it's nothing to worry about," he said a bit too cheerfully.

"Okay, but what do we know?"

Trip looked like he was debating whether or not he should tell her.

"Trip…"

"It's silicon based."

Hoshi felt her gut twist up again, but quickly realized it had nothing to do with whatever they had. "Oh."

Neither of them said anything for some time. But then Trip spoke up, eager to change the subject. "How many languages can you speak?"

Hoshi, immediately realized the point of the random question, but she had also figured out a long time ago that Trip was most comfortable when he felt that he could help people through a problem. Something Hoshi was sure he valued far beyond his skill with the most advanced engines from earth was his crew's morale. Not one of the people in his department was unhappy with their job, and Hoshi was sure that it was due in no small part to Trip's ability to make people happy. It made him happy to make people happy, so Hoshi went along. "That's not how it works. There are a lot of common patterns. I'm just good at hearing them, that's all."

"Good? You're a genius. The way you can pick up an alien language you've never heard before and start spouting it back to them. I got to tell you, I've always been jealous you can do that."

Hoshi blushed slightly. "I wish I could fix warp engines with duct tape and a pocket knife."

"It's a bit more complicated than that…sometimes."

Hoshi laughed. "Seriously, engineering…building things, have you always been good at that?"

"When I was a kid, not so good at building. But I was a terror when it came to taking things apart. My folks used to put all our kitchen appliances on the highest shelves." Hoshi could see he was far away by this point and she smiled. "One Thanksgiving, I have no idea what I was thinking, but I removed every screw from this big dining room table we had. It was so old, the wood sort of stuck together, so it stayed standing until my dad put the turkey down. I spent the next month in my room."

"How old were you?"

Trip grinned. "Oh, twenty-four, twenty-five."

Hoshi was about to say something back when she noticed Phlox and T'Pol looking at them through the observation glass.

Trip turned around to see what she was looking at. "How long have they been there?"

"We didn't see you there," Hoshi said awkwardly.

"We didn't want to interrupt you," Phlox said lightly.

"How's the research coming?" Trip asked, unsure of what they wanted.

"We're waiting on new test results," T'Pol answered hurriedly.

"We thought we'd see how you two were progressing."

Hoshi gave Phlox a strange look. 'Progressing' didn't seem like the best way of describing what was happening. Trip seemed a bit irritated by their attitudes, too.

"You're the ones with the medical scanners."

"We were more interested in discussing your state of mind," Phlox said mildly.

Trip's face now mirrored Hoshi's look of confusion. "Look, if you really want to know how we feel, we'd be a lot better knowing you two were back in Sickbay working on the cure for this."

"Of course," T'Pol replied. "We're going there now."

Phlox seemed to agree. "Commander," he said, nodding in goodbye," Ensign."

The two of them walked off, leaving Hoshi with an uneasy feeling. "They both came to see us.

Maybe that means they're almost finished," she said, trying to flip the feeling into a positive.

"Yeah, unless there's nothing more they can do." As soon as the words left his mouth, Trip clamped his lips shut tight. "I'm sorry I didn't mean that."

Hoshi shook her head. "No, it's okay. They did seem kind of weird though, didn't they?"

"Yeah, it was almost like we were specimens in an…"

"…experiment," Hoshi finished with him, nodding her head in agreement.

"Exactly. To tell you the truth, it was kind of pissing me off."

Hoshi laughed. "Well you know, they're both scientists. Maybe it's best if they look at this whole thing from a scientific point of view. Whatever helps them figure it out faster, you know?"

"Yeah, you're right." Trip moved his neck from side to side.

"Is your neck stiff," Hoshi asked.

Trip just nodded.

"Yeah, mine too. I think I'm going to take another dose of the meds Phlox left for us."

Trip nodded again.

The thing that was most clear about their situation so far was that Hoshi hadn't felt any of her normal symptoms. No headaches at all. It was kind of hard to tell because every other part of her body ached, but it was different than the way she usually felt. Maybe there had been something on the planet that had caused this; she would have to tell Phlox when she got out of here, _if _she got out of here.

She shook away the thought, went over to where they had left the hypos and picked up two cartridges. She loaded it and pressed it against Trip's neck then refilled it and did the same for herself.

"You're good at that," Trip commented.

"Practice…"

"What's that mean?"

Hoshi shook her head. "Nothing. We should probably try to sleep some more."

Trip nodded his head but didn't really move. Hoshi lay back on the bench and fell asleep almost as soon as she was down.

=/\=

**Present - On **_**E**__**nterprise**_** March 31, 2155 (ATP)**

Trip pressed the points in T'Pol's back just below her ribs. Their neuropressure sessions were one of Trip's favorite ways to spend time with T'Pol. No matter how stressful either one of their days had been, they both ended up being completely relaxed by the end of it. Trip moved down to the next point. He loved the way her warm body felt against his relatively cool one. When he was finished, they switched spots so that she could start on him. Before she could start though, Trip rolled over, facing her.

"What is it?" she asked gently.

Trip took her hand. "I need you to tell me."

Trip could see the muscles in her body stiffen. "I don't understand."

Trip smiled knowingly and stroked her hand. "Whatever you haven't been telling me ever since you got back."

T'Pol looked away.

"Please, T'Pol, I don't want secrets between us."

T'Pol got up and sat on the edge of the bed. "I have to go back to Vulcan in four months."

Trip's eyebrows pinched together. "Well, why didn't you just tell me that?"

"I will be gone for six months."

It immediately felt like Trip had been punched in the gut. "Six months?" He got up and joined T'Pol on the edge of the bed. "God, T'Pol…why?"

"Please do not be angry with me. It is out of my control."

"I'm not angry. I just…I guess I don't understand."

T'Pol turned back around to face him. "I still have an obligation to fulfill on Vulcan. Every seven years all operatives are recalled to Vulcan for training."

"Operatives?" Trip asked, then his eyes went wide. "You're still part of the Security Directorate?"

T'Pol didn't say anything, which sufficiently answered Trip's question.

"Why?" he demanded. His eyes narrowed as his thought spiraled out of control. "Have you been reporting to them this entire time?"

T'Pol grabbed his hand, seeing where this was taking him. "No. No, I am loyal to this ship; no one else."

Trip's voice softened. "Then why?"

"I'm not permitted to leave. Once I was commissioned, I made a promise that I would not leave until a determined time. If I do, I will be tried for treason. I have no choice in the matter. You must understand."

Trip nodded his head and reached out to her as he reclined back against the bed. "Come lay down." T'Pol hesitantly lay next to Trip. "If this is going to work out, we can't keep things from each other. We'll get through this. Just like everything else."

"I was going to tell you. I just wasn't sure when would be the right time."

Trip took her by the chin. "T'Pol, there isn't anything you could say that could make me stop loving you," he assured her gently, addressing her unspoken fear. They both lay quietly in each other's arms, Trip gently rubbing her back.

"I do not want to leave you, ashel'veh," T'Pol said quietly.

"I don't want you to go," Trip sighed. "We'll figure something out, T'Pol. Don't worry."

=/\=

**November 3****, 2154 (BTP)**

When Hoshi woke up, she felt like she was moving around in water. Not only that, she wasn't completely sure where she was, but Trip was here.

Poor Trip, did he know what she had done to him? What if he did? Trip had always been like a brother to her. When she had first come aboard, he had introduced her to everyone, tried to make her feel welcome, comfortable. He had always done what he could to protect her and look out for her. He was one of the first true friends she had made on board the ship and the first one who had made her feel like family. What kind of person was she that she would hurt him like this? Who would do something like this to someone who had given them so much?

Hoshi suddenly couldn't bear to be in the same room as him. "Tengo que irme. Lo siento mucho por lo que he hecho." Hoshi started pushing buttons on the lockout console, mentally going through the patterns in her head.

"Hoshi, we're in quarantine for a reason."

"Itsumo ani arisoo arumnoni, arigirute shimaimashita."

"I have no idea what you're saying, but you can't break the lockout code."

"Math is just another language."

The red light on the console went green and the klaxon sounded around her.

She knew what she would do. She would end this so that he didn't have to. So by the time he understood, she would be gone. She would save him the pain of having to do it himself. This was what she had to do.

Trip followed after her as she went down the corridor. "Hoshi come back."

"Chansu ga aru, oshinai nakeraba arimasen."

Trip looked at her in confusion.

"Que te di y el ADN T'Pol a una organización terrorista. Van a matar a un bebé." Trip didn't respond at all. His confused expression remained the same. How could he not understand? She had told him everything. Where was the anger, the outrage at being betrayed? Where was the hate?

She went to the last door in the corridor and started working on the lock-out code.

"Hoshi, you have to stop. That's an airlock. You open those doors, we die."

"Kaete kudasai," She shouted in warning, urging him to leave her.

Trip took her by the shoulders. "Hoshi, come on." Hoshi fought against his grip, but was too weak to push him off her. She didn't understand why he was still protecting her. She didn't deserve this.

Hoshi burst into tears. "I need to tell them while there's still time."

"The Captain won't let us down," he soothed still seemingly oblivious to what she had just told him. He guided her back to the Decon chamber and she sat down heavily on the bench, still crying.

"Trip to whoever's out there. We're back."

"I'm so sorry," Hoshi sobbed.

Trip sat down next to her and pulled her to his chest like he had done with Elizabeth when she was upset. "It's okay, Hoshi," he soothed. "Everything's all right." She murmured apologies and he assurances until Trip saw another hypo being slid through to the Decon chamber.

"Commander, I want you to set your hypospray for three units of sonambutril," Phlox requested through the comm. system.

"That could drop a horse," Trip protested.

"We can't risk Hoshi wandering off again," the Captain chimed in, "especially since it seems she can override every security safeguard on _Enterprise_."

"Yeah, she's full of surprises today," Trip mumbled. He set the hypospray and injected an already very drowsy Hoshi with it. The reaction was instantaneous. She slumped on the bed and Trip gently covered her with a blanket. "Sweet dreams, Houdini. Anything else?" he added tiredly.

"It's your turn, Trip"

"Come on, Captain." The only thing Trip hated more than deserts was being sedated.

"Commander, the virus is incompatible with carbon-based life. It's attacking your bodies in ways I can't predict," Phlox explained.

"You think I'm going to wander off, too?" Trip protested. "Start opening the wrong doors?"

"Not if you're sedated."

"Sorry, Trip," Archer agreed.

Reluctantly Trip held the hypo to his neck. He paused just before injecting himself.

"Commander?" Phlox asked, assuming the man was in need of further convincing.

"I'm just wondering if either one of us will ever wake up again." He injected himself with the hypo and almost immediately felt the effects.

"You should lie down right away," Phlox advised.

The room began to tilt. "I won't argue with that." He sat heavily on the empty bench and plopped onto his side. He couldn't think of a time in his life he had been out quicker.

=/\=

**November 4****, 2154 (BTP)**

The first thing Hoshi felt when she woke up was a stab of panic. The only thing that kept her from jumping out of bed was a strong hand on her shoulder.

"Hoshi calm down. You're all right." She turned to face the voice that had been addressing her.

"Malcolm, what are you doing here? You'll get contaminated," she said hurriedly.

Malcolm just shook his head. "No, you're fine. Everything's all right now."

Hoshi took a deep breath and settled back onto the bed. "Oh." Malcolm sat silently next to her. "Why are you here?" she asked suddenly.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay." Malcolm smiled. "Of course I can leave if you prefer."

Hoshi grabbed his hand. "No, stay…please."

Malcolm resettled in his chair. "All right, but only for a bit. I'm afraid Phlox will make my life rather unpleasant if I keep you from sleep for long."

Hoshi smiled tiredly. "Okay."

"You know, I never knew you were such a lock pick. That could have been a rather handy skill on a number of missions."

Hoshi looked at him in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Malcolm laughed lightly. "You don't remember? You overrode three different lockout mechanisms."

Hoshi's eye's shot open. "What?"

Malcolm just nodded his head. "Oh. So not even you knew about your hidden talent?"

Hoshi paused for a moment. "Well obviously I never thought about it, but I suppose if I really wanted to it wouldn't be that hard."

"And obviously that's a problem. Although I highly doubt there's anyone in the quadrant that's as completely brilliant as you, I would appreciate it if you were to help me recalibrate them, just in case." Hoshi smiled and nodded her head. "Of course, not until you're fully recovered," Malcolm added.

Hoshi smiled again, something she couldn't seem to stop doing around Malcolm. "I'm fine, Malcolm, don't worry so much."

Malcolm lowered his voice and his face became serious. "And your headaches?"

Hoshi smiled brightly, eager to tell someone the good news. "I don't think I've had one for four days."

Malcolm squeezed her hand. "That's wonderful, Hoshi; perhaps the infection did something to counteract your condition."

Hoshi smiled again, then yawned widely. "Geez, it seems like I've been sleeping for days. Why am I still tired?"

Malcolm pulled his hand from her grasp. "Well, Phlox's constant staring is making me a bit uneasy. I suppose I should leave you to get some rest now." Hoshi nodded her head in agreement. "I'll come back before dinner," Malcolm assured her.

Hoshi loved the sound of his voice, she thought as she heard him walk away.

As far as almost dying went, Hoshi had to admit this time hadn't been that bad. She assumed the majority of that feeling was rooted in the fact that she could remember almost nothing about the ordeal, but the lack of headaches was also a giant plus.

The bed she was lying on was really comfortable, or maybe she was just really tired. Whatever the case, sleep came easily and before she knew it Hoshi had drifted off.

=/\=

**TBC**


	13. Chapter 13

Title: Mistakes

Author: Auroraborealis

Rating: This chapter is PG I'm not positive what the other chapters are going to be like.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the star trek characters or anything.

Summary: AU. What if Hoshi had a hand in what happened with Terra Prime? How would it affect her and her relationships with people on the ship?

Spoilers: Terra Prime, Marauders

A/N- Thank you to my beta, Dinah. Also, I know it's been a while between these last chapters and if you're still reading I really appreciate it. I've condensed the next five chapters into three longish chapters, so sorry about the length. This just seemed like the best way to avoid the story dragging along. So, sorry about how long it took, and I hope you enjoy the story.

**Chapter 13**

=/\=

**December 5, 2154 (BTP)**

Hoshi had forgotten how much she loved—being. Ever since the headaches had stopped, she had a whole new appreciation for the mundane aspects of her life. For instance, having the lights on. Hoshi gazed around her room; she couldn't remember the last time it had looked this warm and inviting. Until lately, it had been serving as both a prison and a sanctuary.

Food had a whole new meaning too. Rather than eating only the blandest foods she could find, Hoshi had started eating some of her favorite foods again. Just last night chef had ended up making one of her favorites, Miso soup, and to top it off, she had had a piece of chocolate crème pie. Hoshi smiled at the thought. As far as food went, that had been the thing she had missed most, chocolate.

Finally, the thing she noticed the most was that work was no longer a chore. She enjoyed it again and felt she had nothing to hide. She didn't have to worry every day that she would pass out on the bridge or make some terrible mistake because she couldn't focus. That was one thing that had become very clear to her recently. She had been delusional to think that her condition hadn't been affecting her work. Yes, she had reported to her station on time every day she had been scheduled, but showing up promptly was the most impressive thing she had done in months. After looking back on some of her reports and notes, Hoshi could tell that she had fumbled with languages that shouldn't have been any problem at all. This obviously hadn't been as noticeable to anyone else, but mostly that was because they thought she was a genius when it came to languages. If she said it was hard, then it was a difficult language. End of story. They had noticed other things, though. Her mood primarily.

After her shift today, she had been riding down to the mess hall with Travis. "I was starting to get worried about you," he had said. "You've seemed kind of distant lately." Hoshi had just smiled and assured him that everything was okay, and for the first time in a long time she meant it. So really after thinking everything through, Hoshi came to the conclusion that the only person she had been fooling had been herself, and Phlox apparently, but that was a different matter. Even though they hadn't known what it was exactly, people knew something was wrong. This point only seemed to confirm what she already knew: this ship, these people, they were her home and her family.

Hoshi glanced at the chronometer; it was 2227. She had an early shift tomorrow and she was tired. Hoshi went to her bathroom and turned on the sink, running the water until it was a nice warm temperature. She washed her face and brushed her teeth, then changed out of her clothes and put them in the hamper next to her shower. Donning her soft robe, she stepped out of the bathroom, flipping off the light as she left and was about to slip into bed when she noticed the light on her computer blinking, indicating that someone was calling her. Curious as to who would be trying to contact her at this hour, Hoshi pushed the receive button, letting the channel through. As soon as she saw who was calling her, the smile that had been permanently plastered on her face for the last couple days faded. "No."

=/\=

**Present – on Deuterium Miner's Planet ****April 19, 2155 (ATP)**

Archer always waited for the impact that came with setting a shuttle down, but when Travis was at the helm, it never came. Archer smiled; that kid was amazing. Travis powered down the engines and opened the shuttle door, revealing the familiar surroundings of the deuterium facility they had visited so many years ago. It looked much better than it had then, now that they had had a number of years of peace from the Klingons, but Archer could see recent damage. He assumed it was from this new group of Klingons that had decided to take advantage of these people.

Tessic was standing only a few yards away from the set down point. Archer immediately went over to greet him; Trip, Malcolm, and Travis followed behind him.

"Tessic." Archer extended his hand. "It's good to see you again."

He took it firmly and shook it. "I agree, my friend."

Tessic led them to a small compound which was much nicer than the ones that had been there the last time they had visited. "Please, sit down." Tessic motioned to a number of chairs sitting around a small table. Everyone sat down except for Tessic. "Before we start, would you like anything to eat or drink?"

Archer shook his head. "No, thank you."

"All right, then."

Travis handed the Captain, four PADDs, two of which Archer handed to Tessic. "Even though our ship is relatively large, we can't bring everything and everyone at once. So we're going to make two trips," Archer began. "So we need your people to disassemble all of the machinery. I have a group of engineers standing by to help you with whatever you need. The smaller pieces we can beam onto the ship, but anything too large to transport, we'll have to take up in the shuttle."

Trip intervened, "I gutted our other pod of any on the nonessential systems and modified it so that it can hold larger pieces of equipment. It should only take about three days to get everything up."

Archer went on: "We also have room for ten people to come with us on the first round. I suggest that you send the people who know the most about the machines. Once we get to the new location, there will be a group of Starfleet engineers waiting to help them reassemble the machines. Once we drop them off, we'll come back here and get everyone else, along with all of the portable structures."

Tessic nodded. "All of these buildings can be disassembled. They actually were never meant to be permanent."

"Okay, great. Once we get everyone to the new location, we'll stick around until you get all set up. Do you have any questions?"

"Yes, what about the people you're leaving here the first trip? What if the Klingons come back?"

Archer nodded to Malcolm to answer the question. "I've chosen a group of men to stay with the people we're leaving behind, along with a cache of weapons. It should be more than adequate to protect yourselves. But it's really beside the point since we should be back before the Klingons said they would return."

Tessic nodded, "All right. You helped us once. I trust you'll be able to do it again. My people are in your debt."

"No, they're not. This is an alliance, my friend," Archer assured him.

Tessic smiled. "Agreed. Let's get started."

=/\=

**Present – On **_**Enterprise**_**April 19, 2155 (ATP)**

It was late. Trip had spent the day helping the miners disassemble their machines, so he was tired, but he knew if he wouldn't be able to sleep until he had resolved some of the things floating around in his head. When he got to T'Pol's quarters, he paused briefly in front of the door, then changed his mind and walked into his own. It felt different being there since he had practically moved into T'Pol's quarters. The room had an unoccupied feeling to it: the bed was too tidy, and the closet was empty. But at the same time the emptiness gave him a good place to think. Ever since T'Pol had told him that she had to go back to Vulcan, they had pretty much avoided the topic. Despite this, it was all Trip could think about.

The two had become so close in the last months that it was hard to imagine going for such a long period without her. In fact, they hadn't been apart from each other for more than a couple of weeks in the past four years. Of course that was true of almost anyone who had been on the first mission.

But six months.

Trip sat down heavily in his desk chair and took off his boots. He knew she had been thinking about it too. He could feel it. He was still getting used to the bond, and he could feel it getting stronger all the time. But sometimes he would feel things and then realize they weren't his feelings at all. It could be a strange sensation but it was something Trip was getting used to, not to mention it was an insight into T'Pol that he thoroughly appreciated. Another thing was that he seemed to always subconsciously know where she was, for instance now; she was standing outside his door. Trip got up and opened it; he smiled when he saw her face.

"You wanna come in?" he asked.

T'Pol nodded her head and silently entered the room. "You were not in my quarters, and you seemed…unsettled about something. I thought it would be best to see if there was anything you wanted to talk about."

"I think you know what I want to talk about."

T'Pol nodded solemnly. "I am as reluctant to leave as you are to let me go. But there is little we can do about the situation. It would be best just to accept it."

"That's the thing though, T'Pol, I don't want to just accept it. I would do just about anything to keep you here with me. I love you T'Pol. There's got to be something we can do…" Trip felt a shadow of something pass across his mind. "What?"

"It was nothing."

"No, I felt something. Tell me."

T'Pol looked conflicted, as if she was arranging her thoughts, but finally she answered, "There is one way I could stay; however, it is not a decision to be taken lightly."

"It's like I said, T'Pol," he said determinedly. "I would do just about anything."

Trip felt anxiety for a brief moment and decided it was a feeling the two of them shared. "Even become my bonded life mate?"

Trip remained quiet for a moment. "That's the condition? We have to get married?" T'Pol nodded her head silently. "Why didn't you just tell me that in the first place?" T'Pol didn't say anything. Trip seemed to realize something. "Unless, you don't want to…"

"No, that's not it at all."

"Then why?"

"I did not want you to feel forced into a situation that you were not entirely comfortable with. In the beginning, you seemed unsure of our relationship. I was uncertain how intense those feelings still are."

Trip smiled and took T'Pol's hand. "T'Pol it should be clear to you by now that I'm not going anywhere. Even if there wasn't any way for you to stay, I'd still be here waiting for you six months from now." He abruptly let go of her hand and went over to his desk, opened one of the drawers and started rifling around. Seemingly unsatisfied with what he had found, he opened the next drawer and looked through it.

T'Pol watched him for a moment, trying to figure out what it was he was doing, and how it applied to what they were talking about, but quickly gave up. "Trip?"

"Mmhm."

"What are you looking for?"

Trip shot an excited smile at her then went on to the next drawer. "It's a piece of one of the first engines I ever fixed up at my first post. I was the third engineer to look at that engine and I fixed it in fifteen minutes. It was kind of a turning point in my career. People stopped looking at me as a kid from the boonies that happened to accidentally stumble into Starfleet. I've held on to it as kind of a good luck charm, I guess."

T'Pol was silently going through her head as to how this was relevant. Trip had a tendency to jump from topic to topic, but usually refrained from doing so when the subject was this serious. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you looking for this?"

Trip grabbed something from the bottom of the last drawer. "Found it," he exclaimed.

T'Pol watched silently as he put whatever it was in his pocket. Perhaps his perplexing behavior was some sort of nervous reaction to the topic of marriage, she thought, a bit disappointed.

Trip faced her again then abruptly dropped to one knee.

T'Pol's confusion was now evident on her face.

Trip shrugged. , "It's an earth custom." He took her hand in his and kissed it.

Suddenly, T'Pol understood what this was. She had read about it some time ago when she had been studying Earth cultures.

This was a Human marriage proposal.

=/\=

**Present – On **_**Enterprise**_**April 19, 2155 (ATP)**

Archer was sitting in his too-quiet quarters when the communicator beeped. The Captain moved Porthos off his lap, and answered the call.

"Sir?"

"Yes, Ensign."

"I'm sorry to bother you so late, but you said to tell you when Mr. Tessic set up the roster and inventory information, and we just got it. Do you want me to send it through to you, sir?"

"Yeah, go right ahead Mr. Hunt."

"All right, sir. Have a good night, sir."

Archer cut the communication and smiled. Noobies were so formal all the time. He shook his head. All it would take would be a couple of weeks for Ensign Hunt to get adjusted… or have lunch with Trip. Soon enough, he would fit in just fine.

Archer moved over to his desk and opened the information. All of the equipment would be a tight fit, but he was sure Trip would find a way to take it all at once. At that, his thoughts wandered to more personal things. Trip had seemed distracted lately. Archer had wanted to talk to him, but they had all been so busy lately. _That's no excuse_, he reminded himself. It seemed to him that he had never completely repaired the damage done to their relationship in the Expanse. But of course, _maybe we both have just changed._ Yes, they still had dinner together and talked. But it seemed more like they were clinging to a tradition of something that had been. There just wasn't that connection anymore. _It's your own fault. _ He had let the Expanse consume him. Archer sat silently for a few more moments than shook the thoughts from his head.

They had enough room for the group of engineers coming to stay – Hoshi had seen to that – so really all that was left to do was get everything and everyone on the ship.

Archer rubbed his eyes tiredly and looked at the chronometer; it was 2316. He flipped off the computer and turned off the light before he went to sleep in his too-quiet room.

=/\=

**Present – On **_**Enterprise**_**April 19, 2155 (ATP)**

Trip began, "It's been pretty clear to me for long time that we belong together. I honestly can't imagine my life without you in it. You're the person I trust above all other people, and I know that I'll love you for the rest of our lives." He stood up and took out the small, dark, thin, metal band he had put in his pocket only minutes before. "T'Pol, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" Trip felt something close to excitement rush through the bond.

"Of course," she said softly.

Trip slipped the band onto her finger, then smiled. "I can't believe it fits. I guess it really is lucky."

Trip kissed T'Pol briefly, then led her over to the bed where they both sat down. "Now we're going to have to tell Jon as soon as possible, and we'll need a Vulcan priest, of course that's assuming you want a Vulcan wedding."

T'Pol nodded her head. "Yes, but what do you want?"

Trip smiled broadly. "I wanna marry you. I'm not real concerned with the particulars."

"Then I will contact the family priest."

"All right, and of course," he said, taking her ring hand again, "I'm going to have to get you a proper ring."

T'Pol pulled her hand back protectively. "What is wrong with this one?"

"Well, it's not a ring, for one. It's an old compressor strip for an impulse drive. I just wouldn't feel right not giving you a nice ring."

T'Pol looked at her hand thoughtfully. "I believe I am partial to this ring."

Trip gave her a strange look. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, this had meaning to you, correct?" Trip nodded in agreement. "And it's a piece of something you love. I believe it represents you very nicely."

Trip laughed. "All right, if you like it."

"I do," she said finally, as she ran a hand through his hair. "Very much."

Trip felt where T'Pol was going and gently took her hands and held them in his. "There are still some things we need to talk about." T'Pol took her hands back and gently pushed Trip onto the bed. She pulled the zipper on his jumpsuit down from his throat to his waist and pulled his arms out of the sleeves. "We will discuss them later." She unzipped her own suit from the back, pushing it down to her waist. "It seems a great deal of time has opened up that was previously unavailable to us."

Trip was finding it difficult to disagree. So he didn't.

=/\=

**December 5, 2154 (BTP)**

Evan face looked back at her. He looked much harder than when they had first met. That seemed so long ago.

"I'm so sorry, Hoshi."

Hoshi's eye's filled with tears. "They've figured out how to do it?"

Evan just nodded his head.

"You said that you would contact me…" Hoshi said frantically, "Give me some way to help you sabotage them."

"Hoshi, I've been trying. For months I've been trying. It's more difficult than I originally thought it would be. Paxton arranges things so that no one knows what anyone else is doing. Only people at the top know how everything works, and so far I haven't had any luck getting close to any of them."

"Well, what do you know?" Hoshi demanded.

"I know that Susan is a lot higher up than I originally thought. She's definitely in Paxton's inner circle. And I know that they haven't perfected the cloning process, yet."

"What do you mean?"

"The first attempt died after a couple of days. Since then, though, they only got better. This one has been alive for almost two months."

Hoshi closed her eyes. "Evan, how many has there been?"

"You don't need to know that."

"Tell me."

Evan shook his head. "No."

Hoshi was silent.

"I need you to know that I'm really sorry about how everything turned out. I got you involved in something that just got completely out of control. I know that apologizing isn't going to change anything, but I do recognize that this is my fault."

"I should have known from the beginning."

"There was no way you could have."

"I knew what I was doing was illegal. It should have stopped there."

Evan knew what she was saying was right. He had done the same thing. He had done things, things he knew were wrong, because he had believed in the cause. "Listen, I won't be able to contact you again after this. I'm getting into something, and I'm going to have to be more careful."

Hoshi nodded her head.

"I'm working with… an organization. Hoshi, I guarantee you that if anyone can help me take down Terra Prime, it's these people."

"What about Trip and T'Pol?"

"You can't tell them without incriminating yourself."

"I don't care; maybe they can do something about it."

"Hoshi, we have an entire resistance movement working against Terra Prime. So far we haven't gotten very far, and we're all familiar with the organization. Starfleet has written off Terra Prime as a small group of zealots. They have no idea how far they reach. Even if you knew where they were and told Starfleet, they wouldn't be able to stop them. Terra Prime has people everywhere, and they're always one step ahead."

Hoshi ran her hands through her hair. "Then what am I supposed to do?"

"You have information; you'll recognize what's happening before everyone else. Guide them in the right direction. Take every opportunity you have to right our wrong." Evan looked behind him and nodded to someone off the screen. "I have to go." He looked like he was about to cut the transmission when he changed his mind. "Hoshi, don't let this destroy you. Everyone makes mistakes, and I knew the moment I met you that you're a good person. Maybe, I'll see you again when this is all over." Evan smiled sadly at Hoshi, and then turned off the screen.

Hoshi got up, staring at the screen. This was it. Everything she had hoped wouldn't happen was happening. Hoshi paced back and forth and breathed deeply, trying to get the sick feeling out of her stomach, trying not to cry, because if she did that it would make this real. Finally, she put on her running shoes and walked to the gym.

When she got there, it was empty. She glanced at the clock on the wall. It read 2338. She remembered that before Evan had called her, she had been getting ready to go to sleep. Somehow that seemed so long ago. She didn't even bother stretching before she got on the treadmill. She just cranked up the speed and ran.

"Do you always work out this late?" Malcolm called from across the room.

It was all Hoshi could do not to fall off the treadmill. She was thirty minutes into her run and wasn't focusing on much of anything else except for her breathing. She hadn't even heard him come in. Hoshi turned the treadmill down to a moderate jog.

"Do you?" she called back, irritated with the interruption to her workout, despite who it was.

"No, I don't. Tonight is an exception."

Hoshi kept on jogging.

"Hoshi, are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said curtly. "As a matter of fact, I'm done." She stepped off the treadmill. "It's all yours, if you want it." She grabbed the towel off the treadmill and wiped off her face while walking past him. Before she could leave, he grabbed her wrist. Hoshi almost yanked away but stopped herself. "What?"

Malcolm searched her eyes. "I need a sparring partner." Hoshi looked at him blankly. "And you seem like you need to blow off some steam."

Hoshi took a deep breath, then pushed it out through her lips. "Fine." Hoshi threw her towel back over the machine, then took a stance on the sparring mats.

Malcolm threw the first punch, which Hoshi nimbly blocked and landed a light jab to the ribs. Malcolm seemed slightly surprised by her speed, but didn't say anything. After that, Malcolm moved faster. For fifteen minutes they sparred, a flurry of movement back and forth. It looked more like a dance more than anything else. Everything one threw, the other blocked, neither one quite landing anything. The more this went on, the more frustrated Hoshi seemed and the more aggressive she became. Finally, she caught Malcolm's arm and pushed it away.

"Stop it," she demanded angrily.

Malcolm, breathing deeply, interlocked his fingers and rested them on top of his head. "Stop what?"

"You're pulling everything."

"What do you mean?"

Hoshi threw up her hands. "I mean we've been going at it for fifteen minutes and you haven't landed a single punch."

"All right, what do you want me to do?"

"I WANT YOU TO HIT ME," she shouted.

Malcolm let his hands drop, his brow creased into a look that was a mix between confusion and concern. "Hoshi, what…"

"Fine," Hoshi huffed. She grabbed the towel off the machine again and left. She half expected him to follow her out, but that wasn't how Malcolm operated. He, more so than most people, understood when someone just wanted to be left alone. This was definitely one of those moments.

Besides, it's not like she could tell him what was wrong. If she did, he would hate her. That single thought seemed to hit her right in the chest. Malcolm would hate her if he ever knew what she had done – not only him but probably everyone else on the ship. If anyone found out her secret, the family she had fought so hard to keep wouldn't want her anymore.

=/\=

**Present – On **_**Enterprise**_**April 22, 2155 (ATP)**

Three Crawlers.

Check.

Pump Motor A, B, and C.

Check, check, and check.

Niflown filter.

Trip looked around the cargo hold.

What the hell was a niflown filter?

That was the third thing in an hour he hadn't been able to identify. Yes, he had wanted to do the inventory himself, but he was starting to think it would be much easier if he had someone to consult about things like… limpound rods and niflown filters. Just as he was thinking of calling up one of the mining engineers, someone walked in the cargo hold. It was one of the passengers, a teenage boy. He couldn't have been more than 18, but it was worth a shot.

"Hey, you wouldn't happen to know what a niflown filter is, would you?"

The boy looked around him for a moment then went over to a pile of miscellaneous parts and held up something that looked like big blue pot with a round bottom.

"This is what you're looking for," he said, handing the piece to Trip.

Trip took it and turned it round in his hands. "What does it do?"

"It's a part of the separator; it's one of the filters the ore goes through to take out the impurities."

Trip nodded his head then turned to the kid. "You sure know a lot about this equipment."

"I should. I'm the head of maintenance."

Trip smiled. "You're kind of young, aren't you?"

"16, but I'm the best. I know these machines inside and out."

Trip stuck out his hand. "I'm Trip Tucker, Chief of Engineering."

The kid smiled back at him. "Are you saying you don't remember me?"

Trip looked confused for a moment, but then his face lit up with realization. "Q'ell?"

Q'ell nodded in the affirmative.

"Wow boy, you've gotten big. I really didn't recognize you."

Q'ell laughed. "I noticed."

"So you're coming back with us?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry, Trip, but I don't trust my machines to anyone," Q'ell said with a grin, "even the best engineer in Starfleet."

"Don't worry, I understand completely. And besides, someone is going to have to explain some of these systems to me." He handed the piece back to Q'ell. "Well, I'm starving. How about I take you down to the mess hall and you tell me everything I need to know about this equipment over lunch?"

"Sure, that sounds great. I don't suppose you have any Fug'e?"

"No… but I'm sure we can find you something you'll like." Trip walked towards the door, with Q'ell following behind him. "In fact, I think someone told me Chef has pecan pie today."

"What is pecan pie?"

"You'll like it. Trust me."

=/\=

**Present – On **_**Enterprise**_**April 19, 2155 (ATP)**

"I love you like this," Hoshi mumbled as she settled comfortably on Malcolm's chest. Making love with Malcolm was a completely different experience than with anyone else she had ever been with. It was like the more they touched, the closer they came to becoming one person. They were so in sync, so intuitive of each other's wants and needs. Hoshi honestly couldn't think of a more wholly satisfying experience.

"Naked?" Malcolm smirked. "You know I think nakedness suits you very nicely, as well. In fact, perhaps you should be naked more often."

Hoshi giggled. "Thank you, but that's not what I was talking about." Hoshi sat up on her elbow facing him. "I mean, I feel like I never see you as completely as when we're together like this."

Malcolm smiled softly, but didn't say anything.

"Even with me, you still put up those little barriers. But sometimes, there's that split second…when I see all of you…and I can't help but love you even more." Malcolm gently stroked her hair while she spoke. "But at the same time, it makes me wish I could see all of you all of the time."

"It's really nothing more than habit."

"I know, but still…"

"There's never been anyone else that I've trusted as fully as I do you. Aside, I suppose, from Maddie."

Hoshi blushed lightly and she couldn't help but feel a swell of pride rise up inside her. "Oh."

"Besides, I have to keep up the charade of being mysterious or you'll find out how completely dull I am."

Hoshi laughed again, this time more fully. "Yes, Malcolm Reed, you are a boring, boring man." She kissed him lightly on the lips.

They were both silent for a bit until Malcolm spoke up.

"Did I tell you I had dinner with Trip tonight?"

"No, but I'm glad you didn't have to eat alone. Sorry I canceled at the last minute."

"It's perfectly all right. You were working. But anyway, remember that little boy that thought Trip was a god last time we were here?"

Hoshi smiled. "Oh yeah, the little kid with the brown hair? Q'ell right?"

"Yes, him. Well apparently he is now the head of maintenance on the colony. And guess who's teaching Trip the ins and outs of these machines we're going to be setting up?"

Hoshi laughed. "That's funny. I bet the two of them get along perfectly."

"Yes, I thought there was a bit of irony to that." Malcolm smiled and went back to stroking Hoshi's hair. "He told me something else."

Hoshi took the hand stroking her and weaved her fingers through his, locking them together. "What?" she asked.

"You have to give me your word that it won't leave this bed."

"You know how I am with secrets," Hoshi teased.

"Hoshi…"

"All right, I promise. Won't leave the bed."

"Mr. Tucker and Commander T'Pol are engaged."

Hoshi was silent for a bit. "To be married?"

Malcolm laughed. "Well of course."

"Wow."

"It's bloody well time, don't you agree?"

"Definitely. The entire ship knew they were in love before they did." Hoshi laughed.

Malcolm pulled Hoshi over on top of himself. "How would you feel about telling the Captain about our relationship?" he asked.

Hoshi thought about it for a moment. "What about regulations?"

"Captain Archer has seemed to take a more liberal approach to that particular rule."

"Are you sure?" Hoshi asked. "I thought you wanted to keep this… discreet."

Malcolm nodded his head. "As long as you agree. I think it would be a good way to keep our relationship from interfering with our careers in the future, and vice versa."

Hoshi nodded her head then feigned surprise. "The future… so you think we have a future together?" she teased.

"Yes." Malcolm smiled. "I believe we do."

=/\=

**TBC**


	14. Chapter 14 Part I

Title: Mistakes

Author: Auroraborealis

Rating: This chapter is PG I'm not positive what the other chapters are going to be like.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the star trek characters or anything.

Summary: AU. What if Hoshi had a hand in what happened with Terra Prime? How would it affect her and her relationships with people on the ship?

Spoilers: Terra Prime, Marauders, Affliction, Divergence

A/N- I'm really sorry about the huge spaces between chapters. I'll be sincerely surprised if anyone follows this story to the end (which is coming up btw). Those of you who have thank you so much. :)

Thank you to my beta, Dinah. This chapter is really Malcolm heavy and I've cut it into two parts because it was so long. But it's important for the story and helps explain some things later. Also, you probably won't understand it very well unless you've seen Affliction and Divergence. I promise there will be more Trip and T'Pol in the next chapter. Until then, I hope you enjoy it anyway.

**Chapter 14- Part I**

=/\=

**December 18, 2154 (BTP)**

Hoshi pushed herself up off the pavement and looked around. Phlox was gone.

"Phlox…," she called frantically, "Doctor Phlox!" Hoshi crammed her hands into the pockets of her jacket, but they were empty. She scanned the ground until she saw her communicator lying a few feet from where she was. It must have fallen out of her pocket during the fight, Hoshi thought. Hoshi's hands trembled as she fumbled with the communicator. "Hoshi to Enterprise."

"Enterprise here."

"We were just attacked," Hoshi said quickly. "They took Phlox."

"What?"

Hoshi recognized the voice as Ensign Hall. He had only transferred to the ship two days ago. They had probably posted him on night duty because typically nothing happened around that time. It was obvious he didn't have a clue what he was supposed to do. Hoshi took a deep breath and slowed down. "Dr. Phlox and I were just attacked outside a restaurant," she explained. "I need you to notify Starfleet Security."

"Understood, standby," he responded quickly. The communicator went silent for a moment then the channel was reopened. "All right, Security's been notified. They should be there in a moment. Do you want me to keep this channel open until they get there?"

"No, I need you to patch me through to Lieutenant Reed."

The next thing Hoshi heard was Malcolm's voice. "Hoshi? What is it?"

"Someone just took Phlox. Are you in San Francisco?"

"Where are you?"

"Um…" Hoshi looked down the street for a sign. "The corner of Hester and Mangrove. Over by Madame Chang's."

"I'll be there in five minutes." The transmission cut off and Hoshi was left alone on the all-too-quiet street.

While she paced back and forth across the sidewalk, time seemed to slow to a crawl as Hoshi's mind went into overdrive. Who would have done this? Hoshi combed through her memory. Sure, there were some people somewhere who held a grudge against the doctor, but this had been professional. There had been three men. They'd known where Phlox was going to be and when he was going to be there. They wouldn't have been able to get that information unless they had been tracking him. Hoshi stopped in her tracks.

What if they had been tracking her? What if that's how they knew? What if Terra Prime took him? She sat down on the curb, her head resting in her hands. Oh my god, what if this was her fault? Hoshi clamped her hand over her mouth, fighting the frantic sob that was trying to get out. If they had no qualms about killing children, there was no knowing what they would do to Phlox. Tears seeped out of her eyes, making her face wet, and even for such a cool night, she felt hot. She took off her jacket, then got up again. Where were the SPs? Where was Malcolm? She had called him…she looked at her watch…seven minutes ago.

"Hoshi?" As if on cue with her thoughts, Hoshi turned around to see Malcolm behind her.

"I…I don't know what happened." She swiped away fresh tears with the palms of her hands and started pacing again. "We walked out of the restaurant… and then…" Hoshi anchored her fingers in her hair. "I don't know who took him," she cried.

Malcolm stepped towards her. "Come here," he coaxed, holding out an arm to her.

She shook her head. "What if it's my fault?" she demanded hysterically.

He pulled her against his chest. "Calm down now," he soothed, holding her tightly against himself. "Look at me," he said, holding her chin to face him. "It's not your fault. We'll find him. You just need to breath."

Malcolm held her for a while longer until she pushed herself away and wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry, Mal."

"Don't worry about it."

Hoshi sat back down on the curb and Malcolm joined her. They both sat quietly for a while until Hoshi huffed in frustration. "Shouldn't someone be here by now?" she asked no one in particular.

"That would be me."

Hoshi turned around to see who had been addressing her. It was a tall brunette woman; she showed Hoshi her badge and stuck out her hand. Hoshi got up and shook it.

"Commander Collins, Starfleet Security. Can you tell me what happened?"

Hoshi shook her head. "We were walking out of the restaurant… talking about… something. We got to there." Hoshi pointed to a spot not far from where she was standing. "And then three men came out of there." She pointed to some bushes. "At first, I didn't know what was going on. I thought maybe we were being mugged. But then one of them drew a gun…"

"Do you remember what any of them looked like?"

Hoshi shook her head. "It was dark and it happened so fast. They were wearing dark colors, but I didn't get a good look at them."

The woman nodded. "Is there anything else, anything that may help us identify the men who did this?"

Hoshi shook her head again then changed her mind. "Wait…one of them said something…"

"Hoshi!"

Hoshi turned towards what she recognized as the Captain's voice. She was glad he was here; she had always found something calming about his presence. He walked up to the group of them and put his hand on Hoshi's shoulder.

"I'm all right, sir."

He nodded than turned his attention to Collins. "Who did this?"

"That's what I'm trying to determine. Commander Collins, Starfleet Security."

This time it was the Captain who offered his hand. "Jonathan Archer."

Collins took it and shook it firmly then turned her attention back to Hoshi. "You told me before that one of them said something to the others."

"Right before I passed out. I'm pretty sure it wasn't English."

"Do you remember what he said?" Archer asked.

Hoshi frowned and shook her head, "I'm sorry, sir."

Someone, apparently another security person, handed Collins a PADD. "The only DNA we've recovered belongs to Ensign Sato and to your doctor. We did find some residual ionization traces here."

"A transporter signature?" Malcolm suggested. Hoshi had almost forgotten he was standing beside her, he had been so quiet.

The woman looked skeptical. "Very few people have access to that kind of technology,"

"Still, it's a likely explanation," Malcolm answered tightly.

Collins looked at him thoughtfully then turned back to the Captain. "Doctor Phlox was involved in an altercation the last time he was in San Francisco."

"You think this is related?" The Captain didn't seem to be convinced.

"Assaults against aliens are still pretty rare. If the man who attacked him was holding a grudge…"

"He was a loudmouth in a bar," Malcolm answered impatiently. "I doubt he could find his head with both hands, never mind organize a kidnapping."

"We're pursuing all avenues. Excuse me, Captain, Lieutenant."

Malcolm suddenly had little confidence in this woman's ability to handle the situation. She was young and appeared to be inexperienced. A bar fight was her main lead. Malcolm shook his head.

As soon as she was out of earshot, Archer turned his attention to Malcolm. "Check with Starfleet Operations. See if their satellites picked up any transporter activity this evening."

"My thoughts exactly, sir."

Archer nodded then turned back to Hoshi, who had become very quiet. "Don't worry, Hoshi," he said gently. "We'll find him."

Hoshi nodded her head silently.

"Lieutenant, I want you to escort Hoshi back to the ship. Have someone look at that." He pointed to the large bruise forming across Hoshi's face. "Make sure she's all right. There's a shuttle waiting in the parking lot of the restaurant."

Malcolm nodded and gently took Hoshi's arm. "Yes, sir."

"I'm going to stay down here for a while to help make sure we don't miss anything."

Malcolm barely contained a smirk at the diplomacy of the statement. Translation: The Captain was staying down here because he was sure, just as Malcolm was, that if it was left to Ms. Collins, they would never find Phlox.

No, Malcolm thought, he and his security team would handle this. They would find him.

=/\=

**Present – On **_**Enterprise**_**May 13, 2155 (ATP)**

They had unloaded the equipment and personnel on the planet without incident. That was three weeks ago, and they were finally back to the colony of miners. Really the most time consuming thing about this entire mission was the transport back and forth. Realistically it would only take about a month to get everything set up once they had everyone back on the planet. Trip made the final preparations to the shuttle. They had finally gotten the last of the shelters on the ship, all except for the one they were leaving, simply because it wasn't worth taking. All that was left to do was to get the rest of Tessic's people on board. For some reason, they had a real aversion to the transporter. Trip didn't really blame them, though. He hadn't liked it at first either. With only about 30 people left on the planet it wouldn't take more than six trips back and forth in the shuttle. They would be leaving this planet for good by dinner time.

Trip smiled to himself. _And I'll be one day closer to getting married_. Trip felt a warmness in the thought and knew that T'Pol had heard him. Trip finished up and hit the comm. panel on the wall. "Hey, Cap'n, I'm all finished here."

"Okay. Thanks, Trip."

Trip wiped off his hands, then turned around when he heard, or rather felt, T'Pol walk in the launch bay.

"I've contacted our priest. He's agreed to conduct the ceremony onboard the ship. He's even gone as far as agreeing to meet us at the planet to avoid the possibility of missing our opportunity."

"What do you mean?"

"If we were not getting married, I would have to report to Vulcan in one month. It will take at least three weeks to get back to the planet and from there it would take four days to get to Vulcan. We would be… 'cutting it close.'"

Trip smiled. "Good, well I'm glad that's taken care of. I was wondering, though, when are we going to tell everyone?" T'Pol had insisted on keeping their engagement discreet. She'd been wearing her ring around her neck on the chain of her IDIC. They had told the Captain and, of course, Trip had told Malcolm when he asked him to be his best man, or the Vulcan equivalent that he had yet been able to pronounce correctly, but both of them were under oaths of silence.

"Our relationship shouldn't be the focus of everyone's attention, especially not on such an important mission. We should inform the crew when the priest arrives."

Trip nodded. She was right, after all.

The only thing Trip regretted about the whole thing was that his parents wouldn't be there, but there just wasn't time and there was no one who would have been able to transport them. He knew his mom would give him hell when she found out, but Trip felt like under the circumstances she would understand. Worst case scenario, they could always hold a traditional ceremony later.

Trip picked up the tools he had been working with and put them in a storage locker.

"Have you eaten yet? I'm starving,"

T'Pol shook her head. "No, I haven't."

Trip smiled. "Have lunch with me?"

T'Pol nodded and followed him out of the launch bay. She was quiet as they walked to the mess hall and Trip could feel something bothering her.

"What's wrong, T'Pol?"

She was quiet for a few more steps, than explained, "I have been doing some research into human mating ceremonies."

"Alright…"

"There seems to be an overwhelmingly common phenomenon called 'cold feet.'"

Trip smiled but let her continue.

"Do you believe this is a possible outcome to our ceremony?"

"Absolutely not. Unless of course you think you're goin' to bail on me." Trip smiled at her as T'Pol let her fingers brush across his hand.

"No."

"Alright then, it's decided. Cold feet is not an issue. Now," Trip asked as they walked through the mess hall doors, "what do you want for lunch?"

=/\=

**December 18, 2154 (BTP)**

Malcolm sat down in front of his desk. He had stayed with Hoshi while Cutler had examined her. Physically, Hoshi was fine, but it was obvious to Malcolm that she felt guilty for what had happened. For what reason, Malcolm couldn't imagine. She couldn't have prevented what happened; they had been surprised and outnumbered. Malcolm shook his head. Right now he needed to concentrate on finding Phlox.

He turned on his computer and linked into Starfleet's network.

"Computer, access satellite log one three seven. Time parameters nineteen hundred to nineteen forty five today." It only took a moment to respond; the computer said that grid 137 was offline for maintenance. Malcolm rechecked the time and date. They were correct. This didn't make any sense. "What?" he mumbled aloud and opened a comm. channel. "Starfleet Operations, this is Lieutenant Malcolm Reed aboard Enterprise. Please acknowledge." Someone answered, but not who Malcolm expected, and defiantly not someone he had been looking forward to seeing anytime soon.

Harris.

"Burning the midnight oil, Lieutenant?"

It was all Malcolm could do to hide the irritation in his voice. "Sir? I thought I was calling Starfleet Ops," he commented nonchalantly, feigning confusion.

Harris saw through it – he always did – but he didn't let Malcolm's attitude concern him. "Let me guess. You want to know why the grid covering San Francisco was down for maintenance tonight."

"Something like that."

"Meet me at this address in one hour."

The transmission cut out, but a second later Malcolm received an untraceable message with an address: 1044 North Maple, San Francisco, California, USA, Earth. 94-1104-31415.

Malcolm stared grimly at the screen. Was this really something he wanted to do? He had fought so hard to get out. All it would take would be one mistake and Harris could easily pull him back in. On the other hand, Harris obviously knew something about Phlox… or wanted Malcolm to believe he knew something about Phlox. This could be his best and only hope of finding him.

Malcolm closed his eyes for a moment.

He got up and slipped on his shoes. Thankfully they were still officially on shore leave until Ms. Collins released the case file to them, so Malcolm could leave the ship freely. He put on his jacket and was about to leave when he hesitated. Malcolm went to his desk and opened the middle drawer. His hand groped around the back of the drawer until he found what he was looking for. He pulled out a folded knife, flipped open the blade, closed it, then put it in his coat pocket.

Better safe than sorry, Malcolm thought. You never knew with Harris.

=/\=

**Present – On **_**Enterprise**_**May 13, 2155 (ATP)**

The Captain cut the channel to Trip and looked over in Hoshi's direction. "Hoshi?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Trip's done with the shuttle pod. How do you feel about taking over down on the surface?"

Hoshi was taken aback by the request. The captain had never given Hoshi her own assignment. Of course this would hardly be an assignment, she would be overseeing the safe transport of the refugees, which translated to sitting around on the planet for a couple of hours, but still it was exciting. She asked just to be sure they were on the same page. "What do you mean?"

"I need someone to get everyone down on the planet organized. Travis is going to be shuttling everyone back and forth. Malcolm is busy with diagnostics, and Trip insists on doing the inventory himself."

So basically she was the only one available. Hoshi didn't mind though, she was getting to a point in her career where she should have been moving up in the ranks, Hoshi would take whatever she could get. "Are you sure, Captain?"

"You're good with people. You know their language and they appreciate that. It'll be easy. Just get them into groups and keep them from wandering off." Archer smiled warmly at her, "I have complete confidence in you."

Hoshi smiled brightly. "Thank you, sir."

"I'll send down two other people to help you out." Hoshi nodded. "But you should be fine. Travis is waiting in the launch bay. I'll tell him you're in charge and send down Rivers and Wallace."

Hoshi got up from her station. "All right. Thank you sir," she repeated.

She walked to the turbo lift and set it to go to the launch bay.

=/\=

**December 18, 2154 (BTP)**

An hour later Malcolm was at the appointed place at the appointed time, still waiting for Harris. Of course he hadn't really expected him to be punctual; that wasn't Harris' style. Malcolm heard a single footstep before the man was standing next to him. Malcolm gripped the knife in his pocket, but let no outward sign of suspicion show. "Am I to understand you are responsible for taking that satellite grid offline?" he asked coolly.

Harris smiled. "Not me personally."

"But you're involved. Phlox is my friend. Do you know where he is?"

"We have an assignment for you," Harris responded, ignoring Malcolm's question.

Malcolm gritted his teeth. _No!_ "I wasn't aware that I was still a part of your section," he said aloud.

"There's a job that needs doing, Lieutenant, and it may be the only way to save your friend's life."

Malcolm closed his eyes. "I'm out. I'm not coming back in."

Harris' seemingly pleasant face turned frighteningly cold. This was the face Malcolm was accustomed to. "This mission is of the upmost importance. I will not allow it to fail. You will comply."

Malcolm shook his head. "No. Find someone else. I'm sure you have plenty of 'recruits.'" Malcolm spat out the last word.

Harris' eerie fake smile returned. "Of course I do. But you're my favorite, Lieutenant."

Malcolm's expression didn't change.

"I had hoped this would be an easier reunion, but I hadn't really expected it. You were always so stubborn. Let me put it this way. If you refuse, Phlox won't be the only friend you'll need to worry about. What is that pretty Ensign's name? Sato is it?"

Malcolm's hand tightened around the knife as he fought against the violent urge to kill Harris right there, but he knew he couldn't. There would be repercussions.

Even though Malcolm hadn't given any indication that he agreed, Harris knew he was defeated. "I warned you about friendships, Malcolm. Such a nasty habit. Anyway, you'll know what to do when the time comes. Don't disappoint me." With that, Harris walked back into the fog. It only took a second for Malcolm to lose sight of him. Malcolm stood motionless in the alley for a moment, then turned around and walked back to the transporter coordinates.

That defiantly hadn't gone well.

=/\=

**Present – on Deuterium Miner's Planet ****May 13, 2155 (ATP)**

Hoshi had been down on the planet for three hours. Getting people into groups wasn't hard, but keeping them from wandering off was a nightmare. Thankfully, there were only three groups left, none of which had children in them. Children were what had made it so difficult in the first place. Children got bored and wanted to play hide and find, or other things that were counterproductive to the situation. Hoshi, at one point, realized that Archer had assigned her to babysit.

Travis had just left with his next group, so it would be another hour before he got back. Really, though, Hoshi didn't mind. It was nice to be outside. That was one of the only things she truly hated about being on Enterprise. There was nothing green. It was warm here too, Hoshi thought happily as she sat in the sun. The Enterprise was always too cold for her taste.

"Enterprise to Hoshi."

It took a moment for Hoshi to find her communicator; she had set on the ground somewhere beside her.

"Hoshi, please respond."

Hoshi found it and flipped it open. "Hoshi, here."

"A Klingon vessel has just dropped out of warp."

Hoshi jumped to her feet. "What?"

"It looks like five Klingons just transported 500 meters east of your position."

"All right, get the transporter ready. We'll just beam everyone else up."

"Understood."

The signal ended and Hoshi moved into action. "Everyone, I need your attention. Please stay calm. The Klingons are here. They just beamed in 500 meters away from us." Rather than heeding her instructions, people flew into a panic.

Tessic silenced them then turned to Hoshi. "What are we going to do? The shuttle just left. We are stranded here."

Hoshi shook her head, "No, we still have the transporter."

Tessic seemed taken aback. "Your own people are wary of this 'transporter,' if I remember correctly."

"It's not as if we have much of a choice. I need everyone to break into groups of four."

"Are you positive the equipment is safe?"

"Listen, we don't have time to argue about this. Please just do as I say."

Tessic nodded and started dividing them into groups. The first two groups beamed up one after the other without delay. But when it came time to beam up the third group, nothing happened. Hoshi opened her communicator.

"What's going on up there? There's still two more groups."

"We're taking fire. Transporters are offline. Standby."

Just then Hoshi saw the Klingons come over the rise of the eastern most hill. "Hurry up," she shouted. Still nothing.

"What do we do?" Tessic demanded.

"If you run we can't get a lock on you."

"You want us to stay here and be slaughtered?"

Hoshi opened her communicator again. "How long do you need?"

"Three minutes."

Hoshi recognized Trip's voice this time. "We don't have three minutes, Trip."

"I'm going as fast as I can."

"Ensign Sato…" Tessic pleaded anxiously.

Hoshi closed her eyes for a moment and went over every scrap of information she knew about the Klingons in her head. Finally, she came to a conclusion, "Whatever you do, don't run," Hoshi demanded. _Or this won't even matter._

The Klingons still weren't in weapons range but definitely would be in three minutes. Hoshi picked out the leader of the group and took off at a sprint towards him. The group of Klingons stopped advancing, seemingly stunned by the absurdity of the action.

All Hoshi need was three minutes.

Hoshi stopped a few feet from of the Klingons.

"Have you come to plead for the lives of your friends?" The rest of the group laughed like he had just said something very funny.

"If you have any honor, you will let these people go," Hoshi shouted in her best gruff Klingon voice.

The biggest Klingon of the group stalked towards her, closing the distance between the two of them. "And what would you know of honor, human?" he growled.

Hoshi stood her ground, aware that if she made one false move the man wouldn't hesitate to kill her. "I know that there is no honor in killing defenseless people and calling it victory. Only a coward would do such a thing."

For one moment, Hoshi thought that maybe her little speech had changed his mind – that she had sufficiently appealed to his sense of honor – that is until he smiled.

"TaHqeq."

The last thing Hoshi saw was the end of a disrupter as it made contact with her face. Her head exploded with pain and she heard a small pop, then everything went black.

=/\=

**December 22, 2154 (BTP)**

Malcolm sat in his office, tapping his pen against the desk. Fidgeting wasn't something he did on a regular basis, but Harris had been due to contact him almost fifteen minutes ago. Malcolm needed to know what was going on.

He had to admit that his missions with Section 31 had almost always been for the greater good, but it was the shady tactics that had made Malcolm leave the organization. Eventually Malcolm had found himself wondering if the benefits of the operation really made up for what it had cost to accomplish the mission. Malcolm closed his eyes at the thought. Lying to his Captain hardly made his list for the top ten most reprehensible things he had ever done. Malcolm shook his head. He was different now. There was no use dwelling on things of the past. Harris wasn't going to pull him back in. Malcolm wouldn't let him.

Finally, the screen lit up with Harris' face.

"Your tardiness was always one of the things I absolutely despised about you."

Harris smiled at how easily he could get under Malcolm's skin. "I apologize. There's a bit of a time difference between us."

"They still don't know anything. But I have a feeling that's not going to last long."

"And why is that?"

"Because they're the best people in Starfleet."

"Well if I recall, you were the best recruit I ever had. If they find anything, it's because you let them."

"You need to explain to me what's going on."

"You're not the one calling the shots here, recruit," Harris snarled.

"I'm not a recruit," Malcolm answered coldly. "And don't think that just because you threaten my friends that you have me wrapped around your finger. You're right; I was the best recruit you had. If you come after them, things will get ugly. There are a lot of people who still owe me favors. I'm helping you with this one mission to avoid a situation between us. But don't get comfortable with the idea of me being on your side. Now explain to me what's going on."

Harris' face had gone stonily cold. "The Klingons have been toying with genetics. Because of their extremely limited devotion to science and medicine, things went very wrong."

"What have they been doing?"

"They were attempting to make Klingon augments."

"You captured Phlox to help them finish the process?" Malcolm asked in disbelief.

"You've let time cloud your memory, Malcolm. Section 31 keeps the balance; we protect Earth and her people at any cost necessary. We're not thugs."

Malcolm laughed humorlessly. "Is that how you sleep at night?"

"I sleep at night the same way you do." Malcolm frowned. "Anyway, they inadvertently created a virus. It's killing Klingons by the thousands. Doctor Phlox was escorted to a Klingon ship to help create a cure."

"I'm sure the quadrant would be a better place without them."

"It would upset the balance of power and you know it." Malcolm couldn't disagree but didn't say anything. "Now that you know how important this is, I expect you to finish what you've started."

Malcolm nodded his head.

"I won't contact you again until the completion of this operation or there is a development that you need to know of. I expect you to do the same."

Malcolm nodded his head again. "Understood, 13 out."

Harris smiled. "It's easy to slip back in, isn't it?"

Malcolm pushed the button to end the message with much more force than was necessary. Then he picked up the pen he had been fidgeting with and threw it against the wall. It was hardly satisfying and really did nothing more than leave him feeling childish.

The inter-ship comm. system beeped. "Archer to Lieutenant Reed."

Malcolm got up and pushed the button on the comm. panel. "Yes, sir?"

"Please report to my ready room."

"Yes, sir." Malcolm picked up the pen and set it back on the desk, then left his office.

When he arrived at the Captain's ready room, Archer was pacing. Not a good sign.

As soon as the door slid shut behind him Archer spoke: "Someone deleted the information from the black box."

Malcolm was found out. "I'm not quite sure what you're getting at, sir," he lied.

"Only someone with security clearance of alpha-four or higher had access to the black box. That's just T'Pol, you and me."

Malcolm hated this. He was throwing away four years of trust for a man that he hated and an organization he despised. "I agree. It is a bit of a mystery."

"You're sure that freighter was destroyed by Orion weapons?"

"There's no doubt."

"I asked T'Pol to double-check your analysis. The freighter was fired on by Klingon disruptors."

Malcolm had known this would happen. Harris was right; he had let this happen. Everyone on board would be safer if they had a better idea of what was going on, or at least could see that all was not as it seemed. "With all due respect, sir, it must have been a mistake."

"I've seen the sensor logs."

"Someone could have tampered with them."

"I want to know what the hell is going on."

Malcolm thought about how much he could actually tell him. He came up with a very short list.

"Answer me, Lieutenant."

"Respectfully, sir, I refuse to answer any more questions."

Archer was suddenly very much in Malcolm's personal space. For a moment, Malcolm thought the Captain was going to hit him. He deserved it. "Malcolm," he growled into his ear, "I never would've believed that you, of all people…"

Malcolm cringed at the comment; this was harder than he had anticipated it would be. Archer went to the door and opened it, revealing a MACO waiting outside, as if Malcolm would have put up a fight. What did Archer think he was going to do, jump out an airlock?

"Corporal," Archer ordered, "Lieutenant Reed's been relieved of duty. Escort him to the brig and confine him."

The MACO nodded and reluctantly took Malcolm by the arm. "I'm sorry, sir, but would you come with me."

Malcolm nodded tightly.

The MACO led him across the bridge to the turbo lift. Malcolm could feel everyone's eyes on him, but the only ones he saw were Hoshi's. She looked… disappointed. Why shouldn't she be, Malcolm thought? She had trusted him

The Captain followed them all the way to the brig. After the MACO had shut the door to his cell and left, Archer started again. "We've set course for Klingon territory. We haven't picked up any warp signatures yet. I may have to take this ship into their space. I don't have to tell you how dangerous that is. If you know where they've taken Phlox…"

Malcolm shook his head. "I have no idea where the Doctor is, Captain. On that, you have my word." It was the first true thing he felt he had said all day.

"Your word isn't worth a lot at the moment," Archer spat at him. The Captain seemed frustrated by the lack of progress, so he changed tactics. Opening the door, he went into the cell. "The Malcolm Reed I know would give his life before committing treason," he said, appealing to Malcolm's sense of honor.

"I'm not working for the Klingons," Malcolm replied.

"Who, then? You've betrayed everything that uniform stands for." The Captain was shouting again.

"Captain, there are some obligations that go beyond my loyalty to you and this crew." They weren't exactly obligations, but Malcolm wasn't about to explain the entire situation to him.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"I can't say any more."

"You haven't said much of anything." Archer paused, searching for another angle, "You've told me a lot about your father, his years in the Royal Navy. Their tradition of honor and service. How do you think he'll react when he learns you're facing a court-martial?"

Although Malcolm knew that he deserved whatever the Captain threw at him, he hadn't been expecting the last comment. Archer bringing up his father seemed undignified despite the situation. Malcolm clamped tightly down on the sudden anger he felt. "I wouldn't know, sir."

Archer shook his head, obviously disappointed by a man he had come to trust. He got up and left the brig without another word.

=/\=

**TBC**


	15. Chapter 14 Part II

Title: Mistakes

Author: Auroraborealis

Rating: This chapter is PG I'm not positive what the other chapters are going to be like.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the star trek characters or anything.

Summary: AU. What if Hoshi had a hand in what happened with Terra Prime? How would it affect her and her relationships with people on the ship?

Spoilers: Terra Prime, Marauders, Affliction, Divergence

A/N- I'm really sorry about the huge spaces between chapters. I'll be sincerely surprised if anyone follows this story to the end (which is coming up btw). Those of you who have thank you so much. :)

Thank you to my beta, Dinah. This chapter is really Malcolm heavy and I've cut it into two parts because it was so long. But it's important for the story and helps explain some things later. Also, you probably won't understand it very well unless you've seen Affliction and Divergence. I promise there will be more Trip and T'Pol in the next chapter. Until then, I hope you enjoy it anyway.

**Chapter 14- Part II**

=/\=

**Present – on **_**Enterprise**_** May 13****, 2155 (ATP)**

Seconds after they had transported the last group, Trip locked onto Hoshi's communicator signal and beamed her up. She was unconscious and blood covered the left side of her face.

"All right, Captain, we have everyone. Let's go!" he shouted. As soon as he cut the channel, he opened one to sickbay. "Phlox get down her ASAP. Hoshi looks bad." He didn't wait for a response, but instead knelt beside Hoshi and took her pulse. Satisfied that she still had one, he took a closer look at the wound on her head. Blood oozed from a gash near her ear, "Hoshi," he called, squeezing her arm, "come on… wake up for me." Hoshi remained still.

Phlox arrived no more than thirty seconds after he was summoned. "Mr. Tucker, I need you to move," Phlox called quickly as soon as he entered the room. Trip got out of the way as the medical personnel quickly braced her neck and lifted her onto the gurney. As quickly as they had come, they left; Trip had to practically run to keep up. Halfway to the sickbay, Trip ran into Malcolm, literally.

"What's going on?" Malcolm asked quickly. Trip resumed his path to sickbay with Malcolm following close behind.

"Hoshi's hurt."

"What happened?"

"I don't know… the Klingons… I don't know." Finally, they reached sickbay only moments after Phlox and his team had. Malcolm rushed through the doors but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw her. Blood had seeped across the white fabric around her head, forming a sort of ghastly halo.

"I'm sorry, but I need everyone out. I'll call you as soon as there's news," Phlox demanded.

Malcolm nodded his head, devoid of any emotion, and walked calmly out of the sickbay.

Trip followed him out. "Mal, are you okay?" Malcolm kept walking but didn't answer. "Malcolm…" Still nothing. "I'm sure she'll be all right…" Trip gently grabbed his arm from behind. "Mal..."

"I'm fine, Trip." Trip searched his face, looking for any evidence to the contrary but gave up after a cursory glance. Trip nodded and put his hand on his friend's shoulder. "All right, Mal." He nudged him forward. "Come on, let's get some coffee. Phlox will contact us when he knows something."

Malcolm just nodded and followed behind him.

=/\=

**December 22, 2154 (BTP)**

They held Malcolm in the brig for only an hour this time before the two MACOs came back and wordlessly guided him through the corridors. Maybe the Captain had decided to throw him out the airlock, Malcolm thought.

"I don't suppose you can tell me where I'm going this time?" Malcolm asked.

There was no response.

"No, I didn't think so."

Finally, they reached his quarters. Maybe they just wanted him separated from the Klingon. After all, if he really was a traitor, they wouldn't want the two talking to each other. Malcolm was surprised to see Archer in his quarters when the door opened, then less surprised when he saw Harris' face on the screen of the monitor.

"Those are my personal files."

"Not when they affect my ship. T'Pol restored everything you tried to erase. We ran his face and voiceprint through our database. His name is Harris. He worked in Starfleet Security up till five years ago. After that, his file ends."

Malcolm looked at the screen silently. "Captain, there's nothing more I can add."

Archer shook his head, "I won't accept that. You endangered every member of this crew. You answer to me. I thought I knew you, Malcolm. Whatever hold this Harris has on you, you could have come to me."

"I'm under orders." It wasn't exactly a lie; Malcolm was just putting it in terms the Captain would understand.

"I'm your commanding officer!" Archer shouted. "If you don't tell me what's going on, I'll go to Starfleet. Whatever you think you've been trying to keep hidden…" He looked Malcolm in the eyes. "Is that what you want?" Malcolm still didn't say anything. "Is that what you want?" Archer demanded again. The only problem with Archer's threat was that Malcolm wasn't hiding anything. From the Captain, yes, but Section 31 was an organization under Starfleet headquarters. Someone knew they existed, although Malcolm didn't know who; Harris answered to someone.

Malcolm just shook his head. "I can't tell you what I don't know," he lied.

"Then let me talk to someone who can," Archer demanded. "Send a message to Harris."

Malcolm thought about it for a moment. "All right. But I can't guarantee you you'll get the answers you're looking for."

"I'll leave two MACOs outside your door. They'll escort you back to the brig when you're finished."

Malcolm nodded, waited for Archer and the MACOs to leave, then opened a channel. "Harris, there's been a complication…"

=/\=

**Present – on **_**Enterprise**_** May 13****, 2155 (ATP)**

An hour and a half later, Malcolm still had not heard anything from Phlox. He and Trip had drunk there coffee in silence, Trip apparently realizing that Malcolm had no interest in talking at the time. After one cup, Malcolm had left.

About fifteen minutes later, Trip had contacted him. One of the miners, who had seen what happened, told Trip the entire story. Apparently, Hoshi had run towards the Klingons to try and buy the rest of them time. One of the Klingons hit her and probably thought she was dead, because he left her and advanced on the rest of the people. By that time, they were in weapons range; however, Trip had fixed the transporter and beamed everyone up.

After Trip had called Malcolm hadn't moved from his desk chair, he was going on – Malcolm looked at his watch – an hour and twelve minutes.

It was the first in a very long time that Malcolm had felt so…unbalanced. Things were almost always under control, and when they weren't, Malcolm could accept that he had no control over them. But this was different. The thought that played over and over in his head crowded out everything else: _she has to be all right_. Without her, Malcolm knew exactly what would happen. He would draw back; he would be the person he had been rather than the person he had become. He would return to being the cold, calculating, logical Malcolm he had devoted so much time to creating and perfecting.

He would become no one.

Hoshi had become such an essential part of who he was. It was almost inconceivable to him what he would be without her. The thought was almost suffocating.

Malcolm's communicator beeped. "Mr. Reed, you may come to sickbay now."

"Is she all right?"

"Hoshi is awake and stable. I assure you her condition wasn't nearly as bad as it looked. I'm going to keep her for observation for twenty-four hours, but if there are no complications, I'll release her tomorrow."

"Thank you, Doctor; I'll be there in a moment." Malcolm cut the signal and left.

=/\=

**December 23, 2154 (BTP)**

Finally the MACOs had come back to get him from the brig. If Harris was good at anything, it was protecting his assets. Malcolm had done everything asked of him, even if he had bent the rules slightly; Harris should have been used to that by now. Malcolm knew that Harris would tell the Captain only what he would have found out anyway. He couldn't tell him anything about Malcolm's past without revealing too much. Still, as he was escorted to the ready room, Malcolm couldn't help but feel a bit anxious.

When he entered, Malcolm was surprised to see a sympathetic look on the Captain's face. As soon as the MACOs left, Malcolm spoke up, "I assume Harris contacted you."

Archer nodded his head. "He told me everything."

No, he hadn't, but if that was what the Captain wanted to believe, who was Malcolm to change his mind. Malcolm let him continue, trying to get a feel for how much he really did know. "You were at some point associated with this…Section 31."

Malcolm nodded his head.

"And you ran ops for them for three years while under other people's command."

Malcolm nodded again, although this wasn't completely true either. His records had been fixed to say that he had been on a remote post under the command of Captain Black, but that was completely fictitious. He had run operations for Section 31 full time for three years. The year Harris had taken over was the year Malcolm decided to leave.

"I don't understand it, Malcolm."

"At first, it didn't seem like lying."

"What else would you call it?"

Malcolm shook his head. "Covert operations? I was a young ensign; it was exciting." Also a lie, but it was too complicated to explain.

"How do you feel about it now?"

"I thought I was done. This is the first time Harris has contacted me since I was assigned to Enterprise. He told me about the plague. He said they needed Phlox to help the Klingons find a cure. I was supposed to just slow us down." That was the first truth of the entire conversation.

"Did Harris tell you about this?" Archer handed Malcolm a PADD. "I had T'Pol take a closer look at our prisoner's medical scans."

Malcolm pretended to be shocked. "It's human DNA."

"I'm guessing the plague is a side effect of a military experiment that went wrong."

"I didn't know." Again a lie. Malcolm was disappointed at how easy it was to slip back into this pattern. It had been four years, but still the instincts were second nature to him.

"Harris claims he's doing this because Starfleet needs a stable Klingon Empire."

Malcolm searched Archer's face. "Do you believe him?"

Archer shrugged. "I don't trust him. If the Klingons needed our help, there are easier ways to get it."

"I wanted to tell you everything, Captain." Also the truth, but that hadn't been possible.

"There's a way out of this," Archer offered. "I don't have to put you back in the brig, but you have to choose where your loyalties lie."

"I wasn't told where Phlox was taken, but Starfleet intelligence believes that the Klingons have a genetic research facility on Qu'Vat Colony."

Archer nodded his head. "All right. Let's go."

=/\=

**Present – on **_**Enterprise**_** May 13****, 2155 (ATP)**

When he got to sickbay, Phlox was waiting for him. "I assume you're aware of how this happened?"

"Trip said it had something to do with the Klingons. Hoshi saw fit to confront them when they attacked."

Phlox nodded his head, "Because of her actions, none of the refugees were harmed in the attack."

Malcolm looked over to the only drawn curtain in the room, "So how is she?"

"Hoshi is actually very lucky. She has a mild concussion, but there aren't any indications of swelling and there's been no vomiting. She doesn't remember about an hour before the incident, and that memory may or may not come back within a week or so, but otherwise she's fine."

"There was a lot of blood."

"Yes, the force of the blow split Hoshi's ear and gave her a nasty cut on her head. They bled quite a bit but they were mostly superficial wounds. I've sutured both and transfused her with blood; she should heal up just fine."

Malcolm nodded. "Can I see her?" Phlox motioned to a closed curtain and then left Malcolm alone.

Hoshi was awake, just as Phlox had mentioned earlier, and Malcolm was more than relieved to find her all right, if not a bit pale. The only outward sign of satisfaction he showed was a smile in Hoshi's direction, which she returned sleepily. "How are you feeling?" he asked as he sat down in the chair next to her.

"Like a Klingon hit me in the head." She smiled.

Malcolm shook his head. "What were you thinking? Did you think you could reason with them?" Malcolm smiled. "Or were you planning on intimidating them?"

"I don't really remember." Hoshi giggled.

"Of course not," Malcolm teased. He reached out and took her hand. It was the same as it always had been, but this time Malcolm noticed every detail of it. Her soft pink palms, the creamy white of her hands, the pearly smoothness of her nails, he absorbed the memory… _just in case_.

Malcolm took a deep breath to wash away the thought, but Hoshi seemed to have noticed the tightness in his face before he had a chance to hide it. She squeezed his hand. "I really am alright, Malcolm."

Malcolm smiled again, then stood up and kissed her forehead. "You should try to get some rest, especially with Phlox waking you up every two hours." Hoshi nodded her head and Malcolm bent down to kiss her again; this time a short soft kiss on her lips. "I'll be back soon." Malcolm let go of her hand and left the sickbay.

=/\=

**December 23, 2154 (BTP)**

Hoshi walked into the sickbay late at night. Phlox was tending to his large menagerie of pets, but turned around when she walked in. Hoshi smiled softly, but it quickly faded when she saw his face again. The bruising seemed even worse in the bright lighting of sickbay. Hoshi had been so relieved when they had found him, but as soon as she had seen him it was obvious to her that he had been beaten. It left her with a sick feeling in her stomach.

She held up a small paper bag she had in her hand. "I brought you something," she said brightly, but the sound was forced.

Phlox returned her smile with much more enthusiasm. "Thank you, Hoshi, what is it?"

She handed him the bag. "It's those little date cookies. Chef made some while you were…away," Hoshi said quietly. "I saved them for you."

Phlox smiled widely. "That was very thoughtful, Hoshi."

Somehow, even though Phlox treated everyone like children, it never seemed patronizing. It was caring, like they were all _his _children. "I was worried about you," Hoshi said bluntly. Phlox nodded his head again. "I thought it might be my fault."

"How could what happened possibly be your fault?"

Hoshi wanted to tell him so badly, tell someone. But she remembered the reasons why she hadn't. Hoshi briefly wondered what Phlox's clear blue eyes would look like filled with hate. She couldn't do that. "I know it was a stupid thing to think. I guess just because they didn't take me."

Phlox put the bag of cookies on his desk. "That's understandable." He smiled. "However, ridiculous the notion may be. Well, everyone is fine, so there's really no use dwelling on it." Hoshi felt a bit of confusion at Phlox's nonchalance.

"How can you say that?" she asked, her eyes stung with moisture as she studied his face. The cut above his brow had been stitched closed, but the bruise stretching across his cheekbone was still very dark and almost painful just to look at. There was a skinned spot on his forehead and another bruise down by his chin. "You were kidnapped, held against your will…" Despite how much she fought against it a tear streaked down her face, "…abused."

Phlox's face morphed from semi-jovial to sympathetic. He sat down in his desk chair and motioned to Hoshi to sit in the one across from him. "I'm fine."

"But…"

Phlox took her hand and patted it. "Listen to me. I can see how it may be difficult for you to understand, you having been in a similar situation before, but the results of situations like this are different for different people." Hoshi nodded her head. "Denobulans live very much in the present. Something that isn't now, never was."

"But how can you do that, just let go of something that was so…" Hoshi just shook her head, not able to put into words exactly what it was she wanted to say.

"Because there is no point in carrying things that have no value, and there's even less sense in carrying something painful."

Hoshi nodded her head. "It must be nice … to be able to let go of things like that."

"Have you ever tried?" Hoshi didn't answer. "Why do you hold on so tightly to the pain the Xindi caused you?"

Hoshi's face crumbled. "Phlox…"

"What hold does it have on you?"

Hoshi shook her head. "Stop."

"Hoshi…"

"I don't want to talk about this," she shouted.

Hoshi took a deep breath, "I'm sorry, she whispered.

"It's quite alright, but Hoshi you _need_ to let go of your trauma. You cannot carry it the rest of your life. I see the way it affects you every day, and until you let it go, it _will_ affect you every day."

"They took something from me," Hoshi whispered, "They broke me…I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't even know how to let it go. It's all I have."

Phlox pulled her into an embrace; Hoshi was momentarily stunned by the action. As friendly as Phlox was, he had never liked contact with people. "If that's all you have, then it will consume you," he said softly, "destroy who you are, the goodness in you. The strong, vibrant person I've come to call my friend." Hoshi sobbed against his chest.

She cried for what she had done.

She cried because he was right.

She cried because no matter what, she couldn't take back her actions.

"You need to let it go, Hoshi."

Hoshi nodded her head.

"I can guarantee that it's not all you have."

Hoshi nodded again and Phlox released her. He smiled at her and handed her a tissue off his desk. "I'm fine Hoshi. And you will be too." Phlox got up from the chair. "After being gone so long, I have a lot of things I need to catch up on." He frowned as he looked around the room. "It looks like someone completely rearranged my sickbay. I can't find a thing." Hoshi couldn't help but smile, and she got up too.

"I'll leave you to it," she said as she turned around to leave.

"Breakfast tomorrow as usual?" Phlox called after her.

Hoshi turned back to face him. "Of course."

With that, she went back to her quarters. When she got there, she suddenly thought of Malcolm. She needed to talk to him. It was 2308, but if she knew Malcolm, he would still be awake, especially after what had happened.

=/\=

**Present – on **_**Enterprise**_** May 16****, 2155 (ATP)**

When Malcolm got back to his quarters, Hoshi was still there. It had been three days since they had been attacked by the Klingons. There were no complications while Hoshi was in sickbay, so she had been released two days ago, with firm orders from Phlox to get lots of rest. She had three days until she could return to work for light duty and Malcolm knew she was going crazy with boredom, he would be too. They were alike in that aspect. She was lying on the bed and had a PADD in her hand. She looked intent on whatever she was doing.

"I thought we agreed you would listen to Doctor Phlox and get some sleep." He had already caught her trying to work on translations twice.

Hoshi looked up from the PADD. "It's Sudoku."

Malcolm looked at the screen just to be sure. "What kind of Sudoku is that?" he asked.

Hoshi laughed. "It's sixteen square. The other ones were too easy."

She set the PADD down and kissed Malcolm. "How was your day?"

"It was fine… boring actually. I spent the entire day running diagnostics."

Hoshi laughed again, then she pulled him onto the bed and lay down on his chest. Malcolm stroked her hair. When his fingers ran over her stitches, she moved his hand down to around her waist.

"How are you feeling today?"

"I'm fine, Malcolm, I told you."

"Any dizziness?"

"No, now stop worrying."

Malcolm pulled her closer to him, but was unusually silent after that.

"What are you thinking about?" Hoshi asked softly.

Malcolm was silent for a bit longer, then answered, "How would you feel about transferring off the ship?"

Hoshi turned to face Malcolm. "What?"

"It's just something I've been thinking about."

"Since when, Malcolm? You love your job."

Malcolm shook his head. "I love _you_."

Hoshi pushed herself up so that she was leaning on her elbow facing him. "Malcolm, you can't make a decision like this because you're afraid something's going to happen to me. I'm fine."

"But what if you weren't… Hoshi there is no way you can convince me that this job doesn't come with certain hazards. We're flying through a vacuum in a chunk of metal, for god's sake."

"So what are you saying?"

"Let's take a post on Earth…" Malcolm shook his head before Hoshi could interrupt. "Just listen, all right? Enterprise has become a diplomatic vessel. Columbia is the one who's going to be out there. But the Starfleet program is really picking up; they've already started construction on the Intrepid. They need people, people like us, who have actual experience on starships. They need people to write protocol, improve systems, train cadets. There's so much we could do to make this better for the people who go out after us. I'm, of course, not going to go unless you come with me, but I want you to give it some thought."

Hoshi had thought about transferring off the ship in the past, but she had never thought it would be for such pleasing reasons. Hoshi loved the idea of getting a fresh start, just the two of them. She could finally be free of a place that made her feel so much guilt, but… "I don't want you to make a commitment because you're afraid of losing me."

"I'm not making a commitment because I'm afraid of losing you. I'm asking you to consider this because I love you, and because I want to keep you with me as long as I can," Malcolm paused, "But want you to be happy too. If this isn't something you want, tell me and I'll drop the issue right here."

And Hoshi realized that the opposite was true. This was exactly what she wanted. "Okay." Hoshi nodded her head. "Okay, let's do it."

Malcolm smiled. "Well, I hardly expect you to make a decision right this second."

"My answer will be the same tomorrow." She kissed him gently. "I'm sure.

=/\=

**December 23, 2154 (BTP)**

Malcolm lay on his bunk, reading. Or at least that was what he had been trying to do for the last thirty minutes. Phlox was all right, aside from some bumps and bruises. Malcolm had expected as much, since he, too, had once been captured by Klingons, but still he had felt a bit guilty. If they had found him sooner, Phlox wouldn't have had to endure so much. Of course, on the other hand, if they had found him any sooner, there would still be a plague.

The computer on his desk beeped, indicating that there was an incoming message. Right on time, Malcolm thought. He set down the book, rolled off the bed and opened the channel.

It was Harris as he had expected. "What do you want?"

"I called to thank you. Everything went according to our projections. The Empire's been stabilized. I doubt very much that they'll be experimenting with Augments anytime soon."

"We could've explained everything to Captain Archer." Malcolm knew it wasn't true, but it was a nice touch.

"That's not how Krell wanted things done."

"Since when do we do things the way the Klingons want?"

"When it's in our interest. I had to keep certain details from you, as well. I hope there are no hard feelings. This mission wouldn't have succeeded without you, Lieutenant."

"Don't ever contact me again. Is that clear?"

"Maybe you didn't understand our recruitment policy. You can't simply walk away."

Malcolm cringed at the reality of the statement; it was a truth that Malcolm had been ignoring for years. "I answer to one commanding officer: Jonathan Archer."

"Lieutenant, why don't we…" Malcolm cut off the transmission. He knew he was laying it on a bit thick, but Archer wouldn't know the difference.

He lay back down on his bunk and picked up the book again. The Captain could say that he trusted him again, but that didn't mean he wasn't monitoring Malcolm's computer. Harris knew that too. This had been a nice way to clean up any loose ends and possibly convince the Captain that Malcolm had cut all ties with Harris. Of course, that was his intention, but he really couldn't be sure of anything. Malcolm slammed the book shut and tossed it onto his desk.

Four years of being away, of trying to change, Harris had come so close to destroying everything so easily. It made Malcolm wonder briefly if there was even a point. He sat down heavily in his desk chair. Of course there was a point, no matter what Harris thought. He wasn't in it anymore and he had no intention of going back. He couldn't go back. He had spent so much time trying to forget some of the things he'd done… Malcolm opened the bottom drawer of his desk and stared at a bottle of dark amber liquid, then he pulled it out. He looked at the clock: 2308. It was just as well that he had an evening shift tomorrow. He poured himself about two fingers full and drained it, a desperate plea telling his brain to shut up. It didn't seem to be working. Malcolm cringed as thought of his past raced through his mind. Things he hadn't thought of in years, things he done. He ran his fingers through his hair and was about to pour himself another glass when his door chime signaled that he had a visitor.

Malcolm couldn't imagine who would be here this late, unless of course it was the Captain again. Forgetting about the bottle, Malcolm got up and answered the door. He was stunned to see Hoshi standing there, especially since he was fairly certain that she now hated him. She looked upset, like she had just been crying.

"Hoshi, are you all right?"

She nodded. "I was just about to ask you the same thing," she smiled.

Hoshi actually hadn't expected to find him here. Typically, he seemed to work things out in the gym, but his quarters were closer so she had tried them first. Apparently this was different.

"I'm fine," he answered with not nearly the fervor he typically used.

"You mind if I come in." She wasn't really sure what to expect, but he moved out of the doorframe and let her in. Malcolm walked over to his desk and poured himself what Hoshi suspected was probably not his first glass.

She didn't blame him.

"Would you like a glass," he offered, indicating the bottle with his cup.

Hoshi was about to refuse when she changed her mind. "Sure, I'll have a little."

Malcolm poured half of what he had poured himself and handed it to her, then sat down in the desk chair. Hoshi sat on the edge of the bed facing him and took a small drink from her cup.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked finally.

Malcolm took a sip of his drink. He remained silent, but Hoshi was willing to be patient. Finally Malcolm lifted his face to meet her eyes. "I've completely lost the Captains trust." He quickly swallowed the rest of his drink. He looked like he was about to pour another glass, but he changed his mind and screwed the cap back on the bottle.

For the first time, Hoshi thought that Malcolm looked defeated. "No, Malcolm. If he didn't think he could trust you, you wouldn't be on the ship. It will just take some time for your relationship to be comfortable again." She took another sip of her drink.

"I just can't see that happening."

"It will."

Malcolm didn't respond.

"You told me once that a person's past often times doesn't have anything to do with who they are in the present. Maybe you're right. I think the moment we decide to let go of our past is the moment we can be whatever we want to be." Hoshi as fresh tears sprung into her eyes. "Our pasts will destroy us if we let them. Trust me, I know. It doesn't matter what you did before you got here. The Malcolm I know right now, today…that's who you are. Not your past." A tear streamed down Hoshi's face, as she smiled and squeezed Malcolm's arm.

Malcolm looked at her, a mixture of relief and confusion, "Are you sure, you're alright Hoshi?"

She nodded and finished her drink. "Yeah, try to get some sleep. Things are always clearer in the morning. I think you'll find things aren't nearly as bad as you think." She set the empty glass down on the desk, and then kissed Malcolm gently on the cheek. "Everything will be all right." With that she left.

=/\=

**TBC**


	16. Chapter 15 Part I

Title: Mistakes

Author: Auroraborealis

Rating: This chapter is PG I'm not positive what the other chapters are going to be like.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the star trek characters or anything.

Summary: AU. What if Hoshi had a hand in what happened with Terra Prime? How would it affect her and her relationships with people on the ship?

Spoilers: Terra Prime, Marauders, Affliction, Divergence

A/N- Thank you so much to my beta, Dinah. Also let it be known that this will be the last chapter with time stamps as the story will be linier from here on out and if you haven't seen Terra Prime or Demons in a while you might feel a little lost. Also, I'm sorry about the insane amount of time it took me to get this up. I should be much quicker with the last four chapters. And, because this chapter is so long it will be split into 2 chapters like Chapter 14. Thank you all for reading!

**Chapter 15- Part I**

**=/\=**

**Starfleet Headquarters, San Francisco- December 23, 2154 (BTP)**

As far as orators went Nathan Samuels really wasn't bad. Of course Hoshi, like many other members of the crew, was a bit disappointed that he had failed to mention the _Enterprise_'s contribution to the formation of the Coalition of Planets even once, but no one was perfect. Especially politicians. After the speech, she had left Archer and T'Pol with the Minister. Language was her life, but schmoozing wasn't really her thing.

Hoshi scanned the room and picked Travis out of the crowd. She started to walk over to him but stopped when she saw him talking to a pretty redhead. Hoshi smiled. Their body language had "old flame" written all over. She looked around the room again. Maybe Malcolm was as bored as she was, although, he would never say so. In her futile search for Malcolm, Hoshi's gaze stopped on an older looking blond woman. She was vaguely familiar, but Hoshi couldn't quite place the woman. Hoshi looked at her a moment longer, then all of the air left her lungs as the woman's face turn towards her.

It was Susan.

It was Susan and she was heading straight for T'Pol and the Captain. Why was she here? What if she had changed her mind about the entire thing? What if she was here to tell them everything they had done? Everything Hoshi had done? As badly as Hoshi wanted to run up to her, to stop her, Hoshi's feet moved her backward. Back, back, back, until she was pushed up against the wall. Her fingers gripped her elbows so tight that her knuckles were slowly turning white. Hoshi watched as Susan got closer and closer to them then finally reached T'Pol. She grasped T'Pol's hand and said something, but Hoshi was too far away to hear it. She didn't think it would have made any difference if they had been standing right in front of her; all Hoshi heard was the pounding of her own heart. She closed her eyes as hard as she could, waiting.

"She's going into shock. Get me a med kit!" Phlox's voice rang out across the room.

Hoshi opened her eyes in confusion. She saw Susan lying on the ground. What had happened? Neither the Captain nor T'Pol looked in her direction. If Susan had told them anything about her, they didn't seem very concerned about it. Hoshi watched as Malcolm darted across the room to where the med-kit was stored and brought it back to the doctor.

Phlox shook his head. "She's dead. I'm afraid there wouldn't have been anything I could have done regaurdless."

Malcolm nodded and set the med-kit gently onto the floor. He and the Captain talked quietly amongst themselves for a moment, probably trying to figure out how to handle the situation. Malcolm nodded his head then turned towards the now gawking crowd. "All right," he called across the room, "I'm going to need everyone to move to Conference Room B and stay there until a member of Starfleet Security has a chance to talk to you." The silence broke into a soft murmur as they shuffled out of the room. Hoshi still hadn't moved from where she had been standing and Malcolm caught her gaze as he put away the med-kit. He frowned then walked over to where she was. "Are you all right?"

Hoshi nodded her head, but wasn't quite looking at him.

"Hoshi…" Malcolm put his hands on her shoulders. Hoshi's gaze focused and she looked him in the eye, nodding again. "Are you sure? You don't really look well at all."

Hoshi swallowed, trying to get rid of the thick lump in her throat. "I guess… I just wasn't expecting to see that here." Malcolm's eyebrows knitted together more closely, but he nodded like he believed her. "I just wasn't expecting it."

"You should sit down."

Hoshi took a deep breath, mentally shaking herself awake. "No, Malcolm, I'm fine." He didn't look convinced. "I promise," she smiled. "I'll start talking to the guests – see if anyone saw anything, okay?"

Malcolm looked unsure for a moment then nodded, "Alright, I should be in there in a moment."

=/\=

**Present – On **_**Enterprise**_**May 30, 2155 (ATP)**

Trip signed his name on the PADD then set it on top of the tall stack sitting next to him. He took a deep breath, then let it out.

Finally.

He had no idea moving a colony would have so much paper work attached to it. It was a good thing that the commute between the two planets was as far as it was, or he wasn't sure that he would have been able to get it all done before they got there. Trip smiled. Getting to the new colony was synonymous to him with marrying T'Pol. They were getting so close; they were only about five days away now.

T'Pol had arranged for a Vulcan priest to meet them there. Every time Trip saw Malcolm he got knowing looks from the man. Trip was glad that Malcolm was so on board with this. It wouldn't have affected his decision at all, but it was nice to have his friend behind him. Trip had been considering who he would make his best man. Jon and Trip had been friends the longest, but Malcolm was really the person Trip went to anymore if he had a problem or needed a second opinion. Both men were important to him so it had been a hard decision. He had been somewhat relieved when T'Pol told him there was no Vulcan equivalent to a best man. She insisted that if he wanted to incorporate the tradition into their ceremony, he should, but Trip thought it would be easier just not to worry about it.

Trip turned off his computer and walked out of his office. He waved goodnight as he passed the night crew, then walked down the corridors to T'Pol's quarters. They tried to be discreet about the two of them staying in her quarters, but Trip really wasn't sure how successful they had been since he hardly ever went to his quarters for anything anymore. It had become a running joke in engineering that he was actually homeless and just lived in his office since he was never in his quarters, but Trip had no doubts that his people in engineering had a pretty good idea of where he was most nights. He didn't really mind. He trusted them all and knew they were discreet. Engineering had access to all sorts of personal things. Discretion came with the job.

When he walked in, he wasn't surprised to find that T'Pol was already asleep. It was almost 0100 and since they had started living together, he rarely came in this late. He smiled. She had started sleeping on her side even when he wasn't there. It was like she was waiting for him to come lay down next to her in the spot she saved him in her arms.

Trip sat down heavily on the bed and pulled off his boots. Today had been a long day; but still he couldn't believe how tired he was. He pulled off his jumpsuit and climbed into bed with just his blues on. As he moved under the sheets he noticed that T'Pol's thoughts seemed quieter tonight than usual. He put his arm around T'Pol, loving the feel of her skin against his and the way his arm seemed to fit perfectly across her. He let his eyelids droop closed and felt himself fall deeper and deeper into the black of sleep.

_Don't go to sleep._

It was a whispering thought in the back of his mind, but he was so tired he ignored it.

_Don't go to sleep._ This time it was louder. Trip suddenly realized that something was wrong. It was T'Pol calling to him. He tried to push himself back up to the surface of consciousness but felt himself being pulled down, down, down into the depths of sleep… or was that something else?

_WAKE UP!_

No matter how hard he fought he didn't have the energy to pull himself out of the deep darkness he was swimming in. He fell deeper and deeper until the black turned into nothingness.

=/\=

**December 24, 2154 (BTP)**

Malcolm was looking through the interviews of the people at the conference for a third time, but he knew it was useless. No one in that crowd had ever met the woman let alone seen what happened. The woman was a ghost. The only person who had seen anything of any relevance was the doorman. He said he had let her in only a few minutes before the incident and the only thing that stood out to him was that she seemed ill. Malcolm rubbed his hands across his face and threw the PADD into the bottom drawer of his desk. Right now all they had was the hair, and that happened to be the most confusing part of this whole thing. How could it be Trip and T'Pol's child? Malcolm was pretty sure he would have noticed if Commander T'Pol had ever become pregnant. Malcolm's comm. beeped.

"Reed," he answered tiredly.

"It's Captain Archer. I want you to talk to an old friend."

"Sir?"

"I want you to contact to Harris. See if he knows anything about this woman."

Malcolm was silent for a moment.

"Lieutenant?"

"With all due respect, sir, I can't do that."

"Why not? You've had no trouble contacting him in the past."

Malcolm flinched, "Please, sir, just trust me. It would be a bad idea to contact him for any reason. I have a couple other people I could talk to. Maybe they'll know something."

"All right. Tell me as soon as you know."

"I will. If that's all, sir?"

"Goodnight, Mr. Reed."

Malcolm cut the channel. He couldn't believe what the Captain had just asked him to do. After everything that had happened, Archer just wanted him to go ask Harris for a favor? He had almost been court-martialed for talking to the man, but when it fit the Captain's interests… Malcolm shook his head. It wasn't really his fault, Archer just didn't understand. Malcolm thought for a moment, going over people he knew who might have some information. He quickly picked someone from his mental list and smiled. Marshall would know what was going on, and as an added bonus he was one of the few people from his old life who didn't want to kill him.

"Her name is Susan Khouri," Malcolm said, handing the Captain a PADD. "She worked at San Francisco Hospital until a month after the Xindi attack. She doesn't have any family or close friends to speak of, but six weeks after she quit her job it is believed that she joined the underground isolationist movement, Terra Prime."

"The people who attacked Phlox in the bar about a year ago?"

"No, those were just some drunks, but there was a lot going on with Terra Prime during that time. It was their highest recruitment since the days after the attack on Earth. Guess who one of their most prominent recruiters was?"

"Susan Khouri?"

Malcolm nodded his head. "She'd been recruiting people in San Francisco for months. Paxton was impressed, so he moved her up the ranks. Eventually she became a prominent person in Paxton's inner circle."

"Okay, so do we know anything about the child?"

"Ms. Khouri's autopsy reports came back. She had elevated levels of growth hormone in her blood along with traces of myofibrilin."

"That's what they used to prescribe for extended zero-G missions, right? So what does that tell us? It's not really used anymore outside of military exercises."

"Not since the invention of artificial gravity, but it _is_ still given to workers in remote places where artificial gravity isn't practical. My contact told me that the Orpheus mining colony has always been a prominent base for Terra Prime. He also told me that there has been much more traffic going through there lately."

"So that's probably where she came from?"

"It seems likely. But more importantly, it seems this is where we could find this child. If it truly is the child of Commanders Tucker T'Pol, I doubt that a xenophobic terrorist group is an appropriate place for it."

"All right. It seems like our best bet at the moment. We'll set a course. Thank you, Lieutenant."

"Yes, sir." Malcolm got up from the conference table and turned towards the door.

"And Malcolm..."

"Yes, sir."

"I want to apologize for last night. Despite everything that's happened, I do trust you. You wouldn't be on this ship if that wasn't the case. If you say you can't contact Harris, I believe that you have a legitimate reason."

"Thank you, sir." Malcolm nodded crisply again, then turned and left the room.

=/\=

**Present – On **_**Enterprise**_**May 30, 2155 (ATP)**

Jones flicked the internal lights on his station board on and off.

On—Off.

On—Off.

He hated night shift duty, but it seemed like ever since they had started this project with the colonists, everyone's schedules had been off.

On—Off.

On—Off.

He sighed and looked at the chronometer. Only five more hours and 17 minutes until the end of his shift. Six minutes less than when he had last checked.

On—Off.

On—Off.

His comm. panel beeped… finally something. He didn't care if it was a leaky shower; he would go fix it himself if it would get him off the almost-empty bridge. "This is Jones. Go ahead."

"This is engineering. We're getting some irregular readings from Commander T'Pol's quarters. Our sensors are telling us that the O2 recyclers in that unit aren't working, but none of our alarms have gone off. Our sensors have been finicky all week so I was just wondering if you could confirm our readings."

Jones pulled up the screen for that room. He was slightly alarmed to see that his sensors read the same thing. "I'm getting the same readings. You said no alarms went off, nothing?"

"Nothing. Check for life signs."

He pulled up the program for S.W.L. S.*, and found two life signs in Commander T'Pol's quarters. "There are people in there, Engineering. Can you get the doors for that room open through the computers?"

There was a pause on the other line. "Dammit, no. We've been locked out. This isn't just a malfunction. This was intentional."

Jones found himself wondering why he had been hoping for something interesting to happen just a moment ago. "All right, I need you to get a team down there. Open those doors as fast as you can without hurting the people inside."

"All right. Engineering out."

As soon as the channel was cut, Jones opened one to the Captain.

"Archer."

"Sir, we have a problem."

=/\=

**December 27, 2154 (BTP)**

"My name is John Frederick Paxton. I've just taken over the verteron array on Mars. I can now fire on any ship or facility in the system…"

Hoshi stared at the man who had caused all of this. There was nothing outstanding about him. He looked like an ordinary man, talked like an ordinary man. Hoshi wondered how he could have so much control over so many people. _How was I pulled into this?_ Fear. All it took was convincing people that he could protect them from whatever they feared. After all, isn't that why she had joined in the first place? She had been completely paralyzed by fear. Fear that the Xindi would come back, fear that someone else would try to destroy their home, fear that someone else would… _hurt me. Hurt me like I'm hurting people now._

"…Terra Prime forever."

"Block that transmission," Archer shouted.

Hoshi's fingers flew over her controls, going through every block out sequence there was, but to no avail. "He's on every frequency. The signal's going system-wide."

The Captain turned to Malcolm. "Target his ship," he demanded. "Take out their communications."

"He's tied his warp reactor into the array. If we hit him, it'll take out half of Utopia colony."

Archer turned back to Hoshi; they were now running out of options. "Open a channel to Starfleet."

"Everything's jammed," Hoshi said frantically while trying to boost the ship's signal. All they needed was a stronger signal than Paxton's and they could get through.

"The citizen soldiers of Terra Prime will act to protect you against the most dangerous enemy that humanity has ever faced."

Hoshi glanced at the screen and stopped what she was doing. For the first time, Hoshi saw the evidence of her crime. The image of a sweet-faced baby filled the screen. She had the blue eyes of her Human father and the pointed ears of her Vulcan mother. Hoshi felt she was somehow connected to the child – like her role in creating her had formed a bond between them. Hoshi bit down on her lip. She was one of the few who knew the child's fate; who knew that the sweet-faced, innocent baby on the screen would die.

And it was her fault.

=/\=

**TBC**


	17. Chapter 15 Part II

Title: Mistakes

Author: Auroraborealis

Rating: This chapter is PG I'm not positive what the other chapters are going to be like.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the star trek characters or anything.

Summary: AU. What if Hoshi had a hand in what happened with Terra Prime? How would it affect her and her relationships with people on the ship?

Spoilers: Terra Prime, Marauders, Affliction, Divergence

A/N- Thank you so much to my beta, Dinah. Also let it be known that this will be the last chapter with time stamps as the story will be linier from here on out and if you haven't seen Terra Prime or Demons in a while you might feel a little lost. Also, I'm sorry about the insane amount of time it took me to get this up. I should be much quicker with the last four chapters. And, because this chapter is so long it will be split into 2 chapters like Chapter 14. Thank you all for reading!

**Chapter 15- Part II**

=/\=

**Present – On **_**Enterprise**_**May 30, 2155 (ATP)**

Hess's first instinct at being woken up so early was irritation. After she heard what the situation was the only thing she felt was panic. Everyone in engineering knew that Trip spent nights in T'Pol's quarters on a regular basis. If there were two life signs in that room, one of them had to be his.

She was the most experienced metal cutter on the ship, but even with all of her skill, cutting through the door was painfully slow. Every second they took put Trip one moment closer to death. Hess' hands were shaking with anticipation as she got closer to completing the opening in the door. "Is everyone ready?" she called.

She received nods and replies in the affirmative.

"Okay, I'm through," she shouted as she finished the hole in the door. A whoosh of air passed her as the pressure equalized on both sides.

It took the medical team hardly two minutes to pull them out of the room. They laid them both on the ground in the corridor outside their room; neither of them was breathing. Immediately the med teams started working on them. Hess noticed how Trip's blues seemed to make the blue tinge of his lips all the brighter.

She watched as the med staff worked on both of themFive pumps on his chest, then a push of air into his lungs. Again and again, but his body remained limp. Hess turned around unable to watch any longer until she heard an awful cough. She looked behind her to see Trip awake and gasping for air. As soon as he was cogent enough to recognize what was going on, he was fighting against the med team.

"Is she all right?" he demanded. "T'Pol? T'POL?"

"Calm down, Commander."

"Is she all right?"

"Calm down."

"Answer me!"

At that moment the same thing happened to T'Pol. A long harsh cough, then a healthy gasping of air. Hess felt relief wash through her body.

They were okay.

Phlox put oxygen masks on them before moving them to sickbay. Hess followed behind them. When they reached sickbay, Phlox sat them down on two adjacent biobeds. After checking their vitals, Phlox went over to his desk to make a report.

"Are they going to be all right?" Hess asked.

Phlox nodded. "I don't see any reason why not. In fact, I could probably release them now, but I'd rather be safe than sorry."

Hess smiled back. "Thank you." She walked up to Trip's bed, not sure what to say.

Trip took off his mask. "We're fine, Anna. Go back to bed."

She smiled again and shook her head as she walked up in between the two beds. "You know I can't do that, sir. I'm not leaving engineering until I find out how this happened."

"Your concern is appreciated, Lieutenant," T'Pol said softly, "however, I believe you will function more efficiently if you get some rest."

Hess smiled at her. "Okay." She nodded. "All right, I'll put the night crew on it." She squeezed Trip's hand and looked at T'Pol. "I'm really glad you two are okay." T'Pol nodded. Hess took it as an assurance, and Trip squeezed her hand back. "I'll see you in the morning, sir."

"Goodnight, Anna."

As soon as she left sickbay, she walked down the hall to the turbolift. When she got off the lift, she walked past her quarters to Engineering. Despite Trip's request, she wouldn't have been able to sleep, even if she tried. Now that the fear was gone, all she felt was an intense rage.

She was going to find out how this happened.

=/\=

**December 28, 2154 (BTP)**

Hoshi's intentions really had been to walk back to her quarters. She was so emotionally drained she wasn't sure how much longer she could stay standing up. Everyone was physically all right, except of course for Elizabeth, but Hoshi wasn't sure if the crew would ever get over the emotional trauma this had caused. One of their own had betrayed them. _I betrayed them._

Trip and T'Pol had named her. It seemed so much sadder now that the baby had a name. The beautiful baby girl was in sickbay now, with Trip and T'Pol silently praying for a miracle. Hoshi could see more clearly than ever now how much the two of them loved each other.

Hoshi had gone by the sickbay briefly; she wasn't sure why she had done it. Trip and T'Pol had been quietly sitting with Elizabeth. When Hoshi didn't see Phlox at first glance, she looked in his office, softly knocking on the door before she entered. He had been sitting in his desk chair, brow furrowed, his hand rubbing his temple.

"Are you all right?" she asked softly.

He sat quietly then answered, "There's ahh… there is nothing I can do. With all of my knowledge, all of my experience, that baby, that little child, is going to die… and there's nothing I can do." He looked up at her, smiling sadly, and Hoshi was shocked to see he face wet with tears. "How is that fair? To her? Trip? T'Pol? Hmm? What did they do to deserve this?"

Hoshi had never seen him so upset before. It was all she could do not to join him. Instead she just shook her head. "I'm so sorry," she choked out. It was the only true thing she could think to say.

Phlox just looked at her with his sad eyes. "If you'll give me a moment…," he said quietly. Hoshi nodded gently and stepped out of the office and out the sickbay doors. There was a pressure building in her chest; it was so heavy she thought it would burst out of her. She had to leave, had to get away from the feeling, the guilt, and somehow that had landed her here, in front of Masaro's door.

She rang the chime. As soon as the door opened she walked in, letting the door slide shut behind her. He seemed startled by her presence, but quickly broke into the huge grin Hoshi had come to associate him with.

"Can you believe it? Did you see what we did?"

Hoshi slapped him as hard as she could. "Don't you dare smile. If you have one ounce of humanity in you, you will wipe that grin off your face." Hoshi stepped away from him, slighty startled by her own reaction. "Do _you_ see what we did? We killed a baby – undoubtedly more than one." Her voice had gotten softer, "If you think that's a good thing than you're no better than the Xindi."

"What are you talking about? Isn't this what we wanted?"

"No, this is never what I wanted. This is your fault," Hoshi accused. "You work with Trip. How could you ever think what you were doing was okay?"

"I had second thoughts, remember?" he stammered, unnerved by Hoshi's hostile demeanor. "Before we did it… before **WE **did it, I asked you if you were sure. You said okay."

"That's because I was told we were sending mission report files!" she shouted. "If I had known what you had been told to do, I would have never agreed."

"After the Xindi?" Masaro shouted back, "We have to protect ourselves… from all of them, right?"

Hoshi just shook her head.

"RIGHT? Oh my god." He scrubbed his hands over his head. "Oh my god, what did I do?"

Masaro looked completely lost, and suddenly Hoshi remembered how young he really was, younger than her even. He had been fresh out of the academy when he had joined _Enterprise_, and his first experience was going after the Xindi. In fact, now that Hoshi thought about it, she remembered he was one of the many people injured in the Azati system. His leg had been injured by falling debris, and Hoshi had noticed he still had a slight limp.

Hoshi's face softened and she put her hand on his shoulder. "It's Samuel, right?" Masaro nodded his head. "Okay, listen, we both made mistakes; huge, terrible mistakes…"

"What do we do?" The man was close to tears now, and Hoshi regretted hitting him. He had been so naïve. All he needed was someone to tell him what he was doing was okay. Hoshi had been that person. It was as much her fault as it was his.

"You have two choices: you can tell the truth and or you can live with it. At this point, if we go to the Captain and tell him everything, it won't change a thing. What's done is done. The only thing telling anyone would fix is your conscience. I'm convinced it would do more harm than good. It would breed paranoia and distrust among the crew. This is something we need to deal with. It's our mess and we're going to keep it to ourselves."

Masaro nodded.

"If it helps at all, I understand why you did it… I was the same person six months ago."

Masaro nodded again. "You know, you should go."

Hoshi wanted to stay and make sure he was okay, but he was right. They really shouldn't be talking. She got up and walked to the door. "Sam, just… try not to think about it. Someday things will be back to normal whether we deserve it or not."

=/\=

**Present – On **_**Enterprise**_**May 30, 2155 (ATP)**

Archer sat down at the table with Trip, T'Pol, Hess, and Malcolm. "Okay, so how did this happen?" he demanded.

Hess bit her lip while she went through her PADDs. "Well, we went through all of the environmental controls and found a program that didn't belong there. It took us a while to dig it out, but here it is." She handed a PADD to Trip.

"This is a virus," he stated flatly.

"Yeah," she went on, "its only purpose was to do exactly what happened. Once it did, it shut itself down. We wiped it from the systems anyway, and this is the only copy of it left."

"How did it get on the ship in the first place?" Malcolm asked.

"It was uploaded onto a communal terminal somewhere on the ship."

Archer closed his eyes, "So it was one of our people."

"I'm afraid so, sir."

"I'm going to need the exact terminal it was up loaded onto," Malcolm demanded.

"We're working on that, sir, but it will take a few more hours before they find it." Malcolm nodded his head.

Hess chewed a bit on her lip before she continued, turning to Trip. "There's one more thing, Commander." She scrolled to the bottom of the PADD and pointed to something. "This is the author of the program."

Trip looked at the PADD then scowled, "Dammit." He shoved the PADD away from him.

"What is it Trip?" Archer asked.

"It's Terra Prime."

=/\=

**December 29, 2154 (BTP)**

"Minister?" Hoshi walked up to his table, tea in hand.

"Ensign Sato."

Hoshi nodded. "I wanted to apologize if I seemed dismissive of you earlier…"

Samuels shook his head, stopping her. "No, I'm sorry. I was in no position to question your judgment, regardless of what I thought of it. You know your people, this vessel… I'm a politician, and frankly I was looking out for the best interest of the conference. Sometimes things like that can blind you to other important details. Like experience."

Hoshi smiled softly and sat down next to him. "Speaking of which, are they proceeding with the conference?"

Samuel shook his head. "They're postponing it until things settle down."

Hoshi frowned. She had been afraid this would happen. "They really want to postpone the conference?"

Samuels grimaced. "Postpone is a diplomatic way of saying the conference is dead. Paxton's unnerved them, and there's not a lot I've been able to say to change their minds."

Hoshi's communicator chirped, startling her. "Excuse me, sir." She got up from the table and walked a few steps away. "Sato, go ahead."

"It's Archer. Are you with Samuels?"

"We're in the mess hall."

"Is Ensign Masaro there?"

Hoshi almost dropped the communicator as her heart leaped into her throat. They knew he was involved. If they talked to him, there was no doubt in Hoshi's mind that he would tell them about her too. "No, I don't see him, sir."

"We think Masaro may be working for Terra Prime." Hoshi shut her eyes, _Kuso*_.

"Samuels may be in danger. Reed and Mayweather are on their way."

If Masaro really was going after Samuels, Hoshi had to stop him. "Wait here, sir," she commanded hurriedly to Samuels.

As soon as she stepped out of the mess hall, she ran into Malcolm and Travis. "Samuels is in here. He's safe." They nodded and walked into the mess hall. Once the doors shut behind them, Hoshi practically sprinted down the hall. She had to find Masaro before anyone else did. She had to keep him from doing something stupid. Hoshi heard two men talking loudly only a short distance from where she was; she recognized them as the Captain and Masaro.

"Give me the phase pistol. That's an order," she heard the captain demand.

Oh god, he was going to shoot the Captain.

"I can't, sir."

"Ensign…"

Hoshi moved faster through the corridors.

"I wanted you to know I'm sorry. I believed in what we were doing. Tell my parents I'm sorry. I never wanted anyone to get hurt."

"Ensign!"

Hoshi rounded the corridor just in time to see Masaro put the phase pistol to his head.

"DON'T!" But she was too late. Hoshi heard the sound of an energy pulse and Masaro's body hit the floor with an awful thud.

She took a couple of steps towards him and then moved back unsure exactly what to do, but unable to take her eyes off of him. "Call Phlox," she gasped, her voice high and airy, nodding her head fervently. "Call Phlox."

Archer walked over to the body and bent down to feel for a pulse. "There's nothing we can do for him, Hoshi. He's gone."

Hoshi put a shaky hand against the wall, as if to anchor herself in reality. "Oh. Okay… ummm…" Hoshi took a deep breath. She felt like her thoughts couldn't connect. It was just one thought after another, _my fault…my fault… my fault._

"Hoshi…" Archer took her hand and gently led her away from the scene. "Come on."

Hoshi stopped abruptly after walking about halfway down the corridor. "I need to take a shower."

Archer looked at her sadly. "Okay."

He took her to her quarters, stopping outside her door. "Are you going to be all right?"

"I'll be… I'm fine." The captain didn't look convinced, but Hoshi didn't have the energy to try to persuade him. Then he nodded and walked back down the corridor.

Hoshi walked numbly into her room. She could feel her entire body humming and it was all she could do to keep herself upright, so she didn't. She dropped to the floor, sitting on her knees with her face in her hands.

Everything was gone.

Elizabeth was dead.

Masaro was dead.

If they ever found out…

Suddenly Hoshi couldn't get enough air. She pressed her hand to her chest, willing her lungs to fill. All she felt was the rapid beating of her heart. She clambered to the shower while gasping for breath. When she finally reached it, she let the water fall over her as she concentrated on her breathing. Her soaked clothes clung to her body, and she tore at them as if they were suffocating her. Once free of them, she could finally breathe. Hoshi's hands shook. What had she done? When she closed her eyes, the image of Masaro's lifeless body was the only thing she could see. Hoshi felt the pressure in her chest again, as it built it got more and more painful, begging for a release. But Hoshi was past crying. She was past sobbing, past screaming, past fighting. There was nothing.

As abruptly as she had gotten into the shower, she got out. Soaking wet with water still running down her body, she walked to her desk. Hoshi rifiled through the drawers in her desk until she found the only knife she owned. It had been a gift from her grandfather for one of her birthdays. The memory of that day seemed so far away now as Hoshi looked at the knife. It had a short ebony handle and her family's name engraved at the top of the short blade. She pulled it smoothly out of its leather sheath. She had never used it before; she only kept it as a keepsake of someone she loved. Hoshi sat down heavily on the floor. She put the blade of the knife against the inside of her thigh and closed her eyes.

This was what she deserved, wasn't it?

After everything that had happened?

After everything she had done?

Maybe Masaro had been right, maybe this was the only answer. A life for a life. She put more pressure on the hilt and bit her lip. All she had to do was drag her hand up and it would be over. She would never be able to hurt anyone again. She could end it here.

The option alone enabled her to take a deep breath.

She dropped the knife and rubbed her hands across her face. How had everything gotten this crazy? She sat and stared intently at the blade. If she did this, it would make her more of a coward than she already was. She would be running from the mess she had made, leaving everyone else around her to pick up the pieces. It was an option, but it was the wrong decision.

Hoshi picked up the sheath from the floor and slipped the knife back into it. Then she put the knife back in its drawer where it belonged.

No, she would deal with this.

Even if she couldn't fix what she had done, she could endure the consequences. Hoshi wasn't sure how, she would find a way to make this right.

=/\=

**TBC**

*S.W.L.S. - Ship-wide life signs

*Kuso- A Japanese curse. (I just couldn't think of an English curse word that would have sounded right coming out of Hoshi's mouth.)


	18. Chapter 16

Title: Mistakes

Author: Auroraborealis

Rating: This chapter is PG I'm not positive what the other chapters are going to be like.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the star trek characters or anything.

Summary: AU. What if Hoshi had a hand in what happened with Terra Prime? How would it affect her and her relationships with people on the ship?

Spoilers: Terra Prime, Marauders, Affliction, Divergence

A/N- Thank you so much to my beta, Dinah. This and every chapter after this will be in the present. We're getting closer and closer to the end. I hope everyone enjoys reading as much as I've enjoyed writing it.

**Chapter 16**

=/\=

**Present – On **_**Enterprise**_**May 31, 2155**

When Malcolm woke up, Hoshi was still asleep. He smiled; she never looked more peaceful than when she was asleep. Malcolm pushed a stray piece of hair off her face, and Hoshi stretched as she woke up. Even with her eyes still closed, her smile lit up the rest of her face.

"Good morning, love."

Hoshi pulled him closer to her, smiling even wider. "Good morning." Malcolm felt her hands travel down his back. "You know I think I know the perfect way to start our day off." Her eyes were open now. She kissed him lightly on his lips then moved her way down his chest to the place over to his heart where she laid her head.

"That sounds like an excellent idea, but with the new information on the virus, I need to get started on the investigation."

Hoshi sat up suddenly. "I still can't believe it." She shook her head. "Have you talked to Trip yet?"

"No, but we're supposed to have lunch today."

Hoshi nodded. "I'll look through all of the recent transmissions to see if I find anything."

"Tell me if you do."

"Of course… are we still having dinner tonight?"

Malcolm scooted to the side of the bed and slid on his blues before he got up. "Absolutely, until then however…" He turned back around, kissing her one more time before he got up. "I need to take a shower." The smile that rested on his face faded the further away he got from her.

Hoshi wasn't the only one who couldn't believe what happened last night. It always seemed that when everything was going right, something went wrong. Malcolm shook his head as he turned on the water. The thing that troubled him most was that it had to be someone on Enterprise who had planted the virus, which meant there was still at least one member of Terra Prime onboard.

The worst part about this whole thing was that Starfleet had all but stuck their heads in the sand about Terra Prime. Marshall had told him that there had been next to no government movement against the organization. They simply didn't see them for the threat they were – the threat Malcolm knew they could become.

Malcolm turned on the shower and stepped in. He closed his eyes under the hot water and ran his hands over his short hair. He heard the shower door open, then felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist.

"I thought you could use some company."

Malcolm opened his eyes and turned around in the embrace so that they were facing, droplets of water clung to Hoshi's semi-dry hair. "Have I ever told you how beautiful you look wet?"

Hoshi smiled.

"Or dry," Malcolm added. Hoshi's eyes sparkled with the thing he loved to see most: Peace.

This Hoshi was so different from the Hoshi that came back after the Xindi. This Hoshi was light, warm, and quick to laugh. Malcolm kissed her again. He honestly couldn't imagine what his life would be like right now without her, and he really didn't feel like giving much thought to it. If anything ever happened to her, Malcolm didn't know what he would do—actually that was a lie, he knew exactly what he would do and it was safe to say it wouldn't be pleasant for whoever was responsible.

Malcolm suddenly understood exactly how Trip felt. Someone had attacked him in his home. More so than that, they had attacked Trip's companion, his confidant, his soul, his love. Malcolm could feel the anger Trip must have felt at whoever did this. And then the anger wasn't just Trip's—it was his too. And if he ever found who was responsible he knew he would react as if it had been an action against him personally. Whoever was responsible for this would regret more than their mistake; they would regret their existence.

=/\=

Malcolm had been just about ready to leave his office for lunch when he heard the door indicator beep. He put away the PADD he had been working on just as Hess walked in the door. "Lieutenant Hess, what can I do for you?"

"Actually, I've narrowed down the time that the virus was uploaded and what terminal it was uploaded onto." She was talking so fast Malcolm had to go back over everything she had just said in his head. "You said you wanted the report as soon as possible, so I thought I would deliver it to you personally."

"I appreciate it, Lieutenant, thank you."

"No problem, sir."

"Lieutenant Hess, have you slept recently?"

She looked down at her hands, fidgeting nervously with her fingers. "I want to find whoever did this as soon as possible."

Malcolm nodded.

"Well that's it. If you could return the favor by telling me when you find something, that'd be great."

"That shouldn't be a problem."

"Trip is kinda like a brother to me – well, I guess to everyone in engineering. Half the deck crew's gunna be out for blood if we ever find the son of a bitch…" Hess seemed slightly embarrassed at letting the curse slip. "…excuse me sir… if we ever find out who did this."

Malcolm only nodded again. Although he felt the same way, he didn't think it wise to broadcast his more violent feelings.

"I'll see you around, sir."

"Thank you again, Lieutenant." Malcolm stopped her as she walked out the door. "And Hess, take a nap or something. You'll function better."

She left and Malcolm scanned the list but no one stuck out to him. Everyone on the list had a legitimate reason associated with their job to access that terminal. He would show it to Trip to see if anyone stuck out to him.

Malcolm walked out of his office and down the corridors to the mess hall. When he got there, Trip was already waiting for him. They got their food and sat down. "Are you feeling all right, after what happened?"

"Yeah, the Doc says we're fine. Honestly, I think T'Pol might be more spooked than I am."

Malcolm took a quick bite of his mashed potatoes, than handed Trip the PADD Hess had given him. "Hess came by to see me. She identified the terminal and this is the list of names she got. None of the names really pop out at me. I was thinking maybe you could take a look at it."

Trip scanned the PADD then set it on the table, shaking his head. "No, everyone on that list had a good reason to use that terminal."

"My thoughts exactly." Malcolm took another bite of his food. "What's really bothering me is why. After all this time, what does Terra Prime want with you?"

Trip shook his head, "Well I don't think it's exactly a coincidence that right when T'Pol and I decide to get married, Terra Prime shows up again." He shrugged. "The only problem with that theory is that no one knew about that except the Captain and you." Trip took a swig of his drink. "Unless, of course, you told someone," he added off-handedly.

Malcolm's fork stopped raking through his potatoes briefly. He had told one person but… Malcolm shook his head. Trip shrugged his shoulders and forked another bite of rice into his mouth. "I really don't know how they could have found out, but I don't think it was random. I just hate to think that there's another Masaro on the ship."

"I agree, but I feel I'd be hard pressed to find another explanation." Trip's already somber mood seemed to fall a step lower.

Malcolm put a hand on his friend's arm. "Listen Trip, you have the ship's support. Whoever it was, we'll find them. I can promise you that."

Trip gave his friend a short smile and looked at the chronometer on the wall. "Thanks Mal. I need to catch up on a few things, but I'll see you later. Tell me if you find anything."

"Of course."

As soon as Trip left, Malcolm threw away the remainder of his half eaten food and walked back to his office.

Hoshi's name had been on the list.

It didn't mean anything. She, like everyone else, had a perfectly legitimate reason to use the terminal. Still, Malcolm couldn't help the overwhelming sense of déjà vu.

=/\=

Archer looked up from his PADD as Trip walked into his quarters. As he looked at Trip, Archer saw a tired man. Where was the man who always smiled? he thought to himself. _Probably the same place the optimistic explorer went, _Archer thought cynically, _lost somewhere along the way._ It just didn't seem fair that so much had happened to Trip. Archer had the distinct feeling that if he was in Trip's shoes, he would have given up a long time ago. But Trip had limits too. And that's why he was standing here in Archer's office. Because it was his responsibility to make sure this wasn't the tipping point for his friend.

"So how are you doing?"

Trip shrugged his shoulders. "What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to talk to me, Trip." Both men were silent until the captain went on. "Honestly, I feel responsible for what happened." Archer got up from his desk chair and sat on the bed. "You should feel safe on this ship; everyone should feel safe on this ship. It's your home, but I could see how this attack might be the last straw. I guess what I'm asking is…"

Trip looked at him expectantly.

"Well, Trip, am I going to lose the best engineer Starfleet has?"

Trip looked taken aback. "Really?" he almost laughed. "It's going to take more than that to get rid of me."

Archer smiled and Trip smiled back, but it quickly faded. "Honestly, Jon, I can't say I haven't thought about it. But where would T'Pol and I go? Earth? Vulcan?" Trip shook his head. "This is where we belong."

"You know, after this mission, Malcolm and Hoshi are transferring off the ship."

Trip looked utterly surprised. "Really? Malcolm hasn't said a word to me about it. Are you sure they want to go? I mean Malcolm?"

Archer nodded his head. "It was his idea. He and Hoshi want to move to Earth and get nice stable jobs."

Trip sat down in the chair next to him. "Wow, I never thought I would see the day Malcolm Reed…" he trailed off.

Archer rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Do you ever think we're getting too old for this?" Archer made a motion around the cabin. "Maybe we should leave the exploring to the bright eyed and bushytailed?"

Trip made a face. "Speak for yourself, old man. I'm going to be doing this for the next twenty years."

Archer couldn't help but laugh. "Well I guess that means you'll be around for as long as I need you."

"I'll be around as long as you'll have me… you know that, Jon."

A contented smile spread across Archer's face. "Good." He motioned to the chair sitting across from him; Trip walked over and sat down. "So really, how are you and T'Pol doing?"

"Well it's like I told Mal. T'Pol seems more unsettled by the attack than I am. There's something she's worried about that she's not telling me and I can't read her."

Archer nodded.

"She always tells me eventually though; it's just kind of a game of wait and see."

"And what about the wedding?"

"I don't think I've ever been more excited about something in my life." Trip grinned; the one that stemmed from true happyness. "It's almost unbelievable that it's going to happen in five days."

"It took you guys long enough."

Trip laughed. "That's what Malcolm said."

"I can't believe that we're almost done with this mission. The time just flew by, and I've really gotten to know a couple of the colonists."

"Who?"

"Tessic and his brother."

"You know, I've gotten pretty close to that kid."

"Q'ell?"

Trip nodded his head.

"He's not really a kid anymore, Trip."

"I know, and he's smarter than a ship full of quantum physicists. I mean the kid's really bright."

"I've noticed you spending some time with him here and there."

"Yeah, I've been showing him the engines and stuff in more detail. He's picked it up pretty fast."

A silence fell between them momentarily.

"Oh, before I forget, are you wearing a tux to the wedding?"

Trip gave him a weird look but nodded. "Yeah."

Archer opened his desk drawer and tossed him a small box. Trip caught it without a second thought.

"What's this?"

"Open it."

Trip broke into a goofy smile. "Ah, Cap'n, I thought you'd never ask. You're a little late though."

Archer laughed. "Just open the damn box."

Trip opened the small box and looked inside, saying nothing.

"You do know what cuff links are, don't you?"

"Yeah. Geez, Jon… I don't think I can…."

"They were my father's. He wore them when he married my mother. I want you to have them."

"These should stay in your family."

"You are my family, Trip, and we both know I'm not going to tie the knot anytime soon."

"But…"

"Just think of it as a wedding present."

Trip nodded. "These are great, Jon."

"No problem, Trip."

Trip looked at his watch. "I really should get back to engineering."

Archer nodded his head, as Trip got up to leave, slipping the box into his pocket.

"And Jon…" Archer turned to face him. "I'm not going anywhere."

Archer smiled. "Thanks, Trip."

As Trip left the room, Archer couldn't help but think maybe this was a new beginning for Trip. Maybe after the wedding, everything that had happened would be a memory.

=/\=

When Malcolm finally reached his office, he couldn't bring himself to get any work done. He had been staring at his blank computer for half an hour when he finally turned it on. Hoshi would never have anything to do with what happened last night.

But still…

Malcolm couldn't shake the feeling in his gut. Reluctantly, he pulled out the old PADDs from the first Terra Prime incident. He had never found who the second person had been. Even though the case had officially been closed, Malcolm had never truly believed that Masaro was capable of hiding the data streams in the transmissions as masterfully as they had. He had to have had help.

And the only person on the ship capable of that was… _Hoshi_.

But there was no evidence, and _she would never do that_. He took a deep breath. She also had the skills required to hide, decrypt and plant a virus of this complexity without anyone noticing. Malcolm scrubbed his hands across his face. It would be unethical to ignore this, despite his feelings towards the situation. _After all,_ he thought,_ I ignored it once already_. Malcolm tapped into the ship's communications and opened Hoshi's personal communication's history.

If she ever knew that he was actually investigating her, she would never forgive him. He wouldn't blame her either; this was so… wrong. Malcolm paused for a moment before he continued. Here it was, the moment of truth. He ran a search for a tag associated with the virus.

….

Nothing.

Malcolm let out a breath. Then shook his head. She wouldn't have made it that easy. _If she's even involved_, he reminded himself. Malcolm thought for a moment then set up a new, more refined search.

...

One document came up.

Malcolm closed his eyes.

He remembered that moment. The one moment he had let slip by. The first time he had thought, maybe, somehow, Hoshi had been involved in Terra Prime. He remembered how he had dismissed the thought. No, it couldn't be her. It wasn't her. It was Hoshi for god's sake. But faced with the indication again, there was no way he could let it go. And deep inside himself he knew. In that single moment he was torn between what he felt – it couldn't be her – and what he knew – it had to be her.

She had deleted the message, but the remnants were still there and there was no denying that it was the source of the virus.

Malcolm closed his eyes. There was only one more thing to do. He had to ask her

=/\=

Malcolm cursed under his breath as he walked to her quarters.

He still couldn't believe it.

This couldn't be right.

He felt like his head was spinning. How could this be happening? How could Hoshi have anything to do with this? Before Malcolm entered her quarters, (Their quarters? Is Malcolm living with her now?) he paced a few times. It was all he could do not to strike the bulkhead with every ounce of anger he had coursing through him. He took a deep breath. _If I had paid attention the first time, Trip wouldn't have almost died._ All of the anger rushed out of him. Hoshi wouldn't try to kill Trip, would she?

Malcolm walked into their quarters and sat down on the bed. He ran his hands through his hair. Hoshi walked out of the bathroom in her bathrobe, her hair still wet from her shower. She smiled when she saw him. When he stood up, it seemed she could immediately tell something wasn't right. Malcolm could feel himself tense as she reached out to stroke his face.

"What happened?" she asked soothingly.

Malcolm flinched and grabbed her wrists before she could touch him. "No." He shook his head.

Hoshi looked confused. "Malcolm, what's wrong?" She tried again.

Malcolm's jaw clenched and unclenched.

He looked deep into her eyes like he was searching for something. "Hoshi, who gave the DNA to Terra Prime?" he asked.

He watched as all the color drained out of her face. "What?" Hoshi's voice shook as she tried to pull her wrists away, but he held his grip almost painfully tight.

It was her.

He knew

Fear swelled within her, numbing her body. Everything she had now was going to be destroyed; everyone she loved would hate her. Malcolm would think she was a monster. Why had she ever thought that this would just go away? What had ever made her believe that there would be no consequences for what she had done?

"Who gave the DNA to Terra Prime?" he asked again more forcefully.

Hoshi opened her mouth then closed it again; tears filled her eyes.

"I did," she barely whispered. Malcolm searched her face, and his grip on her arms seemed to get tighter still. Abruptly, he threw her arms away from him with such force that she stumbled backward, landing in a heap on the floor.

When Hoshi looked up at Malcolm, it was the only time she had ever felt afraid of him. His entire body seemed to be vibrating with barely contained rage. The thing that frightened her most, though, was his face; it had become twisted with an intense fury. As he took a step towards her, Hoshi flinched backwards. "Malcolm..?" she gasped as she held up her hands to protect herself from a blow she swore would come. Malcolm's face turned to something close to shock. He took three quick steps backward, bumping into the deckchair, then turned around, leaning heavily on the desk in front of him. Hoshi heard him take a deep calming breath then he turned back around. The expression on his face had changed to the cold mask that was his face so long ago. It was as if nothing had happened between them. He went to the closet and pulled a clean uniform and undergarments from the shelves, then tossed them at Hoshi's feet. "Get dressed," he calmly ordered.

"Malcolm… I'm so sorry…"

"Ensign Sato, you are under arrest for aiding and abetting a terrorist organization, sabotage, accessory to murder in the third degree, and the attempted murders of Commanders Tucker and T'Pol."

"Attempted murder?"

"Just get dressed, or I'll take you there the way you are."

"Malcolm, please just let me explain…"

"Explain what?" he demanded flatly

"I was different then. I… I was afraid."

"You were different?" he shouted. The anger that had left seemed to have returned. "How do you explain last night? You tried to kill them for god's sake.

"You think I did that?" Tears were now flowing freely down her face. "Malcolm, I would never…"

"I found the virus in your personal communications," he roared.

Hoshi looked like the wind had been knocked out of her. "What… I didn't…"

"Stop it." It was more a plea than a command. Malcolm suddenly looked defeated. "Just stop it. Get dressed. We're finished talking."

=/\=

As Malcolm stepped out of the brig he took a deep breath. His world had suddenly been thrown so far off kilter, his anchor had been cut. As he finished typing the lock code into the system, the security he had called for came.

"Sir? Who's in the brig?"

"Did you tell anyone where you were going?"

The man shook his head.

"All right, you are officially under orders not to speak about the situation at hand with anyone. Is that understood?"

The guard gave him an odd look but nodded again, "Who's in the brig, sir?"

Malcolm walked to a comm. panel and called the bridge, "Captain, could you call me from the ready room? It's important"

"Just a moment." A moment later the Captain's voice returned to the speaker. "What is it, Malcolm?"

"Sir, there's been a development in the investigation of the virus. Trip, T'Pol, you, and I should discuss it immediately."

There was a pause on the other end. "All right, I'll call them to the briefing room right now. What do you have?"

"I'd rather tell you in person."

"All right, I'll meet you there."

Malcolm cut the channel and turned back around to face the guard.

"No one in or out, understood?"

"Yes, sir, but who…"

"Ensign Sato."

=/\=

"Are you sure… I mean…" Archer still couldn't believe what he'd heard.

"The evidence is there, sir, and she admitted to being an accomplice to the first incident."

The Captain shook his head. "How did this happen? This is Hoshi for God's sake. How could she do something like this?"

"We didn't question Masaro's motives; I suggest we treat Ensign Sato the same way." The ice in Malcolm's voice almost gave Archer chills. He couldn't remember a time he had been angrier at anyone, but what truly fuelled the anger was sorrow.

The Hoshi he had dragged onto the ship kicking and screaming all those years ago was so upset about the slug she had found dying that the ship had had to look for a suitable planet for the creature for days. How could they be talking about the same person? How could that person also have been responsible for all the pain Trip and T'Pol had endured? She had stood with them at their funeral. She had looked like it had been her own child who was in that coffin. How could that be the same person? "Malcolm I need you to be absolutely sure about this."

"She confessed, sir. She confessed to being involved with Terra Prime. I have evidence of the virus in her personal communications. She accessed the terminal it was uploaded onto. With all due respect sir, what more do you need?"

Archer was silent for a moment, "Why would she confess to being involved in the first incident but then not this?"

"Honestly? The penalty for attempted murder is much harsher that aiding a terrorist organization. If she confessed to this now, she wouldn't have a chance at getting a lower sentence."

Archer suddenly noticed that neither Trip nor T'Pol had said anything the entire meeting. "Trip, are you all right?"

Trip didn't answer. He just sat in his chair staring at a nondescript section of the wall. Finally he shifted in his seat. "I need to talk to her." The hoarseness in Trip's voice wasn't something that Archer was accustomed to; it seemed so out of place coming out of Trip's mouth. There was a brokenness to it that just didn't match the man. T'Pol reached over, taking Trip's hand. The overt show of affection was out of character, too, but this was a situation unlike any other.

"Are you sure that's a good idea, Trip?" Archer cautioned, "I don't even know how I feel right now. I can't begin to imagine how confused you must be."

"I'm not confused," Trip replied stonily. "I just need to know why."

=/\=

**TBC**


	19. Chapter 17

Title: Mistakes

Author: Auroraborealis

Rating: This chapter is PG I'm not positive what the other chapters are going to be like.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the star trek characters or anything.

Summary: AU. What if Hoshi had a hand in what happened with Terra Prime? How would it affect her and her relationships with people on the ship?

Spoilers: Terra Prime, Marauders, Affliction, Divergence

A/N- Thank you so much to my beta, Dinah. I finally got my computer data back. There are only two chapters left after this. So thank you for your patience. The end is near.

**Chapter 17**

**=/\=**

**Present – On **_**Enterprise**_** June 3****, 2155**

Trip sat on the edge of his bed, his hands clutching the edges of the mattress. There was something inside of him, something he felt, but he didn't know what it was. He didn't know how to make it go away.

And it hurt.

He had gone to see Hoshi and when he had gotten there, she looked as confused as he was. She hadn't even looked up when he entered the brig; she just stared at her feet until he had left. And he had left— without an angry word spoken towards her. No matter how badly he wanted someone to blame, wanted someone to unleash this…thing onto, all he saw was Hoshi. He didn't see a person who had been working with Terra Prime. He saw his friend, and she was sad. And the longer he stood there the less he believed that Malcolm was right.

How could he be? Trip only saw Hoshi.

Not a murderer.

Not a fanatic.

Only Hoshi.

So he had left. And here he was—and he still had the feeling. His mouth was dry, and his brain was fuzzy, and his chest was full of cement. And all he could do was sit here with this feeling, clutching the mattress, because the person who was responsible wasn't even real.

Trip took a deep breath just as T'Pol walked in the door. She paused for a moment before entering her quarters. "You seem troubled."

"Aren't you?"

"Nothing would come from that response."

Trip glanced at her then squinted his eyes shut. "Of course not."

Trip knew the response was brash as soon as it left his mouth. He rubbed his hands over his face. "I'm sorry."

"No, I am sorry. I know that you are feeling disjointed by what has happened. I am not being sensitive to that."

"I don't know what I'm feeling—I just—I don't know. I went to see her today and I just... I couldn't see her for the things she's done. "

T'Pol sat down next to him on and took his hand. "You need to come to terms with what Ensign Sato has done. Otherwise I fear you will not be able to let go."

"But she's our friend."

T'Pol shook her head, "No. If I could change events I would, but that is not possible."

"And it's not your responsibility."

T'Pol gently stroked a hand across his face, "So much hurt has come to you…"

"And you too…none of this is your fault T'Pol."

"But it is."

Trip couldn't help but give her an incredulous look.

"I am the alien. I am who Terra Prime hates. Everything that has happened to you has been because of your connection to me."

"That's ridiculous. You can't blame yourself…"

"I don't blame myself for what's happened but I do recognize that I am the cause. If you were with a human female…"

"Well, unless you've suddenly changed species I don't want to be with a human female." Trip gave her a small sad smile in an attempt to lighten the tension between them. It didn't seem to work as T'Pol turned away, breaking the contact between them.

She let her hands drop to her lap. "I can't accept that I am putting you in danger by us being together." She faced him again, this time her face was marked with worry, her Vulcan mask slipping, "I cannot accept that an outcome of our relationship could be that I lose you."

With every word T'Pol spoke, Trip found a sick familiarity in the conversation, "What are you saying?" He knew how this conversation was going to end. It had happened so many times before. He shook his head.

"I love you." T'Pol put her hand to Trip's face, sending electricity through his body. "I love you but I cannot marry you."

Trip grabbed her hand. "Don't do this," he had meant for it to be more of a request, but instead it came out a tired statement.

"There is a high probability that our marriage will provoke another attack. I do not believe I could bear the consequences if they took you from me."

Trip got up from the bed, putting distance between him and her. "You're leaving."

T'Pol nodded her head solumly, "I'm leaving the _Enterprise_, yes, but I have neither the desire or the intention of leaving you." Her fingers ideally stroked the ring on her finger, although T'Pol seemed to be unawear of the motion."When I return, my feelings for you will not have changed. Reguardless of the marriage ceremony, you are my bond mate, my ashalveh."

"Then stay. I need you here with me now… not six months from now."

"I can't see more hurt come to you because of me. This is the only way that I know to do this." T'Pol walked over to Trip and took his hands in hers, gently squeezing them. "The Vulcan transport will arrive in five days; I will leave with them then."

"Nothing I can say will change your mind?"

"This is the best option, Trip."

Trip pulled his hands from her grasp, "Alright. Leave then. I'm done fighting to keep you with me."

"I was hoping to leave on better terms."

"Well that was kind of a pie-in-the-sky idea, now wasn't it? What did you think would happen? I'd be happy?" Trip tapped his head, "As connected as we are there are still times when you don't make a damn bit of sense." He walked past T'Pol to the door.

"Trip…"

"I told you I'm done fighting. I'll leave you alone," he said as he walked out. "I'm sure you have some packing to do."

=/\=

**Present – On **_**Enterprise**_**June 4, 2155**

Hoshi heard the doors to her cell open, but she couldn't find any reason to actually look and see who it was. Hoshi hadn't stopped feeling numb since she first got here. Her body wasn't the only thing that felt numb though; her mouth felt like it had no purpose and her ears felt deaf to everything except the constant buzzing of the silence. She felt detached from her body, just floating through time.

She saw the moment over and over again – relived it in her head.

Mostly she saw Malcolm's face. In all the years she had known him, she had never seen him look like that. Had that been the part of himself he had tried so hard to hide? Had Malcolm been so afraid that Hoshi would see his monster, that he had been blind to hers?

"Hoshi?" She looked up towards the voice, confused at what had pulled her away from her silence.

It was Phlox.

"The guard told me that you've been sick."

"What?" Then Hoshi remembered. The only things that had felt real since she'd been put here were the overwhelming bouts of nausea. "Oh… yeah, twice."

Phlox nodded.

"But I don't think it has anything to do with my stomach."

Phlox nodded again, "I thought as much."

He loaded a hypo and pushed it against Hoshi's neck. Almost instantly, the nervous buzzing through her body stopped and her shoulders relaxed.

"Just to be sure though..." Phlox ran a scanner over her. "It doesn't look like you have a fever. Have you eaten anything?"

Hoshi swam through her fuzzy thoughts, then looked over to the tray of uneaten food. She shook her head.

"Have you slept at all?"

She shook her head again. "No."

Phlox's eyebrows furrowed with concern. "Do you know what today is?"

Hoshi gave him a strange look. "Why are you here?"

"Because I'm your friend, Hoshi."

Hoshi was startled as a very inappropriate laugh bubbled out of her mouth. "You know why I'm in the brig right?"

"Yes, I'm perfectly aware of the matter."

"Then why are you here?"

"Because I know you. I know what you went though with the Xindi. I know what kind of person you are, despite what you may have done. People aren't always defined by the mistakes they make." Phlox took Hoshi's hand.

As soon as he made contact, a shock ran through her body, tearing though the haze. Suddenly Hoshi's senses were back online. And she ached.

"They know," she gasped. Phlox nodded as Hoshi clutched his hand tighter, not wanting to let go of the warmth.

Silent tears trickled out of Hoshi's eyes until she closed them and began to cry. Phlox pulled her into a familial embrace as she began to sob harder. He held her, rocking her back and forth as he would an infant, until the long harsh sobs turned into short breathy whimpers.

"They hate me," Hoshi whispered.

Phlox nodded, but still held her. "You did a terrible thing— but they will heal and you will heal and someday this will be the past."

Hoshi nodded again. She pulled herself away from him, and Phlox squeezed her hand before he let go.

He motioned to the tray in the corner of the cell. "I want you to eat that, and then get some sleep. I'll come and check on you again tomorrow."

Hoshi nodded again as he turned to leave. "Wait…"

Phlox turned back around.

"I know what I did. But I didn't… I didn't try to kill Trip and T'Pol. I just wanted you to know that."

Phlox stood silently for a moment. "I believe you," he said simply before he turned back and walked out the door.

Hoshi felt a wave of relief fall over her at the statement. She watched him leave and then sat down next to the tray. She looked at it for a moment, then spooned a bite of cold mashed potatoes in her mouth. _Thank you_.

=/\=

Phlox wasn't really surprised when he saw Malcolm walk through the doors of the sickbay.

"I'm sorry to bother you so late, Doctor."

Phlox looked over to the clock; it was almost 2300. Which reminded him, he needed to feed his bat. "It's no trouble, Mr. Reed. What can I do for you?" Phlox motioned for Malcolm to sit on the exam table.

"It's nothing; I've just had some trouble sleeping lately."

Phlox nodded his head. Malcolm was wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants and his hair was still damp with sweat from his workout. He'd obviously just tried to exercise himself to sleep, which apparently wasn't working. "How long has this been going on?"

"About three days now I think."

"Have you been sleeping, at all?"

"Around five hours."

"A night?"

"That's more of a total."

"I really wish you would be more attentive to your body's needs, Mr. Reed. You should have come to me yesterday." He motioned to the sickbed, which Malcolm got onto without complaint.

"This will help you tonight," he said gently as he loaded the hypo, "but unless you address the root of the problem, I'm afraid you'll be back tomorrow."

Malcolm glanced at the Doctor cautiously, obviously not wanting to broach this particular subject, "There isn't a problem."

Phlox sighed, "Although I spend the majority of my time in the sickbay, Mr. Reed, it doesn't mean I'm not familiar with the goings-on of the ship."

Malcolm didn't respond.

"Anything you tell me is in complete confidence."

"I'd really rather just have the sedative."

"Have you spoken to Hoshi?" Phlox asked as he set the hypo on the table beside them.

"What do you mean exactly?" Malcolm asked irritably, "Have I sat down with her and had a friendly chat? No."

"You and she were close."

"Phlox, I know you were her friend, but you can't afford to let your feelings blind you to what she did."

"You don't feel that way?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you feel responsible?"

Malcolm's already tense face went stonily cold. "Alright," he clipped out, "what is it, Doctor, that I'm supposed to talk to her about…? How she betrayed her friends? Her duty? This ship?" With every sentence Malcolm's voice got harsher and he talked faster. "How she tried to kill a man she claims is her friend? And his wife?" By now Malcolm was very much in Phlox's personal space, his words more of an angry jumble than anything else. "She facilitated the death of an unknown number of helpless children! And I let it happen!"

Phlox lay a hand on Malcolm's arm. "You can't hold yourself responsible for her actions."

Malcolm swatted away the contact. "Don't tell me that. If I had been thinking… If I had paid attention… "

"Nothing would have changed…have you thought that perhaps you're too close to this investigation?"

"It's my responsibility!" Malcolm pointed a finger at Phlox. "That woman is a snake," he growled, "and I'm bloody well tired of everyone tiptoeing around it. So to answer your question, Doctor, no. I have not spoken with Ensign Sato since her arrest; nor do I have any intention of doing so." Malcolm got off the sickbed and picked up the hypo, pressing it to his neck, "If that is the only advice you have for me I would suggest you keep it to yourself." With that Malcolm, turned and walked out of the sickbay.

Phlox stood silently for a moment, then went to feed his bat. He couldn't block the overwhelming since of helplessness this entire situation had about it. He could ease Hoshi's demons, but it in no way took back her actions or absolved her of her crimes. He could counsel Malcolm, but that didn't mean it qualm the hate he felt for a person he had so recently loved. He could console Trip in T'Pol for the loss of their child and of their friend, but it wouldn't put things right. I had been so long since he could do nothing, and he was neither familiar nor appreciative of the feeling. It seemed that as life went on, the only things he could truly protect and care for fully were his pets, not his friends.

=/\=

**Present – On **_**Enterprise**_**June 5, 2155**

Malcolm stared at the door to the brig before nodding to the crewman guarding it. "Leave us alone."

"Sir?"

"It's all right. I'll comm you when we're finished."

Malcolm wasn't quite sure why he was doing this. It certainly wasn't because he felt Hoshi had any right to it. Perhaps it was guilt for the way he had treated the doctor the night before that had compelled Malcolm to heed Phlox's advice. He had of course apologized, but there was no excuse for the way he had reacted. Malcolm took a chair from the observation room and, unlocking the door to the brig, walked into Hoshi's cell.

Hoshi stood up when he walked in. As he set the chair down, he turned to look at Hoshi. She was standing near the back of the cell. As soon as he took a step towards her, Hoshi's hands went up in surrender. "Malcolm…"

After a moment, Malcolm registered the look as fear. He felt shocked for a moment, then regained himself.

"I'm not… sit down, Ensign."

Malcolm took a seat in front of her and saw that she seemed to relax at Malcolm's reassurance. Without his consent, images of her smile, her scent, suddenly seeped though his memory. Malcolm made himself focus. Now that he was here he couldn't remember what he had wanted to say.

"I didn't try to kill them, Malcolm," Hoshi said softly, reminding Malcolm of the point of this conversation.

"Oh, it was an accident then." Hoshi flinched at the sarcasm in his tone.

"No, Malcolm. Just… please, just listen. I know what I did and know what I deserve. I won't dispute any of the other claims against me. I'm guilty of all of them. Just hand me over to Starfleet for my sentence."

Malcolm folded his arms across his chest, "Where are you going with this?"

"You have to believe me. I didn't try to kill Trip or T'Pol."

"I don't." Malcolm replied simply shrugging his shoulders dismissively.

Hoshi rubbed her face with her hands. "Fine, then go over the evidence. There has to be something that doesn't fit. Do you really think I'm capable of killing my friends?"

"You're not their friend." Malcolm met Hoshi's gaze. "And frankly, I have no idea what you're capable of."

Hoshi's eye's brimmed with tears, but reather than let them fall, she seemed to center herself, concentrating on making her point, "Malcolm, if I didn't do it, then there is still someone on the ship who wants to hurt them."

Malcolm looked at Hoshi, but he felt like he couldn't see her. He didn't know if she was lying. He couldn't tell if she was trying to manipulate him. His gaze was caught by dark shadows on Hoshi's wrists, marks Malcolm had left. Malcolm closed his eyes. Phlox had been right. He had lost control.

He was so close to this, he was blind.

"Malcolm, please," Hoshi begged, pulling Malcolm from his thoughts.

Abruptly, he stood up and turned around, taking his chair with him. He relocked the door and called the guard back.

"We're done here."

=/\=

**Present – On **_**Enterprise**_**June 7, 2155**

Malcolm straightened his shoulders before he pushed the door indicator. As it slid open Malcolm saw the Captain sitting behind his desk.

"What can I help you with, Malcolm; does this have to do with Hoshi?"

Malcolm nodded." Sir, I've been considering and I believe someone else should take over the investigation."

Archer looked surprised, but seemed to get over it quickly, obviously understanding. "Because of your personal relationship?"

Malcolm nodded his head. "I can't be certain that my feelings about her won't color the outcome of this investigation."

Archer shifted in his seat. "If you're worried about ignoring information that could condemn her, I think you've already proven that isn't an issue."

"Sir, I'm more worried about ignoring information that may exonerate her."

Archer's eyebrows furrowed together.

"Ensign Sato still denies that she was connected to the recent attack on Trip and T'Pol. I'm concerned that my feelings towards Ensign Sato may make me less sensitive to information that may back her claim. If I was to do so and there was someone else on board who was responsible, Commanders Tucker and T'Pol could still be in danger, and that's unacceptable."

Archer thought for a moment, then nodded. "That seems reasonable. I'll assign Lieutenant Marks to cover the investigation."

Malcolm shook his head. "With all due respect, sir, I don't think anyone onboard the ship is free of some sort of bias towards Ensign Sato. With a ship this small, everyone has known everyone since they've come aboard."

"Well, what do you suggest, then?"

"We need an outside party. I've taken the liberty of contacting Lieutenant Commander Clemons from the _Columbia. _She's young, but she's brilliant. I would equate her as the Security Department's version of Commander Tucker."

Archer thought about it for a moment. "All right, I'll contact Captain Hernandez. If she's okay with letting us borrow her personnel and making the trip out here, I think it's a good idea."

"There's one more thing, sir. _Columbia_ is already going to be out here." Malcolm handed Archer the PADD he had been holding. "I've requested a transfer. They're taking me back to Earth."

=/\=

TBC


	20. Chapter 18

Title: Mistakes

Author: Auroraborealis

Rating: This chapter is PG I'm not positive what the other chapters are going to be like.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the star trek characters or anything.

Summary: AU. What if Hoshi had a hand in what happened with Terra Prime? How would it affect her and her relationships with people on the ship?

Spoilers: Terra Prime, Marauders, Affliction, Divergence

A/N- Thank you so much to my beta, Dinah. I'm sorry this chapter took so incredibly long. I had the most massive episode of writers block ever until a couple of days ago. After this is the last chapter… and then of course the sequel which I'm super excited about. Thank you so much for your patience.

**Chapter 18**

=/\=

Trip didn't want to be angry. T'Pol was leaving and there was nothing he could do to change that. He should have been spending what time they had left together with her. Instead he was here, wandering around the settler's planet with Q'ell. Trip didn't mind making sure the miners were getting accustomed to their new home. It was enough of a distraction that Trip could go for a moment or two without thinking of T'Pol. The ship had started to feel a little too small for Trip's taste; even working with the engines hadn't given Trip the same satisfaction today as it generally did. Trip was glad that Q'ell had called him down.

Q'ell had spent the last three hours showing Trip the compound, giddily explaining each station even though there was a list of problems following each explanation. The closer they came to the end of their 'tour' the more concerned Trip became. They didn't have enough supplies, at least ten people were sick, the machines weren't made for this climate… the list went on. Q'ell seemed to regard these as small problems; to him anything was better than where they had been.

"… It's a little colder than we're used to," Q'ell babbled on, "but I think everyone's getting acclimated." He hadn't stopped grinning since Trip had come down.

Trip nodded solemnly. "Q'ell where's the closest water source?"

Q'ell shrugged. "About 9 dij to the east."

Trip did the math in his head, it was about 5 klicks. "That's pretty far…"

"We go in the mornings and collect water; so far we haven't had too many problems."

Trip stopped walking and Q'ell stopped with him.

"What's wrong?"

"Q'ell we moved you out here so your lives would be better…"

"They are! We will never have to worry about the Klingons again." Q'ell put his hand to Trip's chest, a gesture of trust Trip had become accustomed to since spending time with the settlers, "We are so grateful for everything your crew has done for us."

Trip returned the gesture then started walking again. "We can do more. How many times have your jiv'oc regulators jammed since you've been down here?" Q'ell stopped smiling. "You and I both know that those are made to work in warmer temperatures. The fluid gets too thick here."

"We can re-fit them…"

"With what? And what about last week? You had to send four people up to see Phlox. Their problems were all related to that cow pond you've been drinking out of…"

"What's a cow pond?"

Trip shook his head. "It doesn't matter. The point is that I'm not going to let Captain Archer move the ship anywhere until I'm satisfied you all are going to be alright without us, and right now I'm not all that confident."

"We're fine," Q'ell argued stubbornly.

"Q'ell why did you choose this place?"

"It has the largest deposit of deuterium on the planet."

"I know. We scanned the planet when we got here, but there are other locations that would be much nicer places to live and still have pretty substantial deposits."

Q'ell didn't answer; instead he looked at the ground. Trip knew that one day Q'ell would be the leader of this community but sometimes he could still catch glimpses of the little boy he had met 4 years ago. "What is it Q'ell?"

They stopped walking again, this time because of Q'ell. "You know that I trust you very much, Trip. And so do many others here." Trip nodded but let him continue. "But some do not. There are many people who fear that you will abandon us here like our people did or worse…"

"They're afraid we're going to turn around and pull the same thing as the Klingons."

"Yeah."

"But you have a big enough supply; you can take care of yourselves."

"Yeah."

"That's not going to happen. I can get the Captain to talk to whoever needs convincing, but I can guarantee you nothing like that is going to happen."

"I know that, but we've had to be distrustful for a very long time."

"Well, we're allies now; they'll have to trust us sometime. I'll talk to the Captain about getting things improved down here. You need to talk to Tessic about convincing the non-believers to trust us a little more."

Q'ell nodded then smiled again. "How long would these improvements take?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well if you stay out here long enough, maybe you can finish showing me how the warp engine works."

Trip laughed. "Q'ell, I don't think there's much of anything else I could show you. If you were in Starfleet, you'd be the youngest warp engineer on the planet."

"I thought you were."

"I didn't know nearly as much as you do at your age."

"Well I had an advantage. It doesn't really matter, though. It's not like there are any warp engines down here." Even though he was joking, Trip could hear a hint of disappointment in Q'ell's voice.

"Well if I can talk the Cap'n into staying a little longer, I'm sure I'll have plenty of time to show you anything you want to know." Trip checked the time and started walking back towards the direction of the shuttlepod. "I have to get back up to the ship, but I'll get some more thermal wear sent down. You still have the comm I gave you?"

Q'ell pulled it out of his pocket. "Yep."

"Good, if you need anything before I come back down, just ask. I'll see what I can do." Q'ell nodded and the two said their goodbyes before Trip went off at an easy jog toward the shuttle.

As soon as he landed back in the shuttle bay, the claustrophobia returned. It may have been cold and dank on the planet, but at least he could almost pretend that his biggest problem was jiv'oc regulators jamming. At least the problems of Q'ell and his people were something that Trip could fix, or at least try to fix. Maybe he could move down to the planet and become a miner. Trip scrubbed a hand through is hair then let his head rest on the darkened control board.

Or maybe he would just stay in the shuttlepod until T'Pol came back from Vulcan.

Even though it had been early in the morning on the planet, it was late afternoon on the ship. Trip still hadn't finished half of the things he needed to do today, and the Columbia was scheduled to be here in a few hours. They would need the shuttlepod, so hiding out here actually wasn't really an option. Trip reluctantly got up and gathered his things from the shuttle. He could find something in engineering to distract himself, and if not, he had a mining facility to save.

=/\=

Archer entered the shuttle bay with a feeling of anticipation. Although it should have been the furthest thing from his mind in the situation, it had been some time since he had seen Erica. He would have been lying to himself if he had said that her visit didn't bring him some measure of happiness. Of course he sincerely wished that she was here under entirely different circumstances. In reality she was here for two things: to provide transport for a man Archer had come to respect and trust over the course of the five years that he had known him and to prove that another member of his crew had attempted to murder two senior officers. If Erica had been anyone else, Archer would have wished her to leave as soon as she arrived.

As the tall, older woman stepped from the craft, the first thing Archer noticed was that Erica's hair was shorter than it had been the last time he saw her. With her wearing it down it hit right at her shoulders. She stepped over and warmly shook Archer's hand, smiling gently. Archer returned the smile, but less convincingly.

"I hope that your trip was alright," he mentioned casually. His eyes followed the second form to emerge from the shuttle, a shorter, red-headed woman with an air of rigidity that matched Malcolm's own. "I just wish that you were coming under better circumstances." Archer felt his eyebrows pull together and the smile fade from his face.

Erica nodded, the gentle smile falling from her as well. "So do I. I'm so sorry about everything that's happened, Jon." She turned to her redheaded companion, who was standing stiffly behind her. "I'm not sure if you've met before, but this is Lieutenant Clemins."

Archer shook his head, "No, I haven't had the pleasure." He reached out again to shake her hand; the woman's grasp was much stronger than he expected. It was almost a silent challenge. Or perhaps, more likely, an unconscious reassurance of her competence. Archer smiled at the woman; it would be interesting to get to know someone Malcolm thought so highly of.

"Thank you for having me aboard, sir. I've read almost everything about your ship: your first contact experiences; the new technology you've acquired over the years; even your experiences in the Delphic Expanse… what of it isn't classified." The woman's obvious enchantment with the _Enterprise_ amused Archer and the moment of giddiness was an indicator of her true age. Clemins seemed to catch herself. Her face reset to a hard professional mask as she cleared her throat. "With your permission, sir, I'd like to get straight to work on my assignment."

"I'm sure Lieutenant Reed feels the same way." Archer motioned to an ensign standing at the door of the bay. "Ensign Skousen can show you where the Armory Bay is, along with whatever else you'll need to find."

Clemins nodded her head, her tight short ponytail staying as stiff as her posture. "Thank you, sir." Archer nodded as she walked away, her steps short and quick, until she left the bay completely, finally leaving Archer alone with Erica.

"Well, Jon, to say it's been a while would be a bit of an understatement." There was no accusation in her voice; they both knew the strains and demands of their jobs…but maybe someday… Erica went back to the shuttle and pulled out a bottle. "Care for a drink."

"You have no idea." Archer couldn't help but smile. "I have a few things to finish up, but I would love for you to join me for dinner tonight, Captain's mess."

"And I wouldn't expect anything less. Will you be done by 2000?"

Archer glanced at the chronometer on the wall. An hour and a half should be enough time, he thought. He nodded.

"Great then, I'll bring this along."

Archer loved the ease and fluidity of their relationship. It seemed that no matter how much time had passed, they always started back up where they left off. "Do you need anything before I go back to the bridge?"

"Actually, I have a couple things I need to finish up too. But I can look over these PADDs while I'm here. Just remind me where your mess hall is."

"Same place as yours, except one deck up."

"Of course." Erica handed him the bottle then reached to grab something else out of the shuttle - three PADDs. She walked back to Jon and smiled again, this time there was nothing professional about the gesture. She let her hand touch his shoulder reassuringly. "It really is good to see you, Jon."

Archer took the hand and squeezed it. "It is. I'll see you tonight, Erica. Comm me if you need anything else."

She nodded then left the bay. As soon as she was gone, Archer realized that for the first time in over a week, if only for a moment, he hadn't thought about Terra Prime. It had only been a moment, but it was a start, and it was enough.

=/\=

When Malcolm had set out to pack the last of his belongings from his office, he hadn't imagined that it would take so much time. It wasn't really that there was a great deal for him to pack, just that almost everything in the room reminded him of something. A small piece of the comet Travis and he had been briefly stranded on four years ago, the empty bottle of bourbon Trip and he had shared when they had thought they were going to die on the shuttle in the middle of space.

Each item that passed through his hands he lingered on for a moment longer than the last.

The knight from a chess match with Major Hayes, he had always insisted that that the knight was the most tactically important piece in the game. Eventually Malcolm came to believe him as Malcolm himself hardly ever won. The first time he did Hayes had given him the knight from his side, telling him he'd won it fair and square.

There was a box of alien tea Trip had bought for him off world somewhere in the Expanse when the ships supply had diminished. Malcolm smiled, it was the most awful thing he had ever had to drink, but it was the generosity of the thought that was important.

The smile slipped from his face as Malcolm saw the last item in the bottom of his desk drawer. It was a small token Hoshi had given him. She had purchased it on a planet where they still believed heavily in superstition. The woman she bought it from told her it was endowed with a great deal of luck. When she had given it to him Hoshi had told him to start taking it with him when he went on away missions, "to keep you safe."

Malcolm's thoughts were broken as he heard the chime to his office sound. "Come in."

The door opened to reveal Lieutenant Clemins standing at ease.

"Lieutenant Clemins, I appreciate you being able to come on short notice. I'll be sure to thank your captain as well." Malcolm dropped the token back into his desk, closing the drawer. He sat down and then indicated that she do the same in the chair across from him.

She nodded and sat down, "It wasn't a problem, sir."

Malcolm nodded back at her. "I'm sure you've been briefed on the situation."

"Yes, sir, you're undergoing an investigation regarding the attempted murder of Commander's Trip and T'Pol. Your prime and only suspect for the time being is Ensign Hoshi Sato. I've been ordered to take over the investigation and finalize your findings while at the same time keep an open mind to other possibilities that you or your team may have missed."

Malcolm couldn't help but give a small tight smile. "I have to say, Janet, you are as meticulous as ever. It's good to see you again."

The woman smiled back. "Thanks, Reed. I agree. I have to ask though, why aren't you heading this investigation? It's your ship and you're still the best man for the job, although I have to admit I'm catching up." She smiled back. Although she could be as stiff as Malcolm when it was called for, she had a naturally looser personality. Her smile came with ease rather than looking like harsh imitation, as Malcolm's so often did.

"It's because this is my ship that I'm calling in an outside person. I'm too close to it, and I'm afraid it's affecting my judgment on the issue."

She nodded. "I understand. So where do you want me to start?"

"Well, this is what we have so far." Malcolm handed her a PADD. "You'll have the cooperation of my staff. If you run into any problems, just contact me or the captain, and we'll get you what you need."

Clemins stood up and took the PADD from him. "Okay, I'll get started as soon as I leave. Who's your second?

"Marks. He should get you up to speed on all the little details in no time. There's one more thing I want to talk to you about, though." Malcolm stood up from his chair, taking the bag he had put his belongings in, and zipped it closed. "I'm sure you know I'm transferring off the ship."

Janet's brows pinched slightly, but she nodded her head.

"That means that my position on this ship needs to be filled. Now I know that you already have a position aboard the _Columbia_ but I really won't feel confident leaving until I know there's someone I can trust taking my place. You're first on my list."

Clemins blushed lightly. "Thank you, sir. I would be honored."

"I was hoping that would be your reaction. I've already cleared it with Captains Hernandez and Archer; they both are in favor of the decision."

Janet smiled, this time more brilliantly embodying her warmth. "I won't let you down, Reed."

"That's why I picked you." Malcolm moved towards the door. "I need to finish packing up my quarters and make some arrangements. You know how to find me."

Clemins followed him out the door. "Yes, sir.

Malcolm watched as she walked quickly off in the opposite direction, most probably to find Marks. _Yes_, Malcolm thought, _she was the right choice._

=/\=

Trip had been sitting in engineering for the past four hours tinkering with something that generally wouldn't have taken him more than one. His mind kept wandering and the parts he held in his hands felt foreign. The scattered mess around him seemed to be a perfect representation of his mood. Trip heard the door open and he looked up as Hess walked into the bay.

"Hey, Chief, what are you doin' in here so late?" She smiled as her long brown ponytail swayed back in forth. She was wearing her off-duty clothes, which for Hess were just her old jumpsuits. Trip had asked her about it once, she had answered that it was so that she could jump onto whatever needed to be done if a problem cropped up. _"I always do my best work in uniform," _she had said_._ The only difference was when she was off duty she wore the top down and tied around her waist.

Today she was wearing a purple t-shirt for some coffee house in Sacramento under her uniform. Where she had gotten the shirt Trip couldn't guess since she had never lived in Sacramento, or even visited as far as he knew. Trip squeezed his eyes shut. It didn't matter why she had a shirt from Sacramento. He needed to finish this conduit… like two hours ago. He glanced at the clock.

"I could ask you the same thing, Anna. Isn't it past your bedtime?"

She laughed; Trip could tell it was genuine and couldn't help but smile back. He lifted up the power board he was working on. Hess looked at it, then frowned, puzzled. "Isn't that what you were working on when I got off?"

Trip set it down and rubbed his hands over his face; he laughed as he realized how ridiculous it must have seemed to her. "Yep, same thing."

Hess laughed with him. "Geez, Trip, I could have finished that in an hour. Are you okay?"

"Yeah… no I'm fine." Trip sighed again then collected all of his tools and set the mess aside in an organized little pile under the engine. "I think I'll come back to this tomorrow."

"That's probably best. But really… I heard about T'Pol leaving…"

Trip stood up so fast he knocked his elbow against the guard rail. "How..?"

Hess shrugged. "Small ship, Chief."

Trip nodded in agreement. "Yeah, don't worry about it." Trip smiled gently and rubbed his elbow. "I just need to get some sleep."

"Okay," Hess conceded gently and turned to leave. "Good idea, sir. Everything's better after a good night's rest."

"Are you forgetting something?"

Hess looked puzzled as when she turned back around. "Sir?"

"Well what are you doing in here so late?"

Realization seemed to hit her. "Oh, I forgot some paper work. You know me…"

"Well you're about to forget it again," Trip said as he wiped grease from his hands, motioning to her empty ones.

Hess looked torn between leaving and going to her station. "Or Sanders told me he saw you in here staring at a power coupling," she confessed. "I thought I'd come check on you." She shrugged. "You caught me."

Trip shook his head. "Sometimes I wonder why you're still here, Hess. You know you deserve your own set of engines."

"If I left, how would you get anything done?" Hess smiled.

"You're absolutely right." Trip smiled back. "I'll see you tomorrow, Anna."

She nodded then turned and left.

Trip realized he felt lighter; the anger he had felt was gone now and the only thing left was the yearning. Trip couldn't think of anything he wanted more than for T'Pol to stay. He flinched slightly as the humming in his mind briefly spiked to a rapid whirring then spooled back down. It had been like this since T'Pol and he had been attacked, and even though it had gotten harder to tell their feelings apart, Trip was convinced that the humming was something T'Pol was trying to conceal from him.

It was time they had a conversation. A real one. Trip knew there were regulations she had to follow, he knew that their relationship attracted unwanted attention, but ignoring their relationship didn't make it any safer. There was something more. Something T'Pol wasn't telling him. He could feel it, and he knew…

He was standing in front of a door that he recognized to be T'Pol's. Trip couldn't help but marvel at times at the unconscious mind. This was exactly where he needed to be. Not only would it be foolish, but it would be childish to let her leave under the present circumstances. The last thing he wanted was for their last moments together for the next six months to be of them quarrelling. Trip took a breath and stepped inside.

He had expected to find her packing, instead what he saw when he walked in was her meditating. It was unusual to find her meditating this late at night, and from the rigidness of her shoulders and the tightness in her eyes, Trip figured she wasn't having a very easy time of it.

"T'Pol…," Trip called softly in an attempt to get her attention as gently as possible. T'Pol took a deeper breath than the usual soft breaths she used when meditating, but didn't acknowledge Trip's presence. "T'Pol… please, can we talk."

"I am meditating," she answered curtly, not even bothering to open her eyes.

"No, T'Pol… you don't get to be the one who's mad here." As soon as the frustration surfaced, Trip pushed it back down. It wouldn't help him achieve what he wanted. Trip couldn't help but smile a bit. T'Pol had definitely rubbed off on him over the years. And he, her. Trip could see it in small things: her now refined sense of humor, her increased flexibility to situations, but most obvious, a newfound warmth that seemed to radiate from behind her Vulcan mannerisms. The blending of the two cultures seemed to suit her very well, but rare occasions still arose when Trip wished that she would act a bit more Vulcan – for instance, now.

She took another deep breath then opened her eyes; her rigid sitting position slumped almost simultaneously. "You are right. Please sit down."

Trip took off his shoes and sat down on a small blue pillow in front of her. Half-melted candles of all different colors and sizes surrounded them, and the scent of some Vulcan spice that always reminded Trip of patchouli filled the air. Trip relaxed into the familiar surroundings. T'Pol let her fingers brush across his hand, a light, tenuous touch, almost as if T'Pol was uncertain about whether Trip wanted to feel her or not. Trip took her hand in his and squeezed it reassuringly. "I want to talk about this. I don't want you to leave."

T'Pol's gaze moved back to her lap. "I believe we already discussed this."

"Well I didn't really like the outcome of that conversation." T'Pol stayed silent, and the longer she was quiet the more frustrated Trip felt. Trip's fingers found the band around T'Pol's ring finger almost to reassure himself that it was still there. "You want us to get married, don't you T'Pol?"

There was no hesitation. "Yes, of course I do."

"And you want to stay here with me?"

Again, no hesitation as she nodded her head. "Yes," she replied more softly. "Yes, I want to stay with you here on Enterprise."

"Then please explain the problem to me, because I can't figure it out." At this T'Pol was silent. Trip looked into her eyes and tried to see what she was thinking, but it seemed out of reach. The nervous buzzing he had felt in the back of his mind for the past week crescendoed to a distracting hum. The sensation put him on edge. Finally he shook his head. "I don't understand. I've said everything I can think of." He moved to get up. "I love you, and I'll keep on loving you regardless of your decision… but I don't want this."

"Wait." T'Pol's hand suddenly grasped Trip's wrist, preventing him from leaving. When Trip met her eye's there was something like fear deep within them. "Please, this isn't as simple as you may think," T'Pol soothed, but there was a hint of desperation in her voice.

"If we tie the knot, then you can stay; if we don't, then you have to leave. What could be simpler than that?"

T'Pol's body tensed. "I'm not doing this for the reasons you believe."

"Well then explain it," Trip demanded harshly. "All I need, T'Pol, is an explanation. I just need to know that you aren't using this as an excuse to run again. I need to know that you won't leave every time things are hard between us. Explain it to me! Let me understand why you're doing this."

"I CAN'T!" she snapped.

Trip immediately felt his anger fall away, quickly being replaced with concern. "T'Pol…" Trip could feel her fingers tremble against his hand. He grasped her hand tighter, pulling her towards him. T'Pol abandoned her seated position on the pillow and rolled on to her knees in front of him. "T'Pol, I need to know what's going on." He felt like he was just noticing how exhausted she looked. It was obvious that this hadn't been the only time she had been having difficulty meditating in the past week. Either she had been doing a very good job of hiding it, or Trip hadn't been paying very close attention.

T'Pol reached up and caressed his face, but it wasn't a simple touch. There was a need behind it that Trip could feel radiating through her skin. T'Pol spread her fingers to reach the specific points on his face. "Please…"

Trip took her other hand and pressed it to the other side of his face. "You don't have to ask." He nodded and put his hand against T'Pol's soft skin, his thumb gently caressing her lips before mirroring her position.

"My mind to your mind," she began. "My thoughts to your thoughts, our minds are merging, our minds are…

"…_ONE_. "

T'Pol was standing across from him in the familiar white space. But there was something off. Phantom images flitted throughout the space. Like a flickering lights or a broken movie, the images were so brief that Trip wasn't sure he saw anything.

"What is this? What's wrong?"

Trip felt the humming in his head build and recede like the crest and fall of waves.

"I… I don't know what to do." Tears slipped down T'Pol's face. "I cannot separate myself from these feelings."

Trip was taken aback by the raw emotion he felt rolling off of her, the humming in his mind getting stronger. Of course he had seen T'Pol emote before – she had never been like the other Vulcan's he had met, especially after the Expanse – but he had never seen her in any condition even remotely resembling this. He pulled her close against his chest. "T'Pol I don't understand. What is this?"

_What do you remember about the night we were attacked? _

The white space spun around him into nothing. He felt like he was in his quarters, but it didn't seem quite right. It was too quiet. And so dark. It almost felt like right before he would… _sleep. _He felt someone lie down next to him, but it was too heavy to be T'Pol. A wave of panic rose up inside of him, but it wasn't his own.

Trip suddenly realized what this was. _You remember this? _

_Vulcan's have partial consciousness when they sleep. _

He could feel himself putting his arm around her waist.

"Don't close your eyes…" He could feel her pleading in her mind.

_You knew what was happening_?

_I couldn't reach you. _

He felt as the arm went limp against her. "Wake up!" He felt the breathing against him gradually recede into shallow breaths. "Wake up please…Trip!" And then the breaths stopped all together. "No… NO!" He felt T'Pol fight against her unresponsive body, begging it to move even as the space around her began to feel fuzzy.

_I could feel you dying_, T'Pol cried, _there was nothing I could do._

The sensation blinked out completely and was abruptly replaced with the bright lights of the corridor outside his quarters. A wave of jumbled voices assaulted his ears. As soon as her vision cleared, Trip could see himself gasping and coughing as Phlox offered him an oxygen mask. It was eerie to see his own face melt with relief. This was a moment he had remembered. The utter fear that he had lost T'Pol, then the elation he felt when she had regained consciousness.

He felt T'Pol's hands shake, and he realized that what he had thought was a natural reaction to a lack of oxygen then, was actually a mixture of the most intense fear and anger he had ever experienced. The feeling almost made it hard to breath.

_T'Pol… _

And the feeling only grew.

_T'Pol. Stop. _

As quickly as everything had changed, the white space came back and Trip found himself on his knees panting for breath. He now recognized the shadows flitting around the space as scenes from the ordeal: the wall of the corridor as soon as T'Pol opened her eyes, Trip holding an oxygen mask to his face.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"My feelings have always been stronger than other Vulcans… difficult to control. If I indulged these feelings outside of this space they would consume me."

"You could have brought me here…"

T'Pol looked away. "I was ashamed… I didn't believe it was something you could understand."

Trip took her shoulders. "T'Pol… T'Pol look at me." She finally met his gaze. "There is nothing here that you should feel ashamed of. After what happened, fear is a normal response."

"A normal human response," T'Pol corrected firmly. "But there is no logic for these feelings. I cannot separate myself from them." She clutched the arm of his uniform. "I cannot… lose you. Especially not because of what I am. I can't." T'Pol's eyes softened, pleading with him. "If we marry, they will come after us. They will attack you because of me."

"That might not be true."

"You cannot know that for a fact. If I stay I could lose you. But if I leave… I don't know that you will still want me." Tears streamed down her face. "I don't know what to do."

Trip untangled her hand from his uniform, interlocking his fingers with hers. "I'll always want you, T'Pol. Vulcans mate for life right?"

"You are not Vulcan."

"But I am your mate."

T'Pol nodded her head.

"Go to Vulcan, T'Pol. I'll be here when you get back and we'll figure something out. But I'm not going to run forever."

"And I wouldn't ask you to."

They both pulled out of the white space and found themselves wrapped in each other's arms on the floor. Trip reached around and wiped a single tear from T'Pol's face. "Everything will work out."

T'Pol took his face in her hands and kissed him. "Thank you, ashelveh." Trip moved to get up, but T'Pol pulled him back to her. "Stay with me tonight."

Trip smiled. "Of course I will." He gently picked her up and carried her to the bed then sat down and pulled off his boots and took off his jumpsuit. He lay down in front of her and pulled her to his chest. "I'll miss you."

"I too will yearn for you." She buried her face in his hair. "I will miss your scent."

Trip kissed her neck gently. "I'll miss the way you taste."

T'Pol pulled his face close to hers. "I will miss the color of your eyes; there are so few Vulcans who have eyes as fair as yours."

"I'll miss all of you…" Trip smiled and kissed her again, this time on her lips. "Every inch of you." His hand roamed up the back of her shirt, caressing the warm soft skin of her back. He pulled her so close it was impossible for their bodies not to touch.

T'Pol rolled over on top of him and pulled his blue undershirt off. Her fingers gently caressed his chest and she kissed him. "I love you, Trip."

The directness of the statement made it more effective than anything Trip could think of. "I love you too. I've never loved anyone like I love you." T'Pol unbuttoned the silk pajama top she was wearing and slipped it off. She settled on top of Trip's bare chest and he held her close, enjoying the warmth between their two bodies. Trip could feel her heartbeat against his and after a time it seemed they were in sync. Trip closed his eyes and let the moment be, saddened by the knowledge that it would be one of the last in a while, but content to have it all the same.

=/\=

Obviously she needed to get all of the evidence to review for herself, but when Janet went to interview Hoshi Sato, she would have been lying if she had said that was the only reason she went to see her. In reality, there was a bit of unprofessional curiosity.

Malcolm had obviously had some sort of relationship with this woman; Janet wanted to see what she was like. When she got to the cell though, Ensign Sato wasn't anything like she had expected. She wasn't anything like… _me_. Janet quickly disregarded the thought and went on with the more professional reason for her presence.

"Hello, I'm Lieutenant Clemins. I've taken over the investigation against you. Can I ask you some questions?"

The woman looked confused to her. "Where's Malcolm?" she asked softly.

Janet could feel the corners of her mouth turn downward. "I have taken over the investigation," she reiterated a bit forcefully.

Hoshi nodded so Janet went on.

"So far I haven't been able to see any tampering with the data codes in your communications system. Does anyone else have access to those?" Hoshi shook her head, her loose hair hitting her shoulders.

It was all Janet could do not to flinch at Hoshi's disheveled appearance. It had always been like that for her; things had to be neat, orderly, ever since she was a young girl. It made her good at her job of course, but it made some things grate on her nerves more than they should. She pulled a hair tie from her pocket and handed it to the woman. Ensign Sato gave her a strange look but thanked her and pulled her hair back into a tight ponytail. Janet relaxed a bit, it looked much neater now.

"Is there anyone you could think of specifically who would want to make it seem like this is your crime?" Hoshi shook her head again. Janet had to admire her honesty, at least the woman held onto some values. Really that was all the information she needed, but there was one other thing that was bothering her. "Why did you do it?"

Hoshi looked shocked that she would be so direct. Janet rephrased her question.

"I mean join Terra Prime in the first place."

Hoshi looked at her thoughtfully. Behind the mask of pain the woman wore Janet could see strength in her. Janet knew there was something to respect in this woman, she was sure that this had been what Malcolm had seen. "That's not something you could understand."

"Because I'm not you?"

She shook her head once more, "Because you didn't spend a year in the Expanse."

Janet nodded her head. She could see the logic in that and was satisfied with the answer. "Alright, if I have any more questions I'll come back to see you."

Hoshi pulled the tie out of her hair and handed it back to her.

"No, you keep it," Janet replied as she left the cell. Really there weren't very many other things to go through. This was an open and shut case if she ever saw one. She would be thorough in her review, but so far there wasn't any evidence to exonerate Ensign Sato.

=/\=

Clemins set a PADD on Archer's desk. There was carefully concealed nervousness in her face and Archer briefly hoped it was because her results conflicted with Lieutenant Reed's.

"I went over everything again, sir… I'm sorry I couldn't find anything else."

Archer leaned back in his chair. He hadn't realized until now that he had been unconsciously hoping that Malcolm was wrong. It just would have made everything so much easier.

"Everything leads back to Ensign Sato being the one who planted the virus. It was sent to her personal messaging system from a signal with a Terra Prime signature. The virus was uploaded to the terminal she used and at the exact time she was using it. And if we look back at the incident when Commander Tucker and Ensign Sato contracted an alien virus and were confined, then we both know that the Ensign could easily have the skills required to do this." Clemins was quiet for a moment and Archer motioned for her to sit down, recognizing that he hadn't yet done so. "Honestly, sir, I don't know what Lieutenant Reed needed me for. He's the best there is, and this was a pretty cut and dried incident."

Archer picked up the PADD and scanned through it. "He needed you to tell him he was right, and I don't blame him. This just hit to close to home for him; he wasn't sure he was making the right decisions." Clemins nodded. "You did exactly what we were hoping for," Archer reassured her. Clemins nodded again, straightening her posture even stiffer. She really was the female version of Malcolm if he ever saw one. It wasn't hard to see why the man respected her.

"Have you given any thought to the position we've offered?" Her face turned very serious and Archer could see her quickly scanning back over her options along with every feasible outcome.

"Yes, sir, I have."

"And your decision?"

"Honestly sir, it's a bit daunting. With Lieutenant Reed as the standard… it's just very large shoes to fill. I haven't served as long as he has; I don't have as much experience…"

"But you are familiar with the position; it would be good for your career_._ If Reed is as confident in your abilities as he says he is, then I believe you would make an excellent addition to this crew."

Clemins nodded. "Thank you, sir."

"When can I know your answer?"

She was silent for a moment then answered, "I accept the position, sir."

Archer smiled. "Well then, Lieutenant Clemins, you are now the Chief of Security of the _Enterprise. _

=/\=

Archer was on the bridge when Trip walked in. As soon as Trip entered, his gaze fixed on Archer.

He walked over to the chair. "Sir, if you have a moment I need to talk to you."

Archer could tell this wasn't going to be a conversation he wanted to have. "Alright, now is fine. Come to the ready room."

Trip nodded and followed Archer across the deck and into the little office area. As soon as the door closed behind them, both men sat down. "I can already tell this isn't going to be good news. Did something go wrong with the refugees?"

"No, no. They've hit some snags, but nothing catastrophic yet. I did speak with Q'ell this morning. I need to bring down a few supplies later, but everyone is fine for the most part."

"Well what all do they need?"

Trip glanced at the clock. "Have you got some time?"

Archer nodded and leaned back, ready for whatever Trip had come to say. Thirty minutes later they were still talking.

"Okay, so you want to stay here and move the refugee's colony?"

"I know we'd be out here for a couple of months, Jon, but they don't have experience with this."

"What do you mean?" Archer asked, exasperated. "They built the first colony. How is this any different?"

"Yeah they did… ten generations ago. It's not fair for us to offer them help then dump them on this planet and leave."

"They chose where they wanted their colony to be. What makes you think they want to move anyway?"

"They chose that location because they don't trust us, Jon. The location of the largest deuterium deposit was the only criteria they used." Trip let this information sink in.

"What do you mean they don't trust us?"

"With what they've been through, would you? What makes us different from the Klingons?"

"We're trying to help them. We haven't even asked for any deuterium…"

"But for how long? Jon, you have to be able to see how they can think we might take advantage of them. And the only way they know how to combat that is to be prepared. They're sacrificing a decent place to live for the security of a large deposit of deuterium. But it's unnecessary and it's no place to live. There's no water for 5 klicks, it's colder than they're used to, the machines aren't suited for the environment… I could go on…" He folded his arms, confident he had made his point.

"Trip that's not a decision I can make on my own. I'd have to go through Starfleet, and honestly I'm not sure they'll go for it. It'll eat a lot of time."

"Okay, Jon, you go down there and take a look around and if you can come back and tell me that we did as much as we could to help a group of people we're calling our allies then I'll let it go… but I guarantee you that won't be the case."

Archer could always tell when he wasn't going to let something go, and this was one of those times. "Alright. I'll talk to Starfleet Command; see where they think we should go with this."

Trip smiled briefly, and then his face returned to its more sullen position.

"Well I'm glad we got through that, but I get the impression you have something else you want to talk about."

Trip nodded. "You're right I did, but it doesn't really have anything to do with the ship." He was silent for a bit, but Archer waited patiently. "It's about T'Pol and me."

Trip was quiet again so Archer decided to help things along. "You aren't getting married."

Trip pulled a small box from his pocket and set it on the desk. Archer recognized it as the cuff links he had given him. "You're going to have to hang on to these for a while."

"Dammit." Archer couldn't help the anger he felt and Trip seemed a bit surprised by the outburst. "This is because of Hoshi, isn't it?"

"Are we sure it's her?"

"What do you mean are we sure…" Archer took a deep breath. Directing his frustration at Trip was the last thing he wanted to do. He nodded and lowered his voice. "Clemins confirmed today that Hoshi is being transported tomorrow at 1800."

Trip picked up a stylus from Archer's desk and fiddled with it. "I was still kind of hoping we were wrong," he confessed.

Archer nodded. "I think we all were." Both men were quiet for a time until Archer broke the silence: "This means that T'Pol has to go back to Vulcan, doesn't it?"

Trip nodded again and set the stylus back on the desk and leaned back in his chair. Archer could see exhaustion in the way he sat; he was more slumped than relaxed. "A ship comes for her in two days. It's going to be a long six months"

"I'm sorry, Trip. I can't imagine…"

"Well, I just keep telling myself everything will be okay when she comes back."

"Trip… if there's anything you need. I know it will be hard with Malcolm leaving too."

Trip looked shocked. "Mal is transferring off?"

Archer never thought for a second that Malcolm would have tried to leave without telling Trip. He regretted letting it slip. "He didn't tell you?"

"No… I… I guess I'll talk to him later."

"Well you better make it quick; Clemins has already taken over his position. He's getting on Columbia as soon as he has everything packed, and they're leaving as soon as they have the papers to transfer Hoshi."

"Okay. I'll catch him before he leaves. Maybe I can talk some sense into him," Trip joked half-heartedly. But Archer knew… they both knew, if Malcolm was set on something, there wasn't much anyone could do about it.

"Good… I'm not excited about losing him."

Both men were quiet before Trip broke the silence. "T'Pol's waiting for me for dinner."

Archer nodded. "Go on. I don't want to keep you."

Trip thanked him again before he left. As soon as he did, Archer rubbed a hand across his face. It certainly was going to be a long six months

=/\=

Malcolm packed his bags in silence. He knew that there were probably things that he had left in Hoshi's quarters, but nothing so important that he couldn't leave it here. It wasn't as if he wasn't leaving anything behind as it was; he was only leaving his whole life. Everything he had built. It almost seemed pointless to pack anything at all. He wouldn't need it where he was going, but if he didn't it would draw too much attention. This needed to seem just like a transfer for it to work.

Malcolm folded another shirt into a tight square before putting it into his bag. Just as he reached for another shirt his door chimed. Malcolm's first instinct was to ignore the sound, but he knew the only person who would be at his door this late was Trip… or Hoshi… but the latter was highly unlikely. Malcolm hadn't really been planning on telling Trip he was leaving. Malcolm hated goodbyes and thought it best to avoid them, especially now. Unfortunately now, however, he had very little choice in the matter.

He opened the door to find exactly who he had expected. Trip didn't look angry as Malcolm had suspected, only tired. Malcolm wordlessly let him in. He moved the things on his bed aside, sitting down across from Trip, who had taken his desk chair.

"So I here you're leavin'," Trip finally said after a bit. Malcolm suddenly felt a bit ashamed. Yes, he was leaving. And at a time when someone he had called a friend for the last five years needed him most. If Malcolm had been in Trip's position, he would have thought himself a coward

Malcolm nodded solemnly, ready for whatever Trip had come to say. "Yes, I am."

Trip looked at his hands, picking at one of his fingernails. "I want you to know that I understand why you think you need to leave, but really… you don't. T'Pol and I,,, we don't blame you. We've all known Hoshi forever and none of us saw it."

Malcolm sat, a bit stunned. Really Malcolm shouldn't have expected anything less than Trip's complete understanding, even though it's not what he felt he deserved. "It's not just that, Trip. I simply can't stand to be here any longer. You have no idea how much I regret that I have to do this now with everything that's happened, but I just can't be here… it's…" Malcolm stopped, apparently looking for a way to explain, but falling short.

"I told you, Mal, I understand. I mean, god, you don't look like you've slept in days…no offense."

Malcolm gave a tight smile. Trip was right. He hadn't, but that wasn't to say that Trip looked any better. "I guess this means you'll have to find yourself another best man."

Trip's light smile turned to a frown. "I don't think that is really an issue."

"You already have someone lined up?" Malcolm jibbed a bit playfully. "You really don't waste any time."

Trip shook his head. Malcolm got up and pulled a bottle out of an already packed bag and he poured two small glasses. "I don't understand," he said, handing the glass to Trip.

"We're postponing the wedding."

"Why? Malcolm blurted, obviously surprised. "For how long?"

"Well T'Pol and I talked about it and she wants to wait."

Malcolm felt a sense of unfairness at his friends loss. "Well…for how long?"

"Intergalactic peace?" Trip smiled, but there wasn't much humor behind it.

Malcolm took a sip of his drink. "I think it might be postponed for a while then."

Trip nodded. "Yeah, but I understand where she's coming from. She's afraid it will provoke an attack. And with what's happened…"

Malcolm seemed completely consumed by something in his glass.

"Mal?"

Malcolm kept his eyes on his glass, thumbing the rim. After a moment, he focused back on Trip. "It shouldn't be this way, you know."

"What?"

Malcolm took another sip from his glass then set it on the table beside him, obviously finished with it. Whether it was because he had lost interest or simply didn't want it, Trip couldn't tell. "The two of you... There were laws created a century ago allowing anyone and everyone to couple with whomever they like. It's ridiculous that in this time there is still such bigotry."

"Well…" Trip shrugged his shoulders, lacking an appropriate response.

"I'm sorry we couldn't protect that… I'm sorry _I_ couldn't protect that."

"It's six months. I think we'll survive." Trip smiled again, this time more convincingly. He hated that Malcolm could find a way to make anything his own fault.

"That's really not the point"

Trip turned serious as an attempt to lighten Malcolm's mood hadn't seemed to help matters. "I know, Mal. But it's like I said before, we don't blame you. And you shouldn't either. You're the best man for your job, and even though I don't want you to leave, I know the same will be true wherever you go." Malcolm crossed his arms, but Trip could see in his eyes that Malcolm appreciated it. "Speaking of which, where are you going? Endeavour? It's a good ship."

"No, I wasn't really interested in a position on a ship, although Captain Hernandez offered me one."

Trip smiled. "You don't know what you're missing… it's like being on the Enterprise before it went through hell and back. Has that nice new ship smell… So are you going to be working for Starfleet Command… making protocol and what not?"

Malcolm shook his head. He didn't like the turn this conversation was taking.

Trip's brow knit together and he took a sip of his drink. "Geez, Mal, are you going to make me play the guessing game all night…?"

Malcolm thought for a moment. He knew he couldn't tell Trip, but more than that he didn't want to. Suddenly all the mirth left Trip's warm face. Apparently Malcolm's silence had answered Trip's question for him. "Oh god, Malcolm…no..."

Malcolm let his lips pinch together, regretting not coming up with an excuse quick enough. Trip knew him well enough that he would have figured it out eventually but Malcolm would have preferred not being here when Trip had come to the conclusion.

"Nothing's worth that, Mal." Trip seemed almost angry by Malcolm's choice.

"I have a plan," he assured his friend. "It's going to be okay."

"It's not going to be okay." Now Trip was standing. Malcolm closed his eyes as Trip went on. "Just from the little you've told me, I can figure that out. Why can't you?"

"I've made my decision. It's what I have to do."

"It's a damn waste of a good man!" Trip shouted.

Malcolm stood to meet his friend. He put a hand on his arm and squeezed reassuringly. "It's complicated. But everything will be alright."

Trip pulled away from Malcolm, but instead of getting angrier as Malcolm had anticipated, he slumped back into his chair, looking a bit defeated. "You know, I'm getting pretty sick of people telling me that," he laughed humorlessly then finished his glass. "It's not complicated, Malcolm," Trip said tiredly, not letting Malcolm out of his gaze. "This is your own personal penance for something you feel you've done, something that I can guarantee isn't your fault."

"I've made my decision, Trip. I'm not changing my mind."

Trip glared at him from across the room for a moment then finally threw up his hands. "Fine. Just don't get yourself killed."

"I'll make a genuine effort."

"Good… because I'm still going to need a best man at some point." He handed his glass to Malcolm, who refilled it.

"And I'll be happy to oblige," he replied, handing the glass back to his friend. Even as he said it, though, Malcolm knew it was in all likelihood an empty promise.

=/\=

Archer stroked Erica's hair as it fell across his chest. "Your people aren't expecting you back tonight?"

She lifted her head to look at him then shook it gently. "I told them I would be staying over to transport Ensign Sato."

The smile that rested on Archer's face faded.

"I'm sorry, Jon. And I'm sorry I'm the one who has to do it."

Jon nodded. "It's not really like you had a choice… unless of course there's some other Starfleet vessel I'm just not aware of." Erica laughed and settled back into Archer's embrace. Jon loved the way Erica's skin felt next to his. Ever since he'd become a captain, and even more so after the Expanse, this part of his life had been put on hold. It was something that he had become accustomed to. But if things were to change, if there was one person that could make him feel like there was something else, it was her.

The reality, though, was that they were both in love with their ships. There wasn't anyone that could make either of them leave. Archer sighed heavily.

Erica let her hand run across his chest. "What is it, Jon?"

They had agreed sometime ago to keep work out of the bed, but it had never really happened. Erica had already broken that rule tonight, so he went ahead. "I feel like my ship is falling apart at the seams."

Erica let her hand keep running gently up and down his chest. "Jon, you're just not used to it," she said soothingly. "You've been lucky so far. I only have half of the people I started with. I feel like I need to memorize a new name every day." She paused, and pulled the blanket up over her shoulders. "Think about it. Everyone on your ship, aside from a handful, has been here since the first mission. No one has accepted a promotion, no one has transferred off, and the only reason you have any new crewmembers at all is due to casualties." She stopped stroking his chest and lay her head down. "Everyone has put aside the progression of their careers to keep your little family together," she said airily, "but really, Jon, how long did you think it was going to last?"

Archer shrugged wordlessly, seeing truth in what she was saying.

"Travis could make Captain in ten years if he'd let go and I'd say Mr. Tucker could make it in two, but we both know there's nothing in the world but engines for him. Accept what you've had and move on."

Archer wished he could see it that way. Maybe she was right, he had been spoiled. But this ship was a family, and right now all was not well in paradise. It almost felt like a personal failure.

Why hadn't he seen Hoshi for what she was?

Why hadn't he been able to protect his crewmembers from all of this?

Why couldn't he convince Malcolm that this really wasn't his fault?

Archer closed his eyes and concentrated on the things he did know.

Erica's skin felt wonderful.

She smelled like sunflowers and ocean.

She seemed to fit perfectly in his arms.

Archer smiled and kissed her softly on the lips. Erica smiled back. This was enough for now.

=/\=

Hoshi was starting to get nervous, there was only about an hour before she was to be transferred and she felt like there were still so many people she needs to apologize to. She wanted to beg Trip for forgiveness. She wanted Malcolm to know that she hadn't intended to use him, that what she felt was real. She wanted Jon to know that it wasn't his fault, that she had used every gift she had to keep everything a secret.

Now that he was here, though, she just felt ashamed. "Captain." Hoshi stood as he entered the cell, waving away the brig guards.

He simply stood, staring at her until he spoke. He looked sad, almost defeated, his voice a low rumble. "I never thought that you," he articulated slowly, "out of everyone on the ship..."

"I…" The captain gave her a look that seemed to immobilize any powers of speech she had ever possessed.

"You speak alien languages for a living, for god sake. Why would you do this? Why would…" Hoshi realized that she had sat back down; she remained silent, not quite knowing how to respond. "I've known you for years… and you're being tried for the attempted murder of Trip and T'Pol," Archer spat out, disgust lingering in his voice. Hoshi kept staring at her hands, "Look at me! You are being tried for trying to murder two people that you called your friends." He looked like he wanted, no, needed some sort of an explanation. Hoshi could offer nothing. "You've completely ripped this ship apart, Hoshi."

"I'm sorry." The response was instinctive now. I'm sorry I joined Terra Prime. I'm sorry I hurt my friends. I'm sorry that no one trusts me. I'm sorry that I betrayed this ship. She had said it so many times for so many reasons it almost seemed meaningless now. But Hoshi could think of no other way to describe how she felt—sorry.

Archer glared at her, then scoffed, "It's almost ridiculous to hear you say that, considering what you've done."

"I know," she conceded softly, "but I am." Archer glared at her a bit longer before he let his shoulders sag forward, obviously exhausted.

Archer sat down. "Malcolm's transferring off the ship because of this."

Hoshi felt her heart skip a beat. "But this is his home…"

Archer laughed bitterly. "Not anymore. And he's not the only one. Trip and T'Pol postponed the wedding. T'Pol is going back to Vulcan."

Hoshi's face felt hot as her eyes welled with tears. It was hurt to hear about the pain she'd caused, but she knew she didn't deserve anything less.

"I wanted so much to believe that Malcolm was wrong, that Clemins would find something. But she didn't. Malcolm was right. I finally need to accept that you did this." Archer almost sounded like he was pleading with her, begging her to tell him that this was all actually a big mistake.

She wanted to reach out to him, she wanted to comfort him, her friend, but she no longer possessed that ability. "Captain…"

"I'm not your captain," he snapped, suddenly angry again, "You are no longer an ensign. You no longer are part of this ship. You have destroyed the only true family you ever had."

Hoshi couldn't help the sob that bubbled out of her mouth. The truth of the statement hurt too much to bear.

Archer's face twisted in disgust. "Stop that."

"I hardly think that's necessary, Captain." Neither of them had noticed Phlox's arrival to the brig. Archer stood up and straightened his uniform. Hoshi's head remained down. "Perhaps you should attend to something more pressing," the doctor suggested gently but firmly. The captain seemed to agree and left before Phlox could enter the cell.

Hoshi was crying quietly as Phlox sat down next to her. "Why are you here?" she whispered.

"I wanted to see you before you left."

Hoshi nodded; she felt a bit numb. "And what if they're right about everything?" she asked, tears streaming down her face as she looked at him. "What if I did try to kill them?"

"Just because they didn't find anything doesn't mean that they are right."

Hoshi was silent for a moment then wiped her eyes. "Why do you believe that? After what I did… it could be me. I could be manipulating you. I could hate you because of what you are."

Phlox pursed his lips, the ridges on his head lifted slightly. "You're absolutely right… but you aren't, and you don't. Besides, what purpose would that serve? Hmm?"

Hoshi was silent and was surprised when he took her hand.

His voice was gentle when he spoke. "I have known you for some time, Hoshi. And what I believe, whether you will tell anyone or not, is that this is all much more complicated than it seems. I believe that you played a much smaller role in the incident with Terra Prime than you are letting people think. I believe that you are doing this because, regardless of the part you played, you feel as guilty as if you were Paxton himself."

Hoshi couldn't help but feel surprised at his insight.

"I believe you are letting people believe this because you feel it's what you deserve. And I believe you feel this way because for you, it is the only way to atone for what you've done. Now tell me, am I right?"

Hoshi was very still. She neither agreed nor disagreed, but in her soul she knew everything he had said was right. Phlox smiled gently. "I believe all of these things because I know who you are. And because I believe these things, I also know that you did not attempt to kill your friends."

Hoshi squeezed his hand. "Thank you," she whispered, fresh tears rolled down her cheeks. "You are truly the closest friend I have ever had."

Phlox nodded. "I feel much the same about you."

"What time is it?"

Phlox looked at the small time device on his communicator. "1752."

Hoshi closed her eyes. "They'll be taking me soon."

Phlox nodded.

Hoshi closed her eyes. "I'm afraid."

Phlox squeezed her hand. "You have nothing to fear."

"This may be the last time I see you."

Phlox shook his head. "I doubt that very much. Denobulans live for a very long time. I will see you again someday."

Hoshi wanted to believe him, but she doubted what he said with every fiber of her being.

The brig guard that had left when Archer entered returned to the cell, this time with two more guards and a pair of restraints.

"I'm sorry, Doctor, but we're transporting Ensign Sato now."

Phlox nodded and stood up. Hoshi closed her eyes as they clipped the restraints around her wrists.

There was nothing left to say to Phlox, so she simply let the guards lead her out of the brig to the shuttle bay. It was hard to walk; her vision was fuzzy and her hands buzzed in their skin.

Finally they reached the transport pod. As soon as they were inside, Hoshi flopped into one of the seats. Even though she wasn't sure why, a wave a relief washed over her.

It was finally over.

This was it.

**=/\=**

**TBC**


	21. Chapter 19 The Conclusion

Title: Mistakes

Author: Auroraborealis

Rating: This chapter is PG I'm not positive what the other chapters are going to be like.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the star trek characters or anything.

Summary: AU. What if Hoshi had a hand in what happened with Terra Prime? How would it affect her and her relationships with people on the ship?

Spoilers: None

A/N- Thank you so much to my beta, Dinah. The conclusion is finally here… for this story at least. I promise there will be a sequel… I just need to get started writing it. Thank you again to everyone who's been following this all the way through. It's so nice to get some feedback on things you put effort into.

=/\=

**Chapter 19**

***Trip***

Trip looked around the bridge. It looked so empty now. There were new faces, but it wasn't the same. He had felt a certain sense of security surrounded by people he had known for years. The people who had known him through the death of his sister, and later the death his daughter. The people who had been with him through the trials of the Expanse. It just wasn't the same. He wasn't sure it felt like home anymore.

Trip scanned the bridge again; not even Archer was on the bridge right now. He had been in his office looking through applications for a new communications officer since Hoshi's trial.

Trip hadn't been able to attend. It was too much. Archer said she had hardly spoken a word, though. Trip could picture what she must have looked like. Probably very much the same as the last time he had seen her. Silent. Broken.

Her trial had concluded a week ago. And still they had no communications officer. Jon hadn't even discussed any candidates with him. Although he hadn't really discussed anything with him over the past week.

Trip could tell the Captain blamed himself.

Trip couldn't say he didn't understand. Jon was just being overly cautious. He didn't want to choose someone who would turn out like Hoshi or Masaro. But Trip knew it couldn't be avoided. If Hoshi could betray them… anyone was capable of the same thing.

That type of thinking had become routine for Trip: a constant feeling of distrust towards almost everything and everyone.

And it seemed to just get worse the longer he was away from T'Pol.

For instance, the new chief of security. Yes, Malcolm had trusted her, but at the same time Trip had never heard him speak of her until she was transferred. Who was she? How long had she been in Starfleet?

Was she a member of a xenophobic terrorist organization?

The last one was unlikely, but to say that Trip had become overly cautious lately would be an understatement.

Trip was having a hard time trusting his own staff.

The Captain had been so busy lately with re-staffing that he didn't seem to notice Trip's new attitude.

Hess had.

Which is why Trip was now working on something off-ship, per her suggestion – the colony.

Q'ell and Tessic had finally gotten enough support from the other settlers for Trip to move them to a more suitable area of the planet. Now it was just a matter of getting everything moved, set up, and repairing any damaged equipment. Trip estimated that it would take about 4 months to get everything done.

It didn't really matter to him, though. If there was one thing he had right now… it was time.

***Hoshi***

Hoshi woke up to the sound of people shouting. After being here for almost a week, Hoshi couldn't say it was something she had gotten used to, but she could at least go back to sleep… usually.

Tonight that wasn't happening.

Being here wasn't as different as she'd thought it was going to be. The first couple days she had been terrified, but her cellmate had made things easier for her. Kira had told her what to expect and who to avoid. Despite this, Hoshi wouldn't go so far as to say she trusted the woman.

Hoshi shifted quietly in her bunk. Sometimes in that moment between wakefulness and sleep, Hoshi could pretend she was back on Enterprise, that nothing had changed and she was waiting for Malcolm to get off his shift.

And he would put his arms around her.

And would hold her close.

And he would tell her he loved her.

But tonight she couldn't do that. She knew it wasn't true, and it made her heart ache. Hoshi felt a tear roll down her cheek and she bit her lip to keep quite. The last thing she wanted was for her cellmate to know she was upset. Hoshi was sure Kira was awake, mostly because the woman never seemed to sleep. In fact Hoshi didn't think she had ever seen her sleep since she had been here. When she woke up, Kira was awake, when she went to sleep, Kira was awake, and even times like now when she would wake up in the middle of the night for one reason or another… Kira was still awake.

"You're awake, little bird." The woman's stiff British accent clipped out from the bunk beneath her.

"Yes," Hoshi answered softly, wiping her eyes. Kira also had the uncanny ability to know when Hoshi wasn't sleeping, regardless of how she tried to pretend to be.

"You should sleep. The shouting will stop." Despite the soothing tones of her voice, there was something in it that gave Hoshi chills. In fact there was something about Kira in general that gave Hoshi the creeps. Despite the woman taking an almost immediate liking to her, there was something cold in Kira's eyes, something in the way she acted that reminded Hoshi of a snake hiding in tall grass.

Waiting.

Of course it could all have been nothing more than Hoshi's imagination. She herself, after all, had betrayed everyone she knew.

Hoshi felt her eyelids drop as silence finally permeated the halls.

"Goodnight, little bird."

Hoshi didn't answer, too tired to respond.

But a familiar shiver ran up her spine.

***T'Pol***

T'Pol walked through the tall gates of Fo-don Eshikh.

Even though she hadn't wanted to be here. Even though this place was the reason she was separated from her mate… there was something comforting here.

There was silence.

Silence and dancing sand.

Reds and golds shimmered around her, blowing up and stinging her bare hands.

This morning when she had put on her old uniform, she thought of things she had not thought of for some time. Operations she had undertaken, people she had killed. It was as if there was someone else inside of her who knew that this was her place, who would protect T'Pol from the memories because they were her own, not T'Pol's.

She watched as each person stepped forward in line, each looked the same as the last, their uniforms making them all indistinguishable. T'Pol knew who was standing in front of her even though he hadn't said a word to her. After all these were the people she had started with years ago, people she had been training with since the beginning.

Eventually T'Pol reached the entrance to the compound. The operative motioned to the DNA scanner in front of him; T'Pol pulled her blade from her left hip as expected and pricked her finger, letting the blood run into the scanner.

The man nodded his head.

T'Pol walked up a little farther until she reached the Director. She stopped in front of him and made the sign of the ta'al. He returned the sign as she addressed him, "Operative four-seven-two reporting for the forth cycle."

The man nodded and directed her to the east, the women's side.

She was back.

***Malcolm***

Malcolm came to a halt in front of the enormous tree in front of him. He stood silently for a moment. It wasn't that he was lost; in fact he was getting close. The problem was that if he knew Harris, and he was fairly confident he did, Harris would have moved the security defenses.

This also meant that he was getting dangerously close to having the piss shocked out of him.

He took the shirt tied around his waist, wiped his face then looked at his watch. It was going to get dark soon and it wasn't ideal to be out here at night. He sighed and turned around.

"Griz!" He called, "Griz, I heard you a half klick back, come on now!"

He waited a moment then finally saw someone he recognized from long ago emerge from the thicket of trees behind him.

"Well, I've been following you for two. I'd say you're losing your touch Mal." The man smiled and Malcolm couldn't help but reciprocate. He gave the man a tight smile and a nod in return.

It had been a long time since he'd seen the man in front of him. Dr. Arthur Griswald, doctor to the Section's Black Ops Agents and the oldest member on Mal's old team. Griz wasn't really all that old actually, probably only in his mid 50's, and he didn't look it either, at least not anywhere except his face. The man had short silver-grey hair and was thick through his chest and shoulders. He had strong arms with calloused hands that Malcolm had always thought uncharacteristic of a doctor.

"I was hoping you'd come to your senses… give up and turn around." He shrugged. "This work's too though. I can't say it won't be nice to have you back." He looked past Malcolm and pointed in the general direction ahead. "It's a little further that way."

"Show the way then." Malcolm pulled the long sleeve shirt back over his tee shirt, seeing the tangle of vines and branches ahead of them. "Nothing good will come of us being out here in the dark."

Griswald started walking, then turned around to face Malcolm. "Don't get ahead of me. I'm too old to carry you the rest of the way back."

Malcolm couldn't help but laugh. "Of course you are, Griz. So Harris is still working out of the same compound?"

"Nope. We're just meeting up there. He made us get out of here about three days after you left. If you hadn't been so out of your mind, I'm sure you would have come back after him. Harris didn't want to be a sitting duck."

Malcolm really didn't have a lot of memories around the time after he left, but he was pretty sure Griswald was right. "Why the sudden change in heart?"

"Back then you had nothin' to lose."

"That's still true."

Griz stopped walking. "It's not and you know it, Mal. Pretending like it is will only get you in trouble. You know he'll test that." He turned back around and kept on walking. "Besides, you were an indoor dog long enough that Harris thinks you've come back to him tame." Malcolm laughed, but not because it was funny.

They finally stopped at a tree with a rock the size of his head sitting by it. It seemed both like it belonged and out of place. Griswald lined himself up with the tree and counted out eight steps, then kicked his toe in the dirt until he uncovered something. When Malcolm leaned in to see what it was he saw a small keypad. Griswald looked at his watch then typed in the code, he waited five seconds then stepped across the invisible barrier, motioning for Malcolm to do the same. Malcolm followed him through.

Seeing the old facility brought a flood of memories, things Malcolm hadn't even been aware that he remembered. As soon as they got to the door it opened, Harris stood waiting for them, the smug smile he always seemed to wear plastered across his face. Although it hadn't been a great deal of time since Malcolm had seen Harris, it didn't feel that way. Being in this place and seeing Harris seemed to simultaneously pull him back to the past and make him hyper aware of how long it had actually been.

"Good to see you back, Reed," Harris offered his hand and a small smile. Malcolm returned neither. Harris shrugged and retracted the gesture. "It's not as if you have to trust me to work for me." He smiled again. "Gris is going to give you a full physical before we move on to the base, and you and I will have a conversation of what we expect from each other. Does that sound fair?"

"I made it clear what I wanted from the start."

"Good, so we have an understanding." Harris nodded to Gris, "You work for me now, and in return I'll give you the means to take apart Terra Prime."

"And?"

Harris smiled again. "Oh yes, your other 'condition'…" Harris held up his hands. "No drugs."

Malcolm's face hardened. There wasn't a fiber of his being that would trust a word Harris said, but he was here, and he didn't really have a lot of options.

"Malcolm, you have my word, not that it means anything to you, no drugs…" Harris turned to walk away, leaving Malcolm alone with Griswald. "Except for this one time," he called behind him.

Malcolm felt a pinch in the back of his neck which was almost instantaneously followed by a wave of frustration then anxiety.

"Don't worry, Mal, it's clean," he heard Griswald's voice reassure him, his hand keeping Malcolm from falling. He may not have been able to trust Harris, but Griswald had never lied to him. Malcolm resigned himself to the sedative and let the darkness overtake him.

=/\=

**THE END**


End file.
